January 9, 2012~
Dearest Moriah Grace~
Today is a very sad day for me. Today is the day you left to gain your angel wings. I miss you more now today than ever; how I wish you were still with us!
Moriah, God had His reasonings to take you to Heaven the way He did, but it doesn't make it any easier for us here on Earth. He had His reasonings to give you the gift of suffering and pain. While we may never understand, He does, and you taught us so much in your brief life. Through you, we learned about compassion, faith, acceptance, and most of all, joy and grace in the midst of sorrow/fear. If it were not for you, we would have never found God; for that, I (and your daddy) are eternally grateful.
So for that we can say one thing: thank you.
Moriah, we will never forget your smile or those gorgeous sea-green eyes fringed with killer-long lashes. You had your way of batting your eyes to get people's attention and it always worked iwthout fail. You had the sweetest spirit about you. And that smile ... it could light up even the darkest of nights! Your hair was an incredible shade of russet and the way it tumbled to your waist in a mass of ringlets and curls: people were always remarking about it! (You got your hair from my mother; I certainly didn't get it!)
You loved your Beanie Babies. We still have your collection; we are not giving them away or even thinking about it. They were one of your favorite things in the world and they hold such a powerful connection to you. To get rid of them would be like discarding YOU away and Moriah, I don't think we could ever live with the guilt if we gave your Beanie Babies away!
Yuo loved the sunshine and the wind tickling your face. How you would laugh! You loved music (ALL kinds!) and you loved life itself, even if it didn't love you back. You were always smiling or laughing; you were one of the happiest children around!! You never let your disabilities define you; you always rose above them and it made us proud to be your parents!
You accomplished so much in your short life and because of it, people will neer forget you. You made quite an impression on them; you brought out the best in people. I know you certainly enriched our lives and the day you died was the worst day ever. We couldn't believe it, but we knew it was coming; we just didn't think it would be so ... so ... SOON! What made it even more difficult to bear was that you died on what was supposed to have been your fourteenth birthday. One year ago today.
Today we will bake a cake in your honor and sing Happy Birthday to mark your special day. It isn't the same without you, Moriah, but as I said earlier, God had His purposes and He decided it was time for you to join Him. I don't blame Him, but why does it have to hurt so much????
We will go to your grave and sing your favorite songs, act silly and have fun. People might look at us strangely, but it is our only way of coping with this day and it is the only thing we can think of to keep from falling apart. I hope you don't mind our celebrating in the cemetary, but damn it, Moriah, you still live on in our hearts and minds! You are still our daughter and you will always BE.
Well, Moriah, I am crying again, so I will let you go. Jim and I will see you later; just don't do anything we wouldn't do! Say hello to God, Jesus, and all of the angels for us, but please say hello to my father and my brother, Quinn! I miss them too, but you were my baby! I think I miss you most of all!
Oh, and before I forget: Happy birthday, my precious, beautiful 15-year-old!! I love you more than ever!! I know you will have the best birthday ever; after all, you ARE celebrating it with Jesus by your side!!
~With much love, your Mommy. :(