I have begun to write my memoirs, does this mean I have passed a point of no return? I certainly hope not!!!! Please be patient, it is a work in progress..
Peace, Love, and Light,
On a clear spring morning, I woke to a new found freedom...It was the first time in my life I was truly alone. Solitude, one with the universe, my new motto! An amazing feeling welled up inside of my inner spirit.
I was approaching my 50th birthday, a half century wise. Something was different about this morning; a feeling like no other..
It was the first morning of the second half of my life! A day I recorded in my journal. As I slowly emerged from my cocoon of cotton sheets and Laura Ashley covers, I smiled with contentment.
"I have come to this point in my life, and I am very happy to know that I am a survivor!"
It was the climax to a four year struggle to leave my husband of thirty years. My beautiful spirit was squashed, and I felt I was losing my will to survive!
I shall go back to a pivotal time in my life. A time that started this journey.
On September 8, 1999, just one day after my forty seventh birthday, my life was changed dramatically.
I had major surgery to remove all female organs, due to a cancer scare.
Nothing will phase me after this. Life was worth living, not leaving. I fought for my freedom with every ounce of strength that I could gather up.
The transition to the couch was easier than sleeping in a water bed. It made getting up and back down to sleep much easier. Due to the surgery, the water bed was impossible to get out of. For the next month, I slept apart from my husband. It became natural and comfortable, so when it was time to go back to the bedroom, I decided to take up residency in my daughter's old room upstairs. This was the beginning of an "official" separation with my husband.
Eventually, my husband accepted the facts. He decided to do what was right to help me to achieve my desire for solitude and happiness.
On, March 21, 2003, I walked out of my old life and into my new one. I purchased a condo in the next town from where I had lived with my family. It was a bittersweet moment, but a very much anticipated accomplishment.
I had never lived alone at any time in my childhood, or married life.
From that day forward I promised myself that I would never let anyone squash my spirit again!
Around that same time, I was offered a position of Costume Shop manager with the opportunity to design and teach at the college level. It was a no brainer, of course, took it. The position would start September 2003. Everything was falling into place. I would have health benefits with my new job and a secure financial future.
However, I was still married in the eyes of the law, so thoughts of divorce were looming in the near future.
We discussed the divorce proceedings, but thought it best to wait until I was financially stable with my new job.
The summer of 2003, was a turning point for my plunge into the dating world. It was a rude awakening. I had no idea, how many dysfunctional men were out there. I joined a dating site, and to my dismay, found a lot of married men there. It was quite overwhelming so I removed my profile from the site.
Toward the end of the summer, I decided to give the dating site another try. This time, I changed my profile, and put up new pictures of me with my freshly colored hair...I now attracted all the young men wanting an older woman. I just couldn't win. I was really wanting to find a soul mate. I did find a very nice Greek man, but we just didn't click at the time. He was so cute, coming into Eli Cannon's with his yellow slicker and rain hat on. My heart melted at the first sight of him. We dated a little; but he was very busy with his career.
September came and went, and my first fall semester was behind me. It was very successful, and I gained the confidence of my fellow staff members and with the students as well.
In December of 2003, I decided to go back onto my dating site and give it one more try. It was there, that I found him. My soul mate, the man that I have been searching for my whole life.
I had previously decided to take a trip to Rome during my winter break. January 8th was the departure date. It was a bit heartbreaking to leave him at the very beginning of our relationship. I was off to Rome of course!
I did the usual tourist things, the Vatican, the Spanish Steps, the Colliseum, the designer shopping, Capri, Sorrento, Naples, and just enjoying the most magnificent city in the world!
I was traveling alone, but truly very capable of taking care of myself. I stayed in this lovely hotel just walking distance from the train station. It was on The first Sunday I was there (only two days after my arrival). I had this unbelievable urge to go to the city of Pompei. So off I went to the train station to make my way to Pompei. It was an adventure for sure.
Here is a glimpse of what that day was like:
I proceeded to the train station, upon my arrival, I went into the coffee shop to get a coffee and figure out what train I needed to take. I walked in and a short Italian man came up to me and asked "Cafe?" I said Si, and he went over to the counter and got my coffee, but to my surprise he had two and sat down next to me at my table. It turned out that he was not a waiter, but a customer like myself. So we proceeded to talk to each other for the next 20 minutes. I trying to speak Italian as well as I could and I discovered that he was a very interesting man indeed. He helped me to get to the right train and guided me toward my journey to Naples then to Pompei. As I boarded the train he kissed me on my both of my cheeks and said to call him when I returned to Roma! I took his card and thanked him and off I went to Naples.
On the train I was seated next to a beautiful middle aged Italian woman, and a younger woman was seated across from me. They were talking Italian and I was trying to understand, but they talked so fast it was very difficult.
