Sat., Feb. 18, 2012, Prescott, Arizona~
Shalom! This is your friend, Sarah Anne Rosenberg, writing. I know it has been an extremely long time since I last put my thoughts in my journal, but the children keep me busy, especially our youngest, Hezekial Michael, who is now a big, strapping 11 1/2 year-old. I last wrote about him when he was only three years old!
Thought an update was in order, so here goes ...
I am still married to Abraham (Abe), my loving husband of 12 years. He continues to work for a law firm and enjoys being able to get out of the house. Me, I'm not so fortunate, not with the demands of Hezekiah, who has severe special needs (more on this in a bit). Also, the girls need my attention. Between caring for Hezzy and shunting Hanna and Hermione to their sports/cheerleading functions and doing housework each and every day, I just don't have very much in the way of free time.
Hezekial was left severely brain damaged when he nearly drowned when just a toddler (age two). He cannot walk or talk; he is in a wheelchair and must be dressed and undlressed, diapered, and fed by a tube in his belly because he cannot chew or swallow. He can see and hear, but not much else. He may be 11 years old as I write this, but mentally, he's more like a six-to-nine-month old baby. Any skills he had acquired when still a small child have been lost forever.
Angry? You bet. I am DAMNED angry! It was an accident that didn't have to happen. I should have been paying more attention. At the time Hezy wandered off, I was on the phone. Didn't realize he was missing until I called his name after getting off the phone, but he didn't answer. Looked all over the house. No sign of him. Looked outside. Nowhere to be found. Called his name, over and over again. Absoutely no response. None.
Then I saw his lifeless body floating in the pool. It was the worst possible event as a parent I could have ever faced. No telling how long he had been there. In my fright, I managed to call paramedics, who came and tried to revive him. They couldn't get him back until they were in the ambulance, en route to the nearest hospital.
It was while Hezekial was in a coma in the PICU when we got the terrible news from the neurologist that Hezekiah had suffered irreversable brain damage. If he ever opened his eyes, it would be likely that he would never walk or talk (and he hasn't). He would need total care (and he has).
I blame myself for how he is. I wish I could have paid more attention to my toddler son, but a good friend who wanted to talk called and I couldn't get her off the phone. I told her I was home alone with the kids, but she didn't want to hear it. All she wanted to do was talk about her latest boyfriend and their escapades.
That friend and I have since parted ways. I don't want anything to do with her any longer. I still blame her as well; if she hadn't called, Hezekial would be running around, laughing, throwing baseballs or footballs with his friends, or playing on the computer, just like any other preteen boy his age.
I have been trying to get people to come help with his care, but they are either too busy with their own lives or don't want to even bother: seeing Hezzy this way only depresses them. Maybe that's all in good, but what about ME?? MY feelings?? MY wants/desires?? Don't you think I would love to have a break too, especially when Hezzy ends up sick and/or in the hospital??
Well, it's about time for me to "feed" Hezzy his evening meal (via bag and nutrition suppliment, which I hang from the back of his wheelchair; there's an IV pole attached, and gravity does the rest), so I will go. I also have to change him; he's smelling pretty ripe. I will try to write in here again soon; sorry it's been so long. Now you know why I haven't written. Life for me has been a total nightmare!
~Sarah Anne. :(