Hi Kia

I would ask you how you are, but I already know

yeah, that's a loaded question

I know

I have had the most horrible day

I know Kia, I want to help you through this

I don't know if there is anything you can do

but I do appreciate your support

I wish there were something I could do

everybody thinks I am so strong, but I am not

not at all

I know what happened to you is enough to break anyone down

Have you talked to Sierra, she wants to help?

I thought I could handle this on my own, not have to tell anyone. I tried, I really did

I know you did Kia

But nobody can handle something like that on there onw

Own

I thought I could

it's so humilating to have everyone know what happened

I know Kia, but you are brave to talk about it

and everything I went through at the drs office, made me feel like it was happening all over again

I knew that was going to happen I am so sorry Kia

I wish I had never told Mama

Kia you can't keep something like that inside, you just can't

I feel like I have taken a million showers since this happened but I still feel filthy. I have scrubbed until my skin is red and bleeding and I can't get his smell off of me. It won't come off

I still smell him, on my skin, in my hair, everywhere

I am sorry Kia, I really wish I could help you, I feel like I am helpless to help you

I am so sore, from what he did to me and the dr's office.

I just hurt and nothing I do makes the hurt go away

how am I supposed to move on, get past this, when he is still out there?

I don't know Kia, the cops are going to find him, we have to believe that

can I tell you something, something I have not told anyone else?

sure

you have to promise NEVER to tell anyone, EVER.

what Kia?

there was more than one man when I was raped

I can't promise without knowing what I am promising you know that

omgosh Kia, I am so sorry

there were four of them

how could they do that to you Kia?

and they all raped me over and over for an hour

I haven't told anyone else

mama thinks it only happened once

I was in so much shock and so embarrased, I didn't correct her thinking only one person was involved

Kia that is to much for you to be holding in, it cant be good for you

I'm scared

I know you are Kia, and I feel helpless

scared to sleep, scared to leave the house

to help you, I feel like I should be doing something

what if they come back and kill me.

Kia you cant think like that

they said they would if I talked

why don't you stay at our house this weekend, Mom already talked to Aunt Kendra

I didn't want to talk, mama forced me to tell the police what happened

you had to or it could happen again

I will be home this weekend Kia, I want you to stay with me

what if they get me as I am walking to your house? They know where I live. One of them followed me home after they let me go.

you wont walk to my house

I appreciate that

what if they see me leave and then get me at your house?

they wont you will leave from the Rehab hospital, Aunt Kendra comes every morning to see me

I am afraid to even go to sleep tonight

I know and thats why I want to be here for you

I keep thinking I hear things outside

I'm just a kid, I shouldn't be having to deal with this crap

why don't you come to the hospital

you can stay here, someone is always here nobody will sneak in

b.c I still wouldn't sleep

but we would be together

I think it's not physically possible

and I would not want to keep you awake all night

I still have trouble sleeping Kia

getting lonely w.out Susie?

so you wouldnt be keeping me anymore awake than that

thats part of it

I bet it is quiet in there tonight

But I am afraid to sleep still

why?

you don't want to hear my troubles you have enough of your own?

I would rather hear yours than think about mine

I'm scared to sleep, scared that I will wake up and be in the same shape I was when I first came in here

I am still so helpless, I can't even go to the bathroom on my own

well, believe me, I know how humiliating that can be, after what I went through today, as if being raped was not enough

sorry

it just sucks

that dr should know all about my private places, not a good feeling, believe me

I know

I felt just about as violated by the dr as I did those men

yeah I would imagine so

only I wasn't naked this time. I did have a gown and a sheet

I hope I never have to go through that again

but I will have to. they want to check me again in six weeks to make sure I am healing

I do too

hope you never have to go through that

sorry, I got sick just thinking about what will happen in six weeks and had to dash to the bathroom

its okay

the nurse had to come in and change my sheets again when will I stop soiling myself?

I hate to say it, but probably never

thats encouraging

hey, I am nothing if not honest...

I know

and I appreciate your honesty

they would do something too keep you from doing that it would seem

I have a colostonmy bag, and cathether, but they arent full proof I guess

Mom keeps pressing me for details. I am so tried of being prodded and poked and violated.

I know and I am sorry Kia

it seems like I am being physically or verbally prodded every minute of the day

yeah I know Kia

If I were not so afraid to leave the house, I would run away from home

Kia the doctors are coming in telling me its time to go to bed

ok

well, thanks for listening to me whine. I appreciate it

will you think about staying with me over the weekend?

what are cousins for?

yeah, I will think about it

Susie has been really sweet to me too. I don't know if she has ever told you everything that happened to her when she was kidnapped, but she told me

I could tell her hurt her to talk about it but she insisted

yes she told me too, its really sad

she was in so much pain. I just wanted to cry.

I know it is really sad

but she made her mom bring her over to see me

and by the time she was back in the car, she could not keep from crying out.

I felt so bad that she made herself go through that, just for me

I know it is really hard for her

I mean she called and wanted me to come see her, but I wouldn't leave the house, and then the next thing I know she is at my front door

wow

she walked over?

she had her mom put her in the car and drive her

oh okay

I really felt like scum

for putting her through all that

you shouldnt, she doesnt open up to very many people

I meant not only the emotional pain but the physical as well

I know but you should feel honored, she really doesnt tell many people about it, that means she feels safe with you

good night Kia, try and get some rest okay?

I think she was trying to help me see she actually could understand

ok, I guess I will see you think weekend, maybe

yeah she is like that, she really trusts you and I am glad

yeah I think I am going to see if Susie can come over too, for a few hours at least

maybe we should go over there

it liked to have killed her to be moved that much, and I don't live that far from her

I live two doors down from her remember?

you live in soulsbyville

well, dinner just came back up

or however you spell it

I am sorry Kia

I'm sorry, I am not very with things tonight

its okay

I wish I could give you a hug

me too

I wish someone was here to wrap their arms around me and let me feel safe

I can't exactly wrap my arms around anyone yet, but I will do my best to be here for you okay?

I appreciate that

I guess I am going to lose everything I ate today

maybe you should go to the doctors, they might give you something to settle your stomach

I don't think it would help

I am going to go and try to lay down I think.

it couldnt help I don't think, you really don't need to loose anymore wait, and if you keep getting sick you are going to end up in the hospital

maybe I would feel safer if I were in the hospital

o Kia, I feel so helpless to help you

it's ok. it's not your fault

Mama is coming. I better go. She doesn't know I am still awake

ol

ok

good night

good night