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Kuntry Kuntry

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Member Since: Dec, 2007

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B is for Bruce
By Kuntry Kuntry
Tuesday, December 25, 2007

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taming of the bees


Me and my buddy Bruce, he was my partner in crime growing up. He was also the brunt of many dumb things over the years. Everybody has had a Bruce in their life at one time or another. For example: This one time,for some reason that I just can't remember, we heated up a 32oz. coke bottle in a fire. We got Bruce to hold the bucket of water so we could cool it off. "HOW THE HELL WAS WE TO KNOW IT WOULD EXPLODE?"....Bruce was bleeding like a stuck pig, he's lucky he didn't lose an eye or something. I guess we do learn from our mistakes.

Well , a few weeks after that happened, me and Bruce was sitting around one day bored outa our minds. We couldn't go anywhere because our funds was running kinda low. "DAMN BRUCE, THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO TO MAKE A FEW DOLLARS?" So, after we walked the neighborhood asking all the old folks if the wanted their grass cut, we decided that since that didn't pan out, we would just move on to plan B. It just so happened that ole Bruce and I had discovered our pot of gold one day while out exploring the woods. We found an old barn, inside this old Barn,besides all the snakes and rats, was a wall of Bees.....You could see the Honey combs so we planed on getting all that honey and selling it."WOULD YA LOOK AT ALL THAT HONEY.""WE GONE BE RICH BRUCE, HOW THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO GET IT WITHOUT GETTING STUNG?"

We put our heads together and came up with a plan,we had heard somewhere that smoke would make bee's not want to sting ya. "OK, MAMA'S GOT SOME TI KI TORCHES OUT IN THE BACK YARD." So we had the smoke, "NOW WHAT TO WEAR FOR PROTECTION?" "HMMMMMMMMM? "I GOT IT, FOOTBALL UNIFORMS." "HOW WE GONE A KEEP UM FROM STINGING OUR FACES?" We ended up duct taping window screen to the front of our helmets.....(momma wasn't real happy when she found one of her window screens missing)."NO MOMMA, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT!"

So, here we go, we walk into that old barn carrying our lit torches. We was all decked out in our football gear, don't ask. We had us a hammer and a 5 gallon bucket. Hammer to knock down the wall, bucket to scoop up the honey. "SEE! WE WAS ALWAYS THINKING AHEAD!" We was holding our torches out in front of us, "SO FAR SO GOOD." Them bees was not studying us at all,they was flying all around us but they weren't stinging us. "DAMN BRUCE! THIS IS REALLY WORKING!" About that time Bruce rared back and knocked the crap outa that wall with the hammer.


When Bruce hit that wall it must have woke up the queen or something, because we was being attacked by a cloud of bees......The football gear was useless at this point because they was stinging us through our clothes. "OUCH.....OUCH.....OUCH!" But it did come in handy when Bruce ran head first into that tree......

Well, Seems that while we was making our mad dash for safety,Bruce dropped his torch. We turned around and all we saw was smoke.....


Now these woods was across the street from my house kinda behind another house,we had had permission from the owner for years to play back there,At least up until now anyway. We made it back to my house ,probably had 10 or 15 bee stings. We was tough rednecks though, so this really didn't bother us none. What was bothering us though, was the flames shooting up in the air from that barn, "WE ARE DEAD MEAT BRUCE, WE GOT TO GET OUR STORIES STRAIT, WE WERE NEVER THERE!" By now somebody must had seen the smoke because Fire Trucks was starting to show up. Ended up burning half the woods up and all of that barn. Lucky for someone them firemen knew what they was doing because that fire almost made it to the neighbors house. "WTF??????? WHY IS THAT FIREMAN COMING OVER TO MY HOUSE?" " HEY BRUCE, RUUUUN!"

Me and Ole Bruce Hid out for the remainder of that day, it was getting late, and we were hungry, so we decided to go home and face the music. All the way home we was going over and over what we would say to the police when they came to get us. We walked into that house shaking, because we just knew Daddy was about to whoop our ass. We both walked in with our heads hanging still dressed in our football uniforms. "HEY BOYS, WHAT Y'ALL BEEN GETTING INTO TODAY?" "UMMMMMM, NOTHING!..WE JUST BEEN PLAYING BALL ALL DAY." " Y'ALL HAVE FUN?" "YES SIR!" " WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR FACE?" "OH!...UMMMMM! I GOT STUNG BY A BEE TODAY!" " Y'ALL SEE THE FIRE TRUCKS, SOMEBODY BURNT UP MR. OVERBYS WOODS TODAY." " REALLY DAD, WISH WE WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE TO SEE THAT!"

About this time Bruce and me was doing the happy dance. Walking around with our chest all puffed out.......

"HEY BOYS,Y'ALL COME BACK IN HERE FOR A SECOND." "SURE DAD,WHAT YA WANT?" We walked back into the room and there stood Bruce's Dad,My Neighbor Mr. Overby, and some Guy from the Fire Dept......

Now folks I can't tell y'all the rest of this story because in this day it would be considered CHILD ABUSE. I don't want my Dad in no trouble, so i'll just say after we left that room we wasn't feeling them bee stings any longer. "WHAT, THE MORAL OF THIS STORY?" " GLAD YA ASKED!"

If ya gonna steal Honey, To make ya some money, Don't drop ya torch, cause the outcomes not funny!


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