The young woman eventually went to sleep, and I began to speak, in English, with the other woman. Her name was Francesca and she lived in Naples. We had a lovely conversation for the next hour. Around the end of this hour, the young woman, Lilia, woke up. Lilia and Francesca began talking in Italian again and at the end of this conversation, Francesca told me that Lilia's uncle was a train conductor at the Naples's train station. She arranged for Lilia and her uncle to show me to my next train to Pompei. When the train stopped in Naples, I went with Lilia to find her uncle. He was in the station awaiting Lilia's arrival. They conversed in Italian and then proceeded to ask me to follow them. Now for some reason, I was feeling really safe and trusting, so I did follow them. The uncle explained to me in Italian and English, that if I wanted to be able to get to Pompei in time, he would have to drive me there. So off I went, in complete trust, with Lilia and her uncle in his car. I was watching all the landmarks and I knew we were going the correct way. I saw Mt. Vesuvious to my right, and signs that said Pompei. As he promised, I was brought right to the entrance. I got out of the car, thanked him, and he proceeded to kiss my cheeks and said, "Returnado, call me, I like you". He handed me his card. Wow, two men in a few hours, flattery for sure!
I was just in time to enter the city of Pompei! Had I not gotten dropped right at the entrance, I would have missed my opportunity to visit this magnificent city!
I walked the streets of Pompei, taking in the amazing ruins and artifacts. I had my picture taken inside of Apollo's Temple. The picture is located at the beginning of this memoir. I was completely at home there in that beautiful city. I was drawn down one street, not knowing why, but ended up at a house with tall pillars. I walked up the lawn and proceeded to take in this site. I turned to face the street, and the sun was blazing. I dropped my belongings, stretched my arms out toward the sun and I began to feel like I was being taken away from reality. I felt myself begin to weep very deeply, and I could feel an amazingly hot energy all around me. I began to feel and hear the cries of the people from so long ago. I felt their pain, and I did a meditation to release this pain and their souls. After about what seemed to be 15 minutes, I became calmer, cooler, and opened my eyes. I was back from that cosmic journey. It was incredible, I was mesmerized and I couldn't believe that I had such an experience! It changed my life, that one day, changed my life! From that day forward, I have been able to feel people's pain.
Just as quickly as it happened, it was over and I returned to my exploration of Pompei.
The sun was setting and a guard came over to me to tell me that I should begin to walk toward the exit. We chatted in Italian a bit as we walked down the main road. I was enthralled with the site of the sun setting on an ancient ruin, that I asked if I could go up into the Crypt to take a picture. The guard say "si", so I proceeded to go up the stairs and shot my picture. As I was coming down the stairs, he reached up and put his hands on my waist and lifted me down to the street. As I landed on the street, he looked at me and said, "You are so beautiful!". I yelled at him and said, "You speak English?" and he said yes, and also that he adored the way I spoke Italian.
His name was Roberto, and he was definitely interested in more than showing me to the exit.
He showed me places where tourists were not allowed to go. The most interesting place was a room in a wealthy house. It was called the Wedding night room. On the walls were Frescas depicting the events that took place in that room. The first section was of the bride to be getting bathed and ready for her wedding eve. As the Frescas continued the end picture was of two beautiful men, engaging in intercourse with the virgin. Just as quickly as we entered this room, Roberto whisked me into another smaller room and tried to kiss me. I stopped him and said "No, No, Roberto, You mustn't do that." I demanded that he take me to the exit, and he complied but not before he handed me his business card. He proceeded to tell me that he wanted to see me again and when I returned to Pompei to call him. Okay, number three. As I left the exit gate, the train station was directly across the street. My luck was holding out, I was being guided toward Rome. There was a taxi cab parked with a driver calling out to me for a ride. I said no, and proceeded toward the train station. He got out of the car and followed me into the station. I immediately went up to the window and told them that the cab driver was following me.
They told me that he does that all the time and someone would escort me to the platform. Phew, I was saved again. I was standing on the platform, and there were a few families and a business man. The man, smiled at me, but went back to reading his paper. I got on the train for Naples, and the business man sat across from me but at the other end. I took a window seat and put my feet up on the seat across from me.
It was about a 45 minute train ride, and I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion and the excitement of my Pompei experience.
I opened my eyes and the business man was sitting directly across from me, touching my foot. I put my feet down and said I was sorry to intrude on his space. He laughed and patted the seat next to him. He wanted me to sit next to him. I shook my head no, I was getting off at the next stop anyway.
I got up and walked over to the door and held onto the bar. He also got up and stood directly behind me trying to touch my body. I told him that I would pull the emergency rope if he didn't stop. He apologized and back off. The train was coming to a stop, and he had the audacity to hand me his business card and wanted me to call him sometime.
Number four, what an incredible day!!!
I proceeded to the window to get my ticket validated for my trip back to Rome. I got on the train, and I immediately looked for a compartment that had only women in it. I lucked out and found one.
Here's where the story gets a bit tricky. I was asleep, and I woke up to a woman kissing my head. I was astounded, and just began to laugh hysterically. I had about had it with advancements from the opposite sex, but now my own sex!! Incredible. That was the topper of the day.
I managed to get back to my hotel room without any other incidents occurring.
I entered my hotel lobby, and nice looking middle aged man was working the desk. He smiled and said buon giorno.
I smiled back and said hello. I asked if I had any message and he replied, "Si, a gentleman has left you a message"
I took the piece of paper and proceeded to go to my room.
It was from Marco, a friend that I had been communicating with for over a year.
I was excited to hear from him. He left his phone number and I immediately called him. He wanted to take me to dinner the next day. I said definitely, and we made plans to meet. He was to pick me up at my hotel around 7pm.
I couldn't wait, a real Roman coming to escort me out, in the beautiful city of Rome!!!!
The evening air was so crisp, but on the warmer side for January. He picked me up at my hotel room, kissed me as I opened the door, and brought the biggest bottle of red wine! He said for me to take back to US of A! I thanked him, and we walked out arm and arm toward his car. He drove like a maniac up and down the streets of Rome. We laughed and touched each other ever so gently but with much passion. I was in my glory! Not to mention erotically high! We met up with three other people, 2 men and a very beautiful woman. I found out later that the woman Francesca, was Marco's cousin. We went to the disco and danced for hours. When it was time to go back to my hotel, Marco and Joseph brought me there. I was a bit tipsy from all the wine we drank and I let them both come to my room.
Well you know the saying "When in Rome, do as the Roman's do"..Man oh Man, can the Romans do it! I won't get into details, but it was the most incredible night I have ever had in my life. I was glowing the next day, and everyone wanted to know what I had for breakfast. I merely answered, oh it wasn't breakfast it was the Roman Wine!
The next few days were all about sightseeing in the most magnificent city in the world. Rome has so many treasures. I met up with Marco a few more times, and he took me to places unchartered and territories never ventured. (You can read whatever you want into that!)
I was sad to see this holiday over, but none the less I was excited to go back home. "T" was waiting for my return.
Upon arriving home, I had a few messages from him, wanting to get together. I played a little hard to get, however, and a week went by. I had to clean up my dating house. There were a few other men that I was talking to and seeing, so I needed to be clear of any distractions. I knew that "T" was going to be someone that I wanted to exclusively see. As it turned out, I was right. We had a very intense, physical and emotional relationship for two years. It ended quite tumultuously. I was so in love with this man. He really needed to be let go. It took me a year after our break up to get over him. That was when another Italian man came into my life. At first, I did not want to see him. I was still mourning the relationship with "T". It had really taken a toll on my emotional stability. I am sure that "T" and I were soul mates. The soul mate connection is another story in itself. That theory will be expanded on in another written story.
During the time I was with "T" I never saw another man. That was a first for me, since my divorce.
I vowed that I was going to date as many frogs as I could before I found my prince.
(I am using only initials to protect the innocent) lol
This new Italian man, "Mc" turned out to be not only a gentleman, but a soul connection as well. We had a very spiritual relationship. He was so attuned to me that it was quite eerie..
However, this relationship never had a chance. It was a long distance one, and I cannot sustain a relationship like that. He couldn't find a job in my state, so after about 9 months, I decided to let him go for me. I needed to feel free again. He has never given up on me, he continues to send me messages of encouragement, letters of love, presents for holidays. I have repeatedly told him that I cannot accept these gifts, but he insists all the time. I am at a point right now in my life that I feel free and am able to see whoever I want and desire. Which brings me to "MN"! I have known "MN" for four years. We are very good friends. He is about seven years younger than I, but wiser beyond his years. He is definitely a very hot Greek man! We have always talked about our relationships that went wrong with each other. We know just about everything there is to know about one another.
I am not sure how I feel about him. I have love in my heart for him, but know that we are just friends.I shall ponder on this for a while and let you, know what happens in this chapter!
to be continued.....
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|Reviewed by audrine max
|this is very inspirational.thanks for the story. :)|
|Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
|Nice story, Amber; very well done! :)|
|Reviewed by Poetess of The Soul Sheila G
|Can't wait to read and know more Sweet Amber "V"!
GREAT Adventure life story!
Onward and Upward from here!
Warm Hugs and Warm Love, Warrior Lady Sheeeoox
|Reviewed by LadyJtalks LadyJzTalkZone
|A wonderful beginning to the best half of life. which seems to have less years in it for us but the freedom is wonderful. Lady J|