"It's her Sophia, I am sure it's her..."

Chapter Fifteen:

    “Before we start digging, I think we should be sure this is really Anna.” Sophia said to me, one evening after we were discussing the reappearance of our sister that we had long believed dead.

    “It’s her Sophia, I am sure it’s her.  I saw that picture, I saw the picture of her little girl.  It’s her.”

    “Isha we can’t be sure.”

    “I am sure Sophia, as sure as the air I am believing.  Anna is alive and something caused her to dissapear to make us spend all these years believing she was dead.  I don’t know but I feel that our Father has something to do with this.”

    I was trying to figure things out with my sister, and trying to help my daughter get through this.  The recovery from the stroke was a long process and not an easy one I was going to do my best to make sure Anna grew stronger, that she knew that through this battle I was going to fight with her.

    As I tried to figure out how I was going to tell my children about there Aunt, Vania’s Mother, I found myself turning to the Bible, reading Romans 15.  I prayed for the Lord’s guidance.

Romans 15
1We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."[a] 4For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
5May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, 6so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
7Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. 8For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews[b]on behalf of God's truth, to confirm the promises made to the patriarchs 9so that the Gentiles may glorify God for his mercy, as it is written:
"Therefore I will praise you among the Gentiles;
I will sing hymns to your name."[c] 10Again, it says,
"Rejoice, O Gentiles, with his people."[d] 11And again,
"Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles,
and sing praises to him, all you peoples."[e] 12And again, Isaiah says,
"The Root of Jesse will spring up,
one who will arise to rule over the nations;
the Gentiles will hope in him."[f]
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Paul the Minister to the Gentiles
14I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. 15I have written you quite boldly on some points, as if to remind you of them again, because of the grace God gave me 16to be a minister of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles with the priestly duty of proclaiming the gospel of God, so that the Gentiles might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit.
17Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God. 18I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by what I have said and done— 19by the power of signs and miracles, through the power of the Spirit. So from Jerusalem all the way around to Illyricum, I have fully proclaimed the gospel of Christ. 20It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation. 21Rather, as it is written:
"Those who were not told about him will see,
and those who have not heard will understand."[g] 22This is why I have often been hindered from coming to you.
Paul's Plan to Visit Rome
23But now that there is no more place for me to work in these regions, and since I have been longing for many years to see you, 24I plan to do so when I go to Spain. I hope to visit you while passing through and to have you assist me on my journey there, after I have enjoyed your company for a while. 25Now, however, I am on my way to Jerusalem in the service of the saints there. 26For Macedonia and Achaia were pleased to make a contribution for the poor among the saints in Jerusalem. 27They were pleased to do it, and indeed they owe it to them. For if the Gentiles have shared in the Jews' spiritual blessings, they owe it to the Jews to share with them their material blessings. 28So after I have completed this task and have made sure that they have received this fruit, I will go to Spain and visit you on the way. 29I know that when I come to you, I will come in the full measure of the blessing of Christ.
30I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. 31Pray that I may be rescued from the unbelievers in Judea and that my service in Jerusalem may be acceptable to the saints there, 32so that by God's will I may come to you with joy and together with you be refreshed. 33The God of peace be with you all. Amen.

    “I know that this is a lot to swallow Sophia.  I often wonder if I am going to find out I am waking out from a strange dream, but I believe this is real Sophia.  Will you stand beside me through this process?”

    “You know I will be with you through this.  I am not going to leave you to figure this out alone, but I do not want to put any of us in any more danger.  If you are right and Dad has something to do with this, we can all be in danger.”

    “Sophia I think we already are.”

    “I guess you are right.”

    I handed my sister the hidden diary, the one we just recently found in my sisters old place.  Her landlord had let us check and see if there was anything we wanted before she put the house up for sale.

    I hate what I am being forced to do, my heart tears in two, because I know that I am going to hurt others.  I have no choice in this, like I had no choice when Daddy forced me into prostituation, and then pretended he did not have anything to do with it.  I wonder why he choose me, why he was wanting me to do all this.  I can not believe a Father would pimp out his eleven year old daugher, it is just sickening.

    I feel like I was cheated of a childhood.  At first it was not an everyday thing, it was just a way for Dad to earn some money, to make a bigger name for himself with the Russian Mafia, and Dad is the reason I am doing this, why I am going to have to break my family’s heart, it is either this or be killed.  I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to risk Marishka or Sophia’s lives either.  Dad has already caused Marishka more grief than she know. Dad is the one who hired Justin to shoot her.  I had to be quiet, but in these pages I can open up in ways that I would not be able to otherwise.

    I wonder if the Lord will ever forgive me for the things I have had to do.  I wonder if my sisters will be able to forgive me.  I feel like I am evil, that I am being forced to being a monster.

    I don’t know if anyone will ever get to read these words, but if Marishka or Sophia happen to find them, know that I did not mean to hurt you, and that I am not really dead.  I wish I did not have to put you through all of this, but I am sure by now, you know Dad’s secrets.

    I was reading the proof that my sister was alive.  I knew what she was talking about in her journal, though she did not exactly write the words.  I became apt at reading between the lines though, especially when it came to my sisters.  Now I knew that somehow someway I needed to see Anna, but I did not want to risk anyone’s lives, and I believed that if my Father found out he would litterally kill us.  The Father who lied to us about coming to America to get away from the Mafia, was a Russian Mobster here in the states, it made no sense here.

    “Sophia read this.” I said handing the journal over to my sister.  She read the page I indicated, and her face told me that she was seeing what I saw.  Anna was alive, and she had gone into hiding.  Now Anna was reappearing, and I could not help but wonder what brought her back.  I also feared what happened if our Father found her  I had lost my sister for nearly two decades, had grieved over her death.  I certainly did not want to go through that again.