Hey Audrey

I gave you all a scare didn't I?

Hi

how are you?

Yes, you certianly did

I think poor Susie might never get over it

Actually all considered, I am doing okay, longing for something over than this hospital food

LOL

well, you might as well get use to that one, as you will be having it for a while

I know

But seriously I wanted to talk to you about Susie

and after you come home, you have to be on that heart healthy diet

I know

I know, you want to talk me out of sending her to that facility

I can live with that, because at least I will be home

Yeah its not a good place Audrey, I speak from experience

There are better options, better facilities

she needs help, and that is the closest place available

Closest is not always the best

I would have to send her to Kansas if I didn't send her to this one

Please listen to me, because I am speaking from experience

at least she would get the help she needs, even if they aren't the most caring to the patients

Then send her to Kansas

They have many deaths linked to that facility

we can't afford that facility

Several patients killed themselves

I will help you

I just don't know what to do. I don't want her to harm herself again

Thats not the answer Audrey

If I had been sent to a place like that I would not be here today

there doesn't seem to actually be an answer

I was once in Susie's place

I didn

I will help you send her to Kansas

I didn't know that

Not many people do

I don't want her that far from me

There is a private facilty in Tenesse, I can help you send her there, I have the money and I would be honored if you would let me help her in that way

as it is, I am not sleeping at night because I am trying to always know what she is doing

You have to get sleep yourself

I couldn't live w. myself if she tried again

she still won't tell me why she tried in the first place

i know

She wasnt really trying to hurt herself

I know it doesnt make sense but she wasnt

she told me, but I am not sure I believe her

Believe her, I told you I have been in that place before

what if she is just trying to cover for what she did?

It may be hard to believe but I wasnt trying to kill myself when I slit my wrists

I am sure you have seen the scars

yes, I have

I am just sick with worry she will do it again

I have talked to her I dont think she is trying to cover what she did

I'm sure you think I don't love my daughter, b.c I would send her to such a horrible place

I never said that

I know you didn't

But I told you I would help you send her to the private facility here in Tenesse, will you let me do that?

I hate to burden you with that expense

I have come to think of Susie like a niece, I would do the same with Rebekka Rachel

it's not a burden

I have the money, I dont like to talk about it, but I have it

I know it can't be cheap

I didnt say it was cheap I asked if I could help

I guess so

I was rewarded money from the courts from the man who raped me, I havent been able to use it, it just felt wrong, but for this it seems right

I would help Rebekka Rachel if she needed that kind of help and I will do the same for Susie

I know Susie will be glad not to be going to the "prison hospital" as she calls it

I know I researched this place yesterday, they can bring stuff with them, even there laptops for the first week they go through extensive therapy

I hope it is nicer than that other place

Its alot nicer

I have to agree with Susie, that other place was like a prison

they have gardens that wrap around the buliding, they have a recrecreation room

I think she hasn't stopped crying since I told her she was going there

And only a week of having to be away from there family, then they have visiting days three days a week

And they have spiritual counselling as well

I worry about her so much.

Thank you for letting me do this, I feel as if I can help her in someway

of all my children, she is the most fragile

the way I was helped

I hope it helps

she's just been so affected by everything that happened to her

People look at me and feel the same way but it takes alot of inner strength to surive what we have survived, and to live with this monster MD

I imagine it does

she's so strong, even though she does not think she is

Yes she is

I am afraid I have to go Audrey, the nurses are coming in with a sleeping pill

ok, I will let you tell Susie the good news

she is itching to talk to you

Good and tell her I am going to make it

That the heart attack was mild and she did the exactly right thing

just a second

she just came in the room

these pills knock me out quickly :S

ok, she is just going to talk on my account, not sign in to her own

okay

Hey Susie!

Hi

Mom told me you are going to be okay

I wanted to say I am sorry

Yes thank you, you did the exactly right thing

About what sweetie?

for causing you to have a heartattack

that wasnt you sweetie, the MD has started affecting my heart

it's all my fault

I made you drag up your past when you were already low, and it made you have a heart attack

When I dropped the plate at lunch yesterday, that should have been the clue because I had a sharp pain going through my arm

No honey it was not your fault, and you did the exactly right thing, if you hadn't been so quick to action I may not be here

but talking about your past had to upset you

and you didn't need that

No honey

It wasnt that at all

I should have asked that of you

Sometimes you have to talk about your past

You cant hold on to that pain

so actually you helped me

talking about mine gives me nightmares and flashbacks

I wanted to share with you some good news though

its more fresh for you sweetie

I haven't eveen told Rebekah Rachel or anyone some of the stuff I went through

I know honey

Did you want the good news?

I haven't eveen told Rebekah Rachel or anyone some of the stuff I went through

I know honey

Did you want the good news?

You are not going to have to go to that PTSD facilitity

really? that sounds too good to be true

You're Mom is sending you to a better place, we just had a long talk about it

This place you are going to you can bring your journal even your laptop

I'm surprised you were able to change her mind

and you arent restrained

I knew she would sweetie, she only wants the best for you

I can't talk long though honey, the nurses just gave me a sleeping pill

but she can't afford the other place

it's private

You can come by and see me tomorrow if you would like though

Thats not your worry

I have a confession to make

What sweetie?

I kinda sorta hurt myself on purpose last night.

What did you do sweetie?

I cut my wrist, but not all the way across. not as bad as before. I just made a few little marks

Its not good

Thats not good sweetie

I was so frusterated b.c Mom wouldn't listen to me

I told you I would talk to her

I am going to have to go though sweetie, these pills kick in pretty quickly

but I tried to talk to her and she wouldn't listen to me

But I am going to be okay, I want you to know that

I'm sorry

I talked to her sweetie

I started to not even tell anyone

Why are you sorry, you arent giving me the pills

Good Night honey