Become a Fan
another day in the life
By John Reilly
Thursday, August 29, 2002
“It smells like cat shit in here”
“that it does my friend, that it does”
I hand him a cold beer
quiet introspection follows
slow in and out breathing nostrils open
“this is deep”
“this, us. What we are doing”
“sniffing cat shit and drinking beers?”
“yea but it is more than toxic cat assholes
and beer head man. Pass me a smoke”
I hand him a menthol king, he lights up
“what you think about Chris Rock?”
“eddie Murphy ?”
“washed up as well. I don’t know if any
of todays comics can keep their bite when their filling
their mouths with all the excess trash that comes along with
being funny and being told you’re funny”
“You see that was deep”
“what you just said man that was profound”
God I could cry, my friend sweet-hearted bastard
cant seem to understand that what we talk about is never
profound or important. That is the way I like it, that is the
way I want it. Politics, religion, big tobacco all these things
I have no desire to discuss. They are so immoral and corrupt
The only thing talking about it achieves is making 1 feel small
and powerless. Since I am his only friend
And the only guy in Suffolk County that will talk to him,
We generally stick to the light shit, the shit Intellectuals
Or wanna be intellectuals don’t have the time to hash out.
I prefer it that way, let the beard stroking wire-rimmed cock teasers
Have the nuclear weapon debate and everything else that goes with it.
“that was far from profound friend, you’re turn”
“whatta ya want?” he gets up and heads to the fridge
“You got Heineken, corona, and some
weird shit called HE-BREW”
“Ill take a corona, limes on the butcher block”
He fumbling with the silverware drawer
“Hey, its push in and up and then pull out remember?”
“Oh right, when you gonna fix this fuking thing?”
“I dunno, tomorrow”
I have been saying that since I moved into
This palace. A curtain separates the shitter and shower from
The rest of the joint. I think the previous tenant kept snakes.
At least I hope they did, otherwise im in trouble.
“You ever go down to the courthouse and get
your shit squared away?”
You see I have been going to court for the
Past year over a bullshit DWI and resisting.
real lowbrow shit, but the d.a. is making a big production
Out of it because of a previous resisting (which happened to be
Bullshit as well)
“It aint squared yet but it is getting there, they say
no jail time..”
“yea but they are talking about probation,
and we both know im far too lazy for that.”
The conversation ranges between the 2 rooms,
You know voices raised neighbor pissed off and banging
On the wall. he heads back in a hands me a sweating beer.
“don’t fuk around man do what they say and it will
be over before you know it”
“You know if I do get probation ill have a probation officer
stopping by unannounced from time to time right?”
“so what does that mean?”
“that means that I cant be sitting here sluggin beers
with you every morning. It means we are going to have to
drink at your house, I might have to stay with you if we get to
smashed. Just a few hours here and there to
avoid violating my shit”
“Cmon man you know my mother works nights”
“oh yeah, well fuk it either way”
I almost wouldn’t mind a month or 2 in jail. Have
Someone wake me everyday. 3 meals and 1 hour of exercise
It doesn’t sound so bad. I know a cpl guys that went away
For short stretches, only difference between me and them is that they Were and still are rough mothers while I am merely a reformed Pot head and perennial scaredy cat. I’d probably wind up wearing Lip stick and have my hair in curlers within the 1st cpl hours.
“hey you ever heard back from that job?”
I applied for a job 2months ago, it required a
degree in some shit.
I haven’t heard back and don’t expect to.
“yea they said that I have all the tools. I start Monday 8 am”
“hey congratulations man, lets go celebrate”
“what do you have in mind?”
“the usual you know beers maybe a lap dance or 2”
“strip clubs don’t open till 11, we got 3 hours”
“fuk it, lets grab a case and drive down to glen cove.
Sit over at pribals for a few hours kill some time”
This is a bad idea plain and simple, it is also how I got
Popped for the dwi which led to the resisting arrest.
“Alright man grab whats left in the fridge, ill take a piss
and meet you in the car”
Maybe this time things will be different, maybe we will
Stick to the trivial and not get all worked up about something
We have no control over…maybe but not fuking likely.
Almost a year ago to the day we had a very similar conversation
Regarding musicians instead of comics, let our good sense and judgment Take the backseat. We made the decision to get a case and sit our asses down At pribals till the pussy parlor opened her legs for us.
