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Mitzi Kay Jackson

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Gorgeous Monster (1st part)
By Mitzi Kay Jackson
Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Rated "R" by the Author.

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I posted a prelude now the story begins........
Dem muthfuckers! Damn them all! tears begin to flow hot again like fire, the heat in his chest, his hands wanted to kill, his hands wanted to squeeze the life out of something, somebody. His steps quickens down the hospital hallway nothing in his path was safe. If he could go back just moments earlier, if he was quick wit, he would of taken his 9 out of his waistband and blew his own brains out at the same time she left him. They could of went together. Before he could breath again he found himself in the hospital chapel standing in front of a huge cross. He let out a yell that starled the older white couple that was their, they didn't move. He ripped off his black tee with Scarface and rhinestones right off himself and felled to his knees. In his mind he cursed God for his life and the people God put around him. He cursed God for taking away all the good people God has put in his life and taken back. Tears flowing like fire down his cheeks hitting his body black like sable.......








It wouldn’t of been so bad if these muthafuckas would have been discreet about things, Rohn thought to himself standing in the basement at the washtub. Hands big as any man, he knew he was different from his brothers and sisters just by sight, he wasn’t as slow and dumb as they thought. He watched the dark red turning into water down cool-aid at the bottom. He hated the smell of blood ever since he could remember, helping Nate his older brother pull there step-father down from a pole in the garage, he hated it. All his life had been violent, standing there fourteen in his eighteen year-old body, standing 5’9’, 170 chocolate dark and not a place without weight on it, all he knew was violence. Taking his soaked shirt off from blood and sweat he thought of his step-father’s face all twisted reforming itself saying to him, “look man I love yo moms you dig, I ain’t never wanted to hurt her, I know as a kid man you done saw some shit, and for that man I was wrong, but I took care of all yall, like a man should when I walked into the picture” as Kirby talked you couldn’t help but follow his mouth. He had full lips too light really for his brown skin, and when he was talking to the ladies he licked them often. Kirby wasn’t a bad dude he just couldn’t teach, couldn’t give what he never gotten himself. “I ain’t perfect youngblood (that is what Rohn named became the bigger and bigger he got) but I done told yo moma, she gots to give a man like me his respect cause man she knows I deserve it.” He remembers it like the shit happened yesterday twelve years old his brother fifteen holding the nigga up while his brother tighten the rope around Kirby’s neck. He stood back watching the horror in Kirby’s face as he awoken from his drunken stupor not being able to breath, knowing that the harder he fought the quicker death was coming to him.

It wasn’t that he hated the nigga, but he couldn’t stand by and watch the dude put his hands on his moma. He had liked Kirby he had learned a lot of shit from him, and he was the only one to seem to know or understand what he was going through knowing that he didn’t have the same dad as the rest of his brother and sisters. Knowing that his mom hated his dad and had strong resentment for him. Fuck it she hated him too. It was crazy cause it was Kirby that taught him that family comes first, niggas on the street don’t respect another nigga that don’t know that, fuck a father, moma the queen you gots to protect that, then saying under his breath know matter how fucked up she maybe. Youngblood helped clean the blood from his mothers face, lip and nose. He was eight, nine and ten bandageing his mothers arm from her punching out glass windows trying to get to or away from Kirby, or some woman he had been messing around wit. His moms was gorgeous and he knew he got his looks from her but she was wild as Friday and Saturday night. She was hood, ghetto she had a big family she was always in somebody’s business and had hers all out in the streets too. She was small and loud. And she had to have the big time and at the time the big time was Kirby, with all his big time shit. Rohn didn’t know where he got the quiet nature in his mind from, rumor has it that his father was an old cat big time gangster, number runner, pimp, that fucked his moms but wanted to keep it on the low, check it a pimp fucking wit a square bitch? She wasn’t no hoe and had know plans on being one and he had know plans on giving the game up. When it came time for him to go he went and Rohns mother was the biggest dirt news story.

