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larry r linville

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Phydoux on a Diet
By larry r linville
Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Phydoux is writing again. He's on a diet and not happy about it. I'll let him tell you his story.


I think it’s a conspiracy! My vet is sadistic and she has convinced my owners to join in the plot. They say I’m too fat and need to lose weight. Baloney--- oh that sounds good! Anything sounds good right now. I’m starving. My ribs are rubbing against each other. Oh, ribs sounds good – with plenty of sauce!
In the days of my ancestors we were on our own. We weren’t penned up and we could go out and hunt for all the food we wanted. They could catch a rabbit or a squirrel with no trouble. Now we are inside the house all day. That has never been a problem because I always had a bowl with dog food in it. Now the taste of that dog food is another issue but at least it fills my stomach. You know I always got the cheapest dog food at Walmart.
I also learned how to do cute things and get “treats.” They weren’t the best treats but they were the best you could get cheap at Walmart. Cuteness also could get me some food from the table. Those crusts from pizza aren’t bad, especially when they have some sauce on them.
Now I get a small amount of food in the morning so I have nothing to eat again until my small cup I get in the evening. I feel like I’m being abused. Starvation is abuse. If I don’t eat it all, they take my bowl up and I can finish it in the evening.
I think everything is ironic because the adults in my house are all overweight but I’m on a diet. I wish the vet was fat but she isn’t. I have to sit around and watch the adults all eat three big meals a day and snack on sweets between meals. Their doctor told them they should lose weight but you don’t see them eat a small bowl of food twice a day. It isn’t right!
The only hope I have to get more food is to sit under the table and grab any food that falls to the floor. I’ve found it’s better to be near Daddy’s side of the table because he misses his mouth more often. I lick the floor to get every last taste but sometimes I get a splinter in my tongue
I have to watch the TV and see all the food advertised. Once in a while there is a bad commercial about how it’s important to keep you dog slim, but most of the commercials look so good.   That is torture.
They say I should exercise but nobody here will take me for a walk. They open the door to the back yard and shout, “Phydoux, go exercise!” They climb on their Wii fit plus when they could be walking me around the neighborhood.
I don’t know how much I have to lose but I’m fearful I will be on a diet the rest of my life – just like they are supposed to be. If anyone has some spare food, would you pleased throw it over the fence in the back yard. I guarantee I will be able to smell it and get to it. 

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Reviewed by D Johnson 7/7/2010
Of course you know, Phydoux, you could always pull a "Ghandi" on them until they see you so weak, they relent and shower you with the good stuff...just a thought.

Cheers and good luck,
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 7/7/2010
If my name was Phydoux I would have kept on running, far away of that fat lazy humans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL


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