Phydoux wants to get into the Christmas action with a story about Christmas in his life. This dog is crazy --- but you knew that!

Christmas has always been very interesting in my life. As a baby I was a Christmas gift to a family with children. Humans talk about being delivered by a stork but I was delivered by a fat man in a red suit. The scariest part of it was when we went down the chimney. I think I was a white dog when I was born but I was definitely black when I got under the Christmas tree. Santa had a red suit and I was covered with black soot. The children wanted to call me smokey but the bear objected. They thought about Inky. I guess since I’m a writer that would have been a good pen name. Papermate would also have been good but I really had trouble with that part of my housebreaking experience. Finally the old man said, “Let’s just call him Fido. He’s only a dog.” When I knew I was getting famous I changed the spelling to Phydoux.

Every Christmas I was tempted early. They put that tree up with all those pretty lights on it and all the presents under it. Didn’t they realize how curious I would be about what might be in those packages? It is so fun to tear those ribbons and look inside. And those lights – I was only trying to rearrange them to improve the balance. That was not a good reason to put me outside in the cold weather. But I guess I taught them. After the first year they put Santa’s cookies and milk much higher.

On Christmas morning they all opened their gifts and all they offered me was the wrapping paper. I could have had all the wrapping whenever I wanted it. I think that was sadistic! Any time they had a gift that looked interesting, they wouldn’t let me play with it. At the end of the gift exchange they’d give me one of those stupid dog toys. Wow! I tried to look pleased as I gnawed on the tasteless piece of rubber. They gave me a ball but kept taking it away from me. I guess they couldn’t decide whether they wanted me to have it or not. One year they replaced the ball with a frisbee and it was actually fun.

After their dinner they sat and read the Christmas story. It was hard for a dog to understand. It was something like “there went out a de-flea from Caesar Augustus.” I knew fleas had been around a long time. They said there was a giant “Senses” and everyone was to be registered. Everyone went to be tagged. I can identify. I thought they said something about going to Bethleham. I thought they didn’t eat ham. It got very confusing.

They told about Mary who was very famous. I never found out why she was famous but they definitely said she was “great”. Maybe she had a child care facility because it said she was great with child. They must have been bad with grammar because it should have said she was great with children.

The story quickly turns to shepherds who liked to raise flowers but only did it after dark. It said “there were shepherds keeping watch over their phlox by night.” While they were sitting there looking at their flowers a bunch of angels appeared. This really hurt the shepherds because it said they were “sore afraid.” I been so scared that I was sore – especially the time I was running away from something that scared me and ran into the sliding glass door.

They told the Shepherds they would find the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes. Now I don’t know what that is. I’m not very acquainted because I’ve never known anyone who swaddled. I have no idea what kind of clothes one would wear if they swaddled. The shepherds must have known because they took off immediately and went to see for themselves. It must have been a strange sight – three people in a manger. It says they found Mary and Joseph and the child lying in a manger. Now that’s a big manger.

Well, that’s some of my Christmas memories. I’d better go make my Christmas cards on the computer. I think I’m going to have the following message:
“On this special Christmas time
let us paws before the manger
and leave our gifts.”
Isn’t that sweet?