EIGHT SUREFIRE WAYS TO TELL IF YOU’RE A JEWISH MOTHER
Just about everyone has heard oodles of jokes about Jewish Mothers. Comedians love them. One day when I had nothing better to do, I started to wonder, “What really qualifies someone to be a Jewish Mother?”
You see, my mother was Jewish, but she would have been drummed out of the corps in a heartbeat for failing to conform. Outside of encouraging everyone to eat something…her favorite saying was: you could stand to gain five pounds, honey, I don’t think she would have made it past the first plateau as far as placing of guilt and practicing Jewish Standard Time are concerned. On the other hand, picture the character Marie on Everyone Likes Raymond. Now there was a bona fide candidate if I ever saw one. Sure she was supposed to be Italian, but so what. This woman was what would be called a Maven Jewish Mother. The best of the best!
As I thought about this conundrum, I decided if there was something like an Academy of Jewish Mother Research, perhaps a team of researchers could spend millions of dollars to come up with conclusive findings that would prove there is no requirement for a Jewish Mother (in the future we’ll call this a JM) to be Jewish, a mother or even female. Since ludicrous amounts of money are wasted on ridiculous studies every time you turn around, doesn’t a study like this seem to have more merit than some? I can see the headlines now.