People say I brought all of this on myself, but I'm not so sure.
I mean, why would God go ahead and purposely do all of this to me? I lost my job after working there 20-something years (factory just up and closed, with no warning!), and I am on the verge of losing my home. Foreclosure, "they" say. I think otherwise; they don't want me there because I'm successful (or make that was).
It's like God wants me to be miserable. Well, if that happens to be the case, then the hell with Him. I don't need Him in my life; I can take care of my own damn self; don't need Him interfering!!
My wife says I'm angry. Angry?? You bet your sweet ass I'm angry! Who wouldn't be?? I'm suddenly without any gainful employment, I'm about to end up on the streets, with no place to go, and suddenly the bills are pilin' upon me fast and furious! And I don't see any way out of this.
My wife keeps telling me to "trust in God, trust in Him in all things". Well, that may all be good, but when you're facing possible homelessness or the repo guys calling, threatening to repo my cars or my possessions, then what in hell am I supposed to think?? God doesn't care for me; He'd rather see me suffer!
In addition to all of this, I found out my brother has been cheatin' on his wife and another relative has lost her baby boy to some weird disease I had never even heard of (guess she and her husband had the bad genes in 'em and passed them on to Junior; kid wasn't even a year old). If God is a loving God like He says He is, then He wouldn't let stuff like this happen in my life!
I've had just about enough of life. Then there's this health care bill. Frankly, that scares the livin' hell outta me. I don't think we ought to be forced to purchase insurance; we should be given a choice. And if you can't afford it (like me now, for instance), then how in hell am I supposed to get insurance when I am in such deep shit??
I've also had enough of people preachin' to me. "Trust in God; trust in Him in all things", like they say in the Bible. They keep tellin' me that, over'n'over; well, I am sick of it already! I don't need any "do-gooder" religious nuts crammin' their fodder down my throat: with all that I am facing right now, God is the last thing I need to be hearin' about right now! They can, more or less, stick their Bibles up their ass and go take a hike; they're just wastin' my time!!
My wife keeps tellin' me this as well. I'm getting ready to brain her with a Bible if she don't quit it. She's always been religious; me, not so much: been busy tryin' to make it in this world by my own self; don't need God's help; that "religion" ain't for me. It's just a crutch people use; don't need that in my life. She goes to church every Sunday; me, I'd rather sleep off the alcoholic fog after spendin' Saturday night out with my drinkin' bar buddies. That's more my thing, ya know??
Only thing a Bible is good for is sittin' on the coffee table. If people want to read it, that's fine; that's just not me. I'm fine without God in my life, especially a god who doesn't care a hill a' beans about what's going on in this world. If I were God, I'd just send me a good, king-sized lightnin' bolt and zap this world out of existance: He can do that, ya know, instead of sittin' on His heavenly throne, watchin' the world go to hell and a henbasket!
Well, I gotta go and get wifey up so she can get ready for "CHURCH"; gotta make her some breakfast; then I'm going back to bed. If she thinks she can drag me to church, then she's sadly mistaken, because as I have told her again and again, "I ain't going"!
*end of part one*