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Chuckie Finn

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Open Mouth - Insert Foot
By Chuckie Finn
Sunday, September 19, 2004

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Nothing like drawing a conclusion much too quickly!



The new Musical Comedy The Producers, a play written by the legendary comic genius Mel Brooks and starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick was on our performance calendar this month.

For what seemed like weeks prior to the performance, the topic of conversation centered on the many film farces and parodies which Mel Brooks had written, directed or actually starred in. The nervous tension and anticipated excitement of nearly everyone connected with the theater mounted as opening night drew closer…and then the unthinkable happened. I “accidentally” overheard a whispered confidential conversation between two of our executive directors. For a fleeting moment I was riveted to the spot with my right ear pressed firmly against the men’s room door to listen intently to their brief chat. My mouth fell open when I heard one of them say Mel Brooks was coming here to his guest and then join him for dinner after the show!

Armed with this tidbit of information and with a flickering of gleam in my eyes and the satisfaction of a chess player who just placed his opponent in checkmate, I approached my boss.

“I know something you don’t know,” I said in a melodic tone of voice.

“Why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat?” George asked.

I gently tugged him by the arm to accompany me away from the other stagehands. In a hushed tone of voice, I informed George that Mel Brooks was going to be here opening night and that he was going to be going out on the town with one of our directors after the play.

George creased his forehead and gave me disbelieving stare. “Chuckie, Mel Brooks is nearly eighty years old. I don’t think he would want or be able to paint the town red with one of our head guys from upstairs.”

After my insistence that the one and only Mel Brooks, was going to be here, George reluctantly allowed me to have the last word. As I spread this fascinating piece of scuttlebutt to everyone I knew, I felt rather proud of myself getting the inside scoop on what was happening Behind the Scenes. In fact, even my neighbor asked if I would purchase an advance ticket for his sister residing in Montreal, Canada. I received her personal check for $25.00 to cover the cost of the ticket. When I went to cash the check to reimburse myself my out of pocket expense, the bank teller asked me for another $10.00. I thought for a moment I was caught on Candid Camera. She said there was a $35.00 fee to process foreign checks, therefore I owed her ten more dollars. The sad part was the teller actually believed I was going to allow her to keep the original $25.00 check and pay her the ten additional dollars.

Opening night was a gala celebration, and much to my red faced embarrassment, Mel Brooks did arrive with open arms for our director. I am sure SHE and her date for the evening shared champagne and danced the night away under a canopy of stars after the play. Mel Brooks turned out to be Melissa Brooks, a part time librarian and insurance broker who has been keeping steady company with our director for quite some time.

Mel Brooks once said “Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die”. One of the disappointed stagehands was quick to point out to me he knew the whereabouts of a road with a missing manhole cover just a short distance from the theater that I may be interested in looking into very closely.


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Reviewed by Connie Long 8/27/2012
So funny Chuckster. Bout perfect for learning not to spread overheard comments.
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge 9/28/2004
I love to read you Chuckie, you always brighten my day. You have a magnificent sense of humor!
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 9/19/2004
Delightful! Well done, Chuckie; enjoyed~

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D




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