September 9, 2011 (nearly ten years later after you passed away ...)~
Nearly ten years ago you were taken from me in a brutal fashion. There isn't a day where I don't think about you or what happened that Black Tuesday. You left a grieving husband and two small children behind.
At times I still cry over the fact that you died. You died when the towers fell: they collapsed upon themselves, taking you (and perhaps hundreds more people) away with them.
They never found your body until months later. They identified you by taking dental samples. This was how I found out that you were officially gone. The news was devastating.
Now the anniversary looms in just a few days and once again I am forced to remember, if not on the nightly news, but in the newspapers and other sources. I can no longer deal with the memories, and neither can the children. The memories are just too real, too painful, for us.
Honey, you would be so proud of how much your children have grown. They were only two and four when you passed away. They are now beautiful, headstrong teenagers who are tackling middle school life with all the vim and vigor that only the young seem to have. Miah is in eighth grade. As for Mycah, he is in fifth, his first year of middle school (or his last year in elementary school; take your pick). He acts just like a teenager: sullen, unpredictable, and into girls in a big way. LOL
Miah is into cheerleading. Mycah plays football on the middle school team, where he acts as noseguard. He does his job extremely well. He is big for his age, but he is very fast and accurate; he knows his game inside and out. Last week was their first game: Mycah's tem won, 50-0. They won handily. I was so proud of Mycah all I could do was cry, right in front of God and everybody!
We no longer live in New York City. We moved to Kingsport, Tennessee. We moved away from The City right after they found your body; we are much happier here. I haven't been back to New York City since the attacks or after they located your body. It just doesn't look the same without the Twin Towers gracing the skyline. It looks ... barren. Empty.
I no longer fly as a result of September 11, 2001. I am terrified of people finding bombs or other explosives. While security measures have gotten much more stringent, I just don't trust our government, especially our current "leader", Barack Hussein Obama. Even his name scares the hell out of me. He seems to have his priorities all wrong; I think he is bent on destroying our nation, and so many people have fallen for his lies and are being severely deceived.
I wonder what he will do to remember the attacks. I doubt that he even will do anything to remember. And we are under threat yet again. I wonder if something were to happen (God forbid!), if he will stand and cheer. I wouldn't put it past him ....
I'm sorry, but I just don't like that man. To me he is evil.
Politics aside, however, I wish I could go to New York City to visit your grave. I tried to the past few years, but each time I tried, I had a full-blown panic attack; the last one was so bad I ended up being admitted to the hospital, to the psychiatric unit, for a few days. I am now taking medication to help the anxiety, but sometimes it just doesn't work, especially now with the Anniversary coming up in only days from now.
My last attack was earlier today. I had a small panic attack in the store, but I managed to calm down before mom drove me home. (Saw a woman in a hajib, and I tried to freak out. Thank God my mom was with me; I would have wrecked the van otherwise had I been the one driving!)
I get leery whenever I see anyone who is dark skinned and/or Arabic looking, or especially people (women) dressed in hajibs or burkas. And if I hear Arabic being spoken, I get really nervous as well. You just might never know: they could be planning an attack. Maybe they aren't, but I just don't trust most Muslim (or Arabic) people. Even people from India or that part of the world make me nervous.
Well, Glynnis, tears are threatening to spill once again, so I'd best stop writing. Everything is turning blurry; it is hard to write. I will let you go. Just know this: I will always love you, forever and ever, and you will always remain in my heart. I also have you in our children: Miah looks just like you. She acts just like you as well. She is stunning and a great kid! You would really be proud of her as well!
I love you to infinity!
~As ever, your Joe.
Oh, God, Glynnis! How I miss you!!!! :(