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Wayne H Thoden

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Final Thoughts
By Wayne H Thoden
Friday, September 12, 2003

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I always question things. Wonder what if. So I will let you read this and wonder.

This place is so dimly lit.
one small flame quivers pathetically from a dirty candle stub atop a ďcoffee tableĒ fashioned out of an old computer box. I guess Iíll have to get acclimated to blackness now.

I canít believe this is happening to me. Why was I such a sap? Iíve always believed if I did good things, then good things would come back to me, but I would hardly call this karma. What an idiot I am. Why did I ever stop and attempt to have a conversation with him? Why did I feel the least bit of pity for him? I guess Iíve always been this way, though. I just have this ridiculous soft spot I guess. Always taking home stray animals or giving some homeless street dweller money, even though I know deep down, well itís not even that deep, heíll just spend it on some god awful cheap bottle of booze. Ah yes, Crankhouse whiskey, what a magnificent blend. I wouldnít use it to clean my toilet. Like that one resident of the alley who set his home behind the dumpster. Oh, a well decorated refrigerator box he had, perhaps the finest in the alley. I gave him a few bucks one night, figuring just maybe he would indeed buy some food. But, no of course not, just an hour later I walked past my back alley bum, and there he was, comatose, lying next to an empty bottle of Listerine. At least his breath wasnít offensive anymore; itís quite comforting to know he cared so much about oral hygiene. Well when there are no liquor stores open I guess Listerine will do in a pinch. 

God this hurts. I thought it would be faster, but it seems like unending torment; itís taking forever. This is too surreal, this just shouldnít be happening to me. 

ďJust wait until I can move again, my dear Jeff.Ē I canít believe everyone calls him Stupid Jeff; Iím the buffoon. He seemed so harmless, just some halfwit who never had enough sense to go in out of the dark. Heíd just sit there in his ďspotĒ every night mumbling nonsensically, talking to people who werenít there or just rocking back and forth. He never really annoyed anybody. It didnít matter what time of year it was, he always wore the same filthy clothes; the weather never seemed to affect his demeanor. So Iíd toss him a few dollars now and again. I never saw him drinking or passed out Heíd just look at me, and continue his incoherent babble. Perhaps that was why I was curious about this lost soul. I wondered where he stayed in the daytime. What was his deal? Why was he so different? So interesting to me?  Well, they say curiosity killed the cat, and it got the better of me as well. I know now where he resides during the hours of light.

God, my feet are freezing, and my hands, I can barely move them. Maybe Iíll soon wake up and laugh because this is just a bad dream. Except I know itís not a dream. This is unfortunately all too real, and all because I tried to figure this cretin out.  Maybe Iíll just talk to him; maybe heís not really that stupid. Look where that line of thought got me. I mean, there are some quite brilliant dispossessed people; theyíre just a little touched or possibly going through a bad bit of luck. But not Jeff, oh no, he truly is an imbecile. Itís no act. But Iíll give him credit for one thing: he got me. Maybe heís just running on instinct, like if you throw a dog in water it will swim. It might not like the water, but it will swim.

ďWhy is he just staring at me like that?   Why doesnít he just sit down? Heís driving me óó arrrrh, I canít even feel my legs anymore. Itís getting harder to breathe; my chest, it feels so tight, like Iím wrapped in heavy chains and canít expand my ribcage. I canít move anything now, just lying here in pain and unable to do anything about it except wait, wait for the inevitable end, or beginning as it may be. All I have left now are my thoughts. I donít know why, but that candle seems so bright now. All my senses appear stronger, yet I still cannot move. This pain in my neck, so strong, it pulses with each beat of my slowing heart. The air is thick and stagnant; the pungent stench of death assaults me yet invigorates me at the same time.  Heís still there watching me; I can feel it, both of us stuck in this disgusting rat hole he calls home. Heís pacing back and forth; that squeaking shuffling noise his shoes make is getting on my nerves, if I still have any. I mean, why is he so nervous? Iím the one dying. Heís just waiting for this sick scenario to come to an end. What kind of future will I have now? Of all the vampires in the world, I have to get bitten by a homeless moron who canít even tie his own shoes.


Wayne Thoden

       Web Site: Tee Hee Productions

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Reviewed by JoAnna Drelleshak 11/27/2004
No good deed goes unpunished! Well done.
Reviewed by Shirley Cheng 8/22/2004
Wow, an unsuspecting ending...good job
Reviewed by Holly Mezo 6/12/2004
The best I've read today.

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