Looking in the mirror now I feel a bit more than hesitant about making The trip. My judgment and good sense say sit your ass down fuk pribals and all
the nasty sluts who work the parlor on a Wednesday afternoon.
The need to get drunk anyplace other then here wins and I grab my keys.
“hey man the bastards got your stereo, smells like they took a dump in it as well.”
“the roof of the caddy is cut open and your stereo is gone,
smells like they…”
“MOTHER FUKER I JUST HAD HER
“I know its fuked up, they sliced the soft top right
down the middle. I hope they only got the stereo.”
“THAT WAS THE ONLY THING IN THE FUKING CAR.
WHY THE FUK WOULD THEY WANT
THE STEREO ITS A PIECE OF SHIT”
“I wasn’t gonna say anything but I traded some shit with
those Salvadorian kids a cpl days ago. A little my product
for a little of theirs, I was driving Pauline at the time,
maybe they thought the car was mine, I dunno”
“I KNOW YOU DIDN’T TRADE THEM THAT TRASH
YOU BEEN SELLING TO THE SUITS ON THE 745
TO THE PENN RIGHT?”
“MUTHA FUKER DON’T U KNOW THEY ARE MS-13
DON’T U KNOW THAT THEY WILL KILL YOU AND ME!
GOD DAMN MAN IM GONNA HAVE TO MOVE!”
“Good it is time you went back home anyway, we both know
you don’t belong sitting in this shithole all day and night”
“THAT IS MY BUSINESS ASSHOLE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU’VE DONE DO YOU?”
“Look calm down alright please”
“OK Listen to me, help me pack up the shit I have here
and get it to the car…”
“Oh man the car? We should really have it cleaned 1st”
“SHUT THE FUK UP AND HELP ME PACK THIS SHIT!”
We pack up the small amount of possessions I own and less then
A half hour later I was headed back to my house and my wife and my mother
and my miserable existence in Oyster fuking Bay NY.
I knew I couldn’t outrun it forever, I just thought I had more time.
Cruising down 106 with my shredded roof flapping in the breeze.
Im sure is cause for comedy, I can just picture what Mr Murphy or
Mr Rock would say, washed up bastards.
“Johnny? Johnny is that you, I can barely hear you?”
“yea ma its me im on the cell phone”
“OH MY GOD JOHN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN,
JESUS CHRIST WE WERE SO WORRIED. SUE, SUE
ITS HIM HE’S ON THE PHONE!”
“well well I cant believe it, what do u need bail money?
OK Lou ok Ill ask, your mother wants to know when
You are coming home, to be honest I don’t really give a shit
I mean after 3 months with no call not knowing if u are alive or dead
I figure fuk you John Fuk you”
“Cmon babe its only been 2 months, I needed a quiet place
to get some shit down. A place with out all the noise and nonsense
OK im sorry”
“tell me you got something accomplished John, tell me
you have a cpl hundred pages for me to read”
“babe I do, well I did”
“GOD DAMMIT YOU DISSAPEAR FOR 2 MONTHS
AND YOU DON’T HAVE A PAGE DO YOU? DO YOU!”
“easy honey I lost almost everything in the fire, ill explain everything
when I get home”
“yea and when will that be 2 weeks another 2 months?”
“baby im 2 days out, I got you something”
“really? Is it nice?”
“Oh I think u will like it, it is something u have wanted for awhile”
“God John is it what I think it is? Tell me it is what I think it is”
“Uh uhh im not gonna spoil it you can see him er I mean it when
I get home”
“IT IS, it is oh baby I love you come home already, we cleaned out the attic while you were gone. Its not fancy but you can work up there.”
“really the attic huh…great, Look I gotta go ill be home in a cpl days
I love you babe”
“I love you”
After a quick u-turn Im on my way to Connecticut.
see a guy I know about Springer Spaniels.
Want to review or comment on this
Click here to login!
Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!
|Reviewed by Josephine Bohen
|rock on mr reilly...
|Reviewed by Mitzi Jackson
|alright this is tight!!!!
sounds real (real dialogue) and worth the wait.......
|Reviewed by Scada
|Damn baby, I miss you too. I miss your unique way of looking at things. Your style is like a blast of fresh air. I enjoyed this the first time I read it, and I still do.
|Reviewed by Kristina Rosso
|I didn't think it could get worse than that mess I've caused myself, but I guess it has.
|Reviewed by Dens Dreamweaver
|LOL and I thought I was having a bad day!|