March.25.2009

12:40 A.M PST

Shriners Hospital, Davis California

I can't sleep, the sorrow still has me drowning.  Two weeks have past since that horrible accident, since finding out I will never walk again, and I find myself praying that I will get through this.  I feel as if my world has been turned upside down.

I used to be able to cheer and now I can not walk.  I feel broken, my emotions put through a ringer.

I want to be back with my old life, living at home with my parents, in the beautiful foothills, summers we often stay at Twain Harte, a beautiful little Cabin up there, and the rest of the year its Sonora close to my school.  I go to a private Christian school, Motherlode Christian, but I do not know if I will be going back.  I am afraid, but right now I am not even home from the hospital.

At least here at Shriners others understand what I am going through.  I don't feel like the odd one out so to put it.

This weekend the doctor wants me to go home for the weekend to "adjust" I guess.  He says I have at least a few more weeks in the hospital, but a trip home would do me good.

I am not so sure, I have so many reminders there, and everyone will have questions.

I am trying to have faith, I thought I believed before, but now I am wondering if I ever did.  I am wondering if this aching doubt in my heart will be healed.

I get tired of hearing of people who have been through so much more than I have.  They are not me, and they do not know what I am going through.

Great I have made myself cry again, I know I need to snap out of this, but how?

Jasmine~