I looked in the mirror this morning. My mother was staring back at me.
One problem: my mother lives in Illinois. I live in Texas.
I know I am getting older, but dang ...
I have my mother's soft apple-green eyes, and her pert little nose. I also have her hair: tons of grey shooting through it, making me appear older than my forty two years. (My mother is in her seventies.)
I saw my reflection, and a wall of depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not ready to grow older: I want to stay young as long as possible!
My husband and my kids (the children are ages 10 and 14) tell me to buck up, to get over it. I can't "get over it". I do love my mother, don't get me wrong, but she looks ... old. Steel-grey hair. Wrinkles on top of wrinkles.
Doesn't help that she is tottering around on a four-pronged cane due to a stroke two years ago; other than that, nothing stops her. She gets around better than most people I know!
Does that mean I will need a cane too when I am her age?? Or (heaven forbid!) a walker or (gasp!) a SCOOTER????
Maybe I am being selfish, but I don't want to give up my young years!! I am happy being where I am at the present time, although it saddens me to see my kids growing up before me ... and my husband's tummy growing larger. I remember when my husband was fit and trim: he was a regular Arnold Schwartzenegger: he was a fox. (Still is a fox, just has more padding, not to mention, wrinkles, and grey in his thinning hair.)
I also remember when the children were small. I remember holding their cuddly little bodies in my arms, singing their night terrors (or fevers) away with the songs my own mother sang to me when I was little.
Holding them now would be next to impossible: my son (the fourteen-year-old) is pushing six feet and two inches; he's taller than my husband and myself. And my daughter (the ten-year-old) is into Justin Beiber (whoever he is; never heard of him!) and sharing the latest school gossip with her little girlfriends.
I want my babies back! I want my once fit husband back!! I want my youthful face (and hair) back!! I was robbed!! It's not fair!!
I love my mother, but as I alluded to earlier: I am NOT ready to grow old just yet!!