Man, if only Carrie knew how I really felt about her ...
I mean, I look at her, and I break out in a sweat. My hands turn all clammy. I get stumbly when I even think of trying to approach her. I get all tangled up when I try to speak to her. She is a princess among toads, a regular babe.
I first saw the girl last year when she moved into my neighborhood from Boston, Massachussetts. Her dad got transferred here to Texas, so this is how she ended up moving here to my neck of the woods. I saw her; it was love at first sight.
Carrie Jones is the latest in a long line of girls whom I have had crushes on. I am afraid she will never choose me to be her guy. I am a geek when it comes to girls, and I'm not the best lookin' dude on the planet. I have wild, curly brown hair that frizzes out at the least bit of humidity, a big nose, bug eyes behind thick, black-rimmed glasses, buck teeth, and pimples on top of pimples: you're talkin' Acne City, man!
In addition, I have these giant clodhoppers disquised as feet. Size 15 on a five foot, two inch body. You're talkin' Sasquatch here, folks! And I am skinny: I weigh maybe 100 pounds soaking wet!
My nerdy pals kid me about my crush on Carrie Jones. Well, I can't help it. I look at her, and my hormones go into hyperdrive. She is an American Idol in training. Carrie sings first soprano in the school choir and sings like an angel. She'd probably win the title if the judges ever got a chance to hear her sing. Her voice is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes (or anybody else's, for that matter).
I am trying to work up the nerve to ask her out on a date: perhaps a movie, maybe a dinner at a fairly nice restaurant, or even dancing. Yet she'd probably turn me down faster than burnt potato salad if she knew I had two left feet and I make Steve Urkel look like a perfect gentleman, full of poise and pizazz. I'm one of the klutziest people in the world!
So how do I even begin to approach Carrie? Do I play it cool, or do I act bold and forthright in my actions? Do I get her flowers or poke her in the ribs, anything to get her to notice me? How do I convince her that I am the perfect guy to go out with her on a date?? How do I go up to her without sweating copious amounts of water from my body, losing my tongue, or falling all over myself? Any help is greatly appreciated! I sure would love to go on a date with Carrie Jones: it would be a geekmeister's dream come true !