It felt good sleeping in my old bed at home, better than sleeping with the smells of hospital. My parents place smelled like Febreeze and all spice, not the strong sickening smell of death and disease. I was thankful for the hospital, thankful that I was able to get the care I needed, but I certainly did not want to have to spend a lot of time in the hospital. I was glad to be moving on with my life. I wanted to get back to reporting, the sooner the better, but first I had to get back home, and that day was coming. I had already told my Mother I was only spending a few days with her.
“Mom I am going back to my place today. I’ve been here a week and now I want to get back on my own.”
“I wish you would stay here longer.”
“I know you do Mom, and I love you, but I still have my house, and I am not letting it go. I am not letting the fact I was shot let me be scared from living my life. You will be happy to know that Nanna is staying with me for awhile though, so I won’t be on my own completely, she is waiting for the couple to move out of the place she bought. I haven’t seen it yet, but she says she is going to take me.”
“Sari I worry about you. I can’t help that.”
“I know Mom, and to tell you the truth I do get scared sometimes Mom. I am not going to lie to you and say this is all easy for me, because it is not. I was shot, I was paralyzed from the waist down, and I will live with that for the rest of my life, but I can choose to live my life in fear or I could go on with my life, and thank God I am alive. I choose to thank God I am alive.”
“Honey you are stronger than I could be.”
“Mom you don’t give yourself enough credit you are strong. You were strong enough to stand by me through the toughest time of my life.”
“I love you Sari, and I am proud of you. You keep leaning on the Lord and I will try to understand why you can’t stay with your Dad and I.”
“I love you Mom.”
“I love you too Sari.”
Mom and I hugged until I felt I was getting smothered in her embrace, then Nanna drove me to my house. It was going to be different being at home and I was going to face new challenges but I had expected that, and I was going to make myself ready for that.
Nanna had errands to run that evening so she was going to help me get settled, and then she was going to do what she had to do. The idea of being completely alone was a little overwhelming, but I knew the time would come when I was going to be completely alone all the time, well not completely alone I had Jesus with me all the time so I was never completely alone and I knew I would find comfort in that.
“Are you going to be okay if I have to go out tonight?” Nanna asked.
“Yes I will be okay Nanna.”
“You looked a little worried.”
“I’ll be okay Nanna.”
“I know you will honey.”
“Thank you for having faith in me Nanna.”
“You’ve proved yourself strong Sari, and more importantly you know that you need to lean on the Lord, it is when you rest in him that you truly find strength.”
I enjoyed spending the afternoon with Nanna. We talked a lot about the past, and things we had done, and we talked a little about the future and she told me again how proud of me she was and how glad she would be when she got to see me on T.V again, she use to have me send her tapes of my reports when she was in Boston.
I was thankful for Nanna, thankful that she would be staying with me for a few days. I had, had so much fun when I use to stay with Nanna as a young girl and now it was my turn to be the host. It also made me feel better having here there. I was getting a bad feeling about David, this man may try to escape and he may try to come after me again.
I could not give in to that fear. David was not going to have that kind of control over me anymore. I would not and could not let him.
Lord I do not want to be overcome with fear, I want to make it through this, without letting what David did ruin my life. Lord I want to serve you through all of this. I love you and I praise you.
I wheeled myself outside to see Nanna off. She was going to meet with the realtor at seven, and then she had a friend she wanted to see. I planned to spend the time watching a DVD or maybe checking emails. It had been a long time since I had even turned my computer on. My desktop and laptop both rested on their designated spaces, along with the stories that I had been working on.
Maybe I should call the station in the morning. I was hoping they would at least have something I could work on from home, anything would be better than nothing, at least that is the way I felt about it.
I grabbed my laptop and transferred myself from my wheelchair to the couch. Thankful that I had set up wireless at my house. I could work from any room in my house from my laptop, but right now it was just checking emails, and maybe playing a game.
As my computer booted I grabbed the roommate off the end table, and flipped on the television. Maybe I would watch a comedy, I felt like having a good laugh, the only problem was that many of the comedies on Television went against everything I believed, everything being a Christian stood for.
I could not pay attention to the television program or the computer because I started hearing strange noises outside.
I prayed it was only my imagination.
Lord let me get through this night, I need your help to not freak out. I do not want fear to overtake me. I ask these things in Jesus name amen.