It's bad enough I look like a blimp with hair: my name doesn't help matters any.
Name's Lolita. "Lolly" for short. I'm seventeen years old and live with my family in Tacoma, Washington, where I am in my 11th year at Mountain Top Senior High School. I hate school with a purple passion.
A lot of it has to do with the kids. They give me no end of grief. Every day it seems some butthead makes off with some disparaging remarks about my weight. In fact, if somebody doesn't say anything about it, I'd probably think that they were sick!! LOL
I am only 5' 3 1/2" tall, with limp, shoulder-length hair that's a nondescript color, washed-out blue-grey eyes, and a body that makes people turn away (or gag, whichever comes first). Let's face it, folks: I'm F A T!!
Hell, I'm not just fat: I'm about as big as a HOUSE! I weigh easily over 460 pounds; to walk more than a few feet at a time is an arduous task for me: it isn't long before I'm choking or gasping for air.
My style of dress would be better suited for a tent; it is very difficult to find clothes that fit, let alone, look good!
I don't know what bonehead decided to design clothes for fat people, but he (or she) ought to be shot or hung for it!!
Most of the clothes for fat people are hideous, with big, oversized flowers or designs or vomit-inducing hues; in addition, they're all way too overpriced: there's no way on earth that an average person can afford to buy them (fat, or otherwise)!!
Because I'm so fat, people automatically assume that: a.) I'm lazy, with no set ambition; b.) all I think about is food and/or eating; c.) I'm happy all of the time; d.) I stink; or e.) I have no feelings whatsoever.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
The fact of the matter is I do have feelings, very strong, powerful ones. I bathe every day (wash my hair, too!), I have been on diets ever since I can remember, I work with special-needs children after school at the church I attend, and, in addition, half the time I'm so miserable it's all I can do to keep from crying (or killing myself)!
My family tries to be supportive; however, they really don't know what I have to go through at school. I just put on my brightest faky smile and reassure them that everything is "a-okay" with me (horrible liar that I am!).
My pastor is another one who is supportive; however, I feel nothing but condemnation whenever I'm around him (or any of my fellow church friends or acquaintances); I know they know that I'm a pathalogical liar. I'm a Christian (or so I claim to be); however, I'm not acting very Christlike by hiding beneath a web of lies!
If they knew how miserable, how unhappy I really am, they'd be thoroughly shocked!!
I haven't told anyone this until now, but I wear long sleeves all the time, mainly to hide the slash marks/scars on my wrists. Yeah, I've tried to cut myself, anything to get rid of the pain I experience in my everyday life! Ya wanna make something of it??
I'm desperate for peace, to lose this extra weight! My weight has made me a virtual prisoner in life; how I wish I could be skinny or look like one of those waifish beauties I see in magazine ads, newspapers, or on television!!
I hate myself, I hate all of this ugly fat on me, and I wish I were dead!! Anything's gotta be better than what I'm going through right now in my life!!
~To be continued.~