I wish I could say I was doing well right now, I have not had any setbacks thank you Yeshua, but I am at a standstill so to speak. The doctors really think I may never be able to use the prosthetics to walk with again, because my lower body is paralyzed. I have never felt pain, having pain insentivity disorder, but I have felt other sensations, and my hips now do not feel like they are apart of me, like they are not there, and when you use prosthetic you use your hips, and which part of your leg you have left, after awhile you do so without thinking.
I know I should be grateful to be alive, and I am, but I just don't like the situation I am in now. The doctors were saying a month longer in the hospital the other day, but now they are talking about letting me go home to Mom and Dad, soon, Johnny will come and stay with us too. I am grateful I have my family, but I hate the fact that I was so careless and I fail again, I knew how dangerous that could be, but I guess I just wasn't thinking.
The doctors feel that I could get just as strong at home as I am here. I will of course have to go to therapy several times a week, but I am glad to be going home, but at the same time I am having mixed feeling. I am supposed to be the strong one, I have felt that way, and now I am dependendent on others. My family is going to take care of Johnny and I and that just doesn't seem right.
I know in time I will be able to do more, but right now I am simply hurting trying to figure things out. I know too that being in a chair is not the end of the world, I had just worked so hard to get where I was.
I feel bad too because Johnny missed some of the fourth of July fesitivities to spend time at the hospital. We watched the fireworks on television, but we missed everything else. It was not what I wanted for Johnny and I on our first Indepedence Day as husband and wife, but at least we are still here and have each other.