AuthorsDen.com   Join Free! | Login    
Happy 4th of July!
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Janice Scott, iMark Lichterman, iChidi Asika-Enahoro, iFlorence Weinberg, iSherri Smith, iAlan Brenham, iWilliam Cottringer, i

  Home > Humor > Stories
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

E. P. Ned Burke

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· News
· Stories
· Blog
· 9 Titles
· 4 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Jun, 2007

E. P. Ned Burke, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




Featured Book
2031: The Singularity Pogrom
by Dan Ronco

No one really has the guts to say it, but if we could make better human beings by knowing how to add genes, why shouldn’t we? —-- James Watson, Co-disc..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members


Mrs. Claus Goes For A Ride
By E. P. Ned Burke
Saturday, October 18, 2008

Rated "PG" by the Author.

Share    Print  Save   Follow

Recent stories by E. P. Ned Burke
· The Guy Was Beautiful
· A Charlie Brown Prom Night
           >> View all 3


Santa's midnight Christmas Eve turns into a bumpy trip when his wife goes along for the ride.

It was the night before Christmas and jolly old Santa was quietly loading up his sleigh when Mrs. Claus yelled out, "And just where do you think you're going tonight, Nicholas?”

"Why, Nellie dear," Santa said with a grin, "have you forgotten what night this is?”

Nellie Claus wrapped a shawl around her shoulders and walked out to the sleigh.
“Guess you're going to tell me it's Christmas Eve again," she said, standing In the deep snow beside her husband. "And I guess all this junk in your sleigh is for those nice well-behaved children you're always telling me about, huh?" She paused and raised both bushy eyebrows. "Come on! What do you take me for, huh? I've heard that same story a hundred times!" She jabbed her bony finger into her husband's obese middle. "Not this time, Nick! I'm going with you."

Fifteen minutes later poor old Nick was on his twenty-second "but-but" when his wife, dressed In a matching red outfit, jumped into the sleigh and said, “Nicholas! Are we going or not?"

"But ... but ... aaah, all right, all right." The big guy climbed into the sleigh reluctantly.

After a while he relaxed and enjoyed the scenery. It was a beautiful night for a sleigh flight. The stars sparkled silently; silhouetting the solar system and the mystic moon mellowed merrily before the Milky Way. Of course, he never uttered those words to his wife. She hated alliteration.

That night all the heavens seemed to sparkle and shine for these two celestial travelers. But soon they left all this majesty and descended upon the unmajestic world far below.
As they came down to earth, Nellie repeatedly warned her husband about getting too close to the telephone lines and was also kind enough to point out to him his many other bad driving habits.

But the thing that really got her uptight was when her husband decided to enter the first house by using the front door. She called him back and said, "Why aren't you using the chimney?"

Santa flung the bundle of toys to the ground and shouted at his wife. “Oh Nellie! For crying out loud! I gave up that chimney routine fifty years ago!”
"Why? Don't they make chimneys as wide any more?"

Santa's face turned bright red and his nose lit up like a cherry. He raised and lowered his clenched fist a few times and snarled at his wife. "Ho! Ho! Ho! You're a riot, Nellie! You're a real comedian! That's it. Keep it up. Keep it up." He pointed toward the moon. "One of these days. POW! ... ZOOM! You'll be the first human satellite!"

Nellie got out of the sleigh and playfully patted her husband's belly. "Come on, Jackie Gleason, let's get to work."

They spent the next six hours tip-toeing into and out of each and every yuletide dwelling across this great planet. Then as they took off for home, Santa joyously exclaimed to the sleepy world below: “Happy Christmas to all ... and to all a good night!"

Nellie turned to her husband, raised her eyebrows, and looked over her glasses at her husband.

"Nicholas,” she said sarcastically. “We can do without the commercial … just shut up and drive."

       Web Site: Yesterday's Magazette

Want to review or comment on this short story?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!



Popular Humor Stories
1. Better Late Than Never. ...
2. A Reluctant Father Christmas
3. Please Don't
4. Big Bird & the fish pond
5. A Man and His Dog
6. Nude-Night-Naughty 6
7. Chapter 3 The Parrot's Tale
8. Duped Net: The Interrogation
9. Drill Sergeant
10. The Elephant

My Twill is Tasted: I Mean…My Tale is Twisted by John Rayburn

A demonstration of how such stories as Aesop's Fables, student word play, inadvertent slips of the lip can contribute to hilarious verbal and written language mishaps...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered by Jay Dubya

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered (Part I) is adult literature featuring adult content and language...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.