She lied to him and everyone about him, about who his father was and is and will take the truth to her death possibly. She gets angry any and every time someone brings it up. Kirby was alright but by his own laws he had to go!! Even though Rohn got his ass whipped, he wasn’t worried about his moma getting her ass whipped no mo. He could see the anger in her faced as she hit him over and over again. With her screaming that Kirby killing himself was all Rohns fault. His brother Nate had to pull her off of him. Rohn let real tears fall only because he knew that she meant all of what she said and felt, not because it was true that he kilt the nigga. More than anyone Rohn knew he loved his mother, it broke his heart that she didn’t love him. He saw it in her eyes when she talked to him, how she talked to him, his mom hatred was the only thing that could get to him. That was the night he left home, taking nuthin’ wit him, just leaving. He stayed at Lynn’s his aunts house, his mothers’ sister but things wasn’t that good there neither, her and her sister was so close they were danm near the same.
A couple days after his thirteenth birthday he moved in with A school friend Reed and his moma. Rohn fit in there as best he could, he boned Reed’s mom as often as he could, trying to keep his boy from knowing. But Reed wasn’t too far under him, he was a cool dude and they were tight like real brothers, they ran together because Reed didn’t know who his father was either. He also knew what violence was and could do to a nigga, his moms ex used to beat him all the time till he got stronger and then he disappeared suddenly. So the two of them had a lot in common.

Where Rohns was tall Reed was short but cocky they could have been trouble for the school they was in, but instead of being bullies, the much rather hung out wit the ladies and the ladies like cool, smart niggas, not troubled dudes. Reed had the book smarts and Rohn reeled in the ladies, and that’s how they did things. That’s how they met Diamond. The top hood nigga, there wasn’t shit going on wit out Diamond’s fingers in it. He came up ruling, he took to Rohn and Reed real good, at first he made sports of em’, treated them like gladiators, pet pit bulls, then he gave em jobs, shaking people down had them checking traps and shit.
Rohn took the rest of his clothes off he hated reminiscing it always got him to thinking bout her. He started getting that feeling in his dick again, damn he grab his shit and her face popped in his mind. Rohn have just half kilt a nigga and he still can’t get her little pretty ass out of his mind. His fourteen year old hands, his fourteen year old mind couldn’t help connecting her wit his moms, with the shit that nigga Kirby use to spit to him about woman, his older brother Nate (getting shot over a muthafuckin’ chicken), and dem dumb chicks Diamond got floatin around, somehow she keep creeping in his mind. She reminds him of his pet bird that’s going to be ready to be let go of soon. He bent down and picked his clothes up and put them in a bag. Rohn sat them down by the stairs, then he grab a towel off the line and walked around the pole and went over to the basement bathroom and got into the shower. Out of all the bitches he got young and old why her? Why she keep popping in his heads. He let the water run all over his body.

The more the water hit his body steaming the more he closed his eyes, the more he closed his eyes the more he thought about her and before he could stop himself he had skitted all over the shower walls. Out of breath and very very clean he got out the shower wrapped a towel around his waist and sat down on the black leather couch that was down there facing a black wall unit that had a t. v. play station 2, vhs/dvd combo, with a bunch of music cd and movies. He and Reed stayed there it was one of Diamond’s houses. Diamond let them stay there long as they fixed it up and stayed quiet in that hood, no selling drugs fucking up wit the neighbors and as long as Rohns did his dirty work it was all good. Reed just did part-time shit he stayed in school and nobody really question shit cause Rohns for all anyone knew was Reed’s big cousin, old enough to not be in school have a job and helping his cousin wit a spot to be. Rohn went to school here and there but for the most part he had a gig wit Diamond that was keeping money in his pocket and he felt too old to be in school, he felt like a man, he was damn near taking care of three households, his and Reeds, his moma’s and Reed’s moma who he still saw on the side.
“Damn baby, what kind of name is girly?” He is looking at the top right side of her forehead. She stood five feet with golden brown skin, and she had the prettiest eyebrows he had ever seen. He tried to think of a time when he had ever noticed anyone's eyebrows in the first place. Then when she looked up at him to speak he had to catch his breath. “I know you ain’t talking Rome? Oh what’s the matter Rome didn’t you know us woman can talk?” and before he could get himself together she was walking out of the room and damn if he didn’t get a looked at that round ass of hers.

When he looked at Diamond and his brother Shawn they both were laughing, so he felt safe that they didn’t see the longing. “Damn man where you find these hoes from ?” Diamond’s laugh cut short, not that one man she ain’t no hoe, don’t disrespect”. “Hold on brother you got to remember this here is a young cat, he don’t know the difference yet” Shawn said still laughing a little with a blunt hanging out of his mouth. Rohn looked in the direction Girly had walked off in and caught a glimpse of her doing whatever she was doing while the three of them talked, played pool, smoked and drank and when he left high as he was he made sure he spoke to her when he was leaving even kissing her hand as he saw others do.
Damn he felt something when he touched her hand when he pressed his lips against her hands. He had hoped to learn the difference between her and the other girls, women, and hoes that Diamond had. Again he was dozing off thinking about Girly.
After Rohn woke-up he went over to his bird cage and made sure his no flying baby bird was still alive and taking in what the man at the pet shop had giving him, Tweedy was doