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Marissa M Couchon

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Why limit your options? Consider Polygamy, I did
By Marissa M Couchon
Friday, June 14, 2013

Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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It's an essay I wrote for my college class, I hope I get a good grade. :)

Why limit your options? Consider Polygamy, I did

              Poly or Polygamy is a lifestyle like monogamy or single. Like the song “Born this way” (Lady Gaga) I truly believe I was born Poly. I remember as a young girl saying “I don’t know who I will love, a man or a woman or both.” When asked why I remember saying “Why should I limit my options by choosing to love a man or woman now? I like my options open.” When I made my arguments back then I didn’t realize that I was poly; or rather that poly was an option for my life. My first wife explained to me what we were; now I know that poly is who I am and how I live. I had always believed I was Bi, and I guess in that I will have sex with either men or women, I am; but staying with only one mate has never fully satisfied me. To those of you who are just trying to find your path or rethink your current path, I’d like to explain that poly is an option and what Poly means; it means I love more than one person. “Polyfamilies” is a term to encompass one person’s polygamous family. Polyfamilies are groups of people who live and love together, sometimes in the same household, sometimes in separate homes. Many of us have kids; some do not. Depending on what works best for their situation. For example, my family has one wife who lives in Texas and one who lives with my husband and me. My wife in Texas has a wife in Texas, a husband in Oklahoma, and me here in California. When I say live and love together I don’t mean sexually; though that does happen too. I do not sleep with all my family members, nor do they. Each of us has our own sexual identity that doesn’t always mesh with the rest. My husband is bisexual, as am I. My first wife is mtf-transgendered, my second wife is lesbian. My first wife’s … wife who lives with her, thinks of herself as straight and so does her husband, who lives in Oklahoma. That may change when my first wife gets her final surgery and my family’s dynamic will most likely change. Her Husband also has a wife who lives with him.

            We are a supportive family, supporting each other in various ways, financially, emotionally or physically. We each provide something to the other. My wife in Texas provides me with intellectual conversation, as she is more educated than my other spouses, not that my other spouses are stupid … they aren’t. She is more than that; she has helped me financially when she was able, my mentor when needed, and an excellent business contact. When I am lucky enough to see her in person, my husband and I enjoy her company immensely. My wife here satisfies me in many ways, she’s a great study buddy/coach, and she helps me to be a better housekeeper. She has a way of easing the tension when I have an argument with someone; she pleases me emotionally and physically. My husband has the ability make me laugh even when I am mad … usually; he also provides me with financial and emotional support. He is my sounding board when I need to air my feelings; I know he will listen and try to understand. He sees things differently than I do and helps balance my thoughts; he calms me or riles me up as needed. I should note that wife and husband in my essay is not a legal state; it’s just a way to identify the relationship we feel we have with each other. The laws do not allow polygamy in any of the states. Polygamy is strongly identified with the Mormon faith by some in the general public, even though the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has condemned the practice since 1890 and today excommunicates those of its members thought to be practicing it. Nevertheless, polygamy is secretly practiced in Utah and its neighboring states. In fact, it's estimated that 30,000 to 60,000 polygamists live in that region. (

            My family came together slowly; my husband and I are legally married and decided to open our family to another person or couple ten years ago. We joined swinging sites and didn’t like what we found. Those sites were all about the sex, and we wanted something more than a one night stand.  After a couple of years it was obvious finding someone for both of us was going to be difficult. We agreed I would search for myself; if it worked out for him too great. I joined several dating sites and it was at one such site that I met my wives. My first wife became a friend almost immediately after I joined one, we sent comments and tags, but didn’t chat until much later. It took only a few months of chatting for us to exchange phone numbers. Later she came to California for her job; admittedly it was about the sex that time. She comes out about every six months and spends a week here. We would go meet up with her. My second wife joined us in November. She and I had talked for about six months before she decided to move in here. We’d been friends for over a year. She decided in April to come here, but it took months to save the money. She arrived the day before Thanksgiving and two days before my birthday; she was the best birthday gift ever and she completed my family.

Polygamy has brought many changes to our life, first of all this was the first time anyone moved in with us; secondly it made me feel content and  my husband has decided he is also transgendered and not just a cross-dresser. It was a bone of contention for a while but we’ve worked it out, I love him more than ever, uh … her, I’ll have to work on that. Being Poly has its pros and cons just as there are in being monogamous. In any relationship it’s a matter of what’s most important, do you want to let it fall apart or keep it together. My husband and wives, maybe someday just wives, complete me; they make me feel whole, safe and satisfied. When I need help I can count on them to help me, whenever I have a need for anything one or another is there for me. In my monogamous relationship I didn’t have that; even when I tried swinging it wasn’t as fulfilling as now. I am finally content and satisfied. I am glad I found out about polygamy. I am a polyamorous woman and have been my whole life; I just didn’t know the name, but my thoughts have always been polyamorous.


Works Cited The Discovery Channel Article: Is polygamy legal anywhere in the United States?

Lady Gaga- Lady Gaga’s Official Site



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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 6/18/2013
While I admire a good-looking man, I never had any desire for anything sexual with a man. And I don't find anything particularly sexual about two women making love. However, I'm open to the idea of multiple relationships because we are not genetically prepared to be monogamous, hence so many divorces and breakups over these issues.

Children need to be nurtured in a healthy, loving family, and that is not the case with all the contemptuous breakups and divorces going on over religiously imposed monogamy. I think that polygamy is fine, as long as jealousies and territorial issues don't spill over into affecting children.

More power to you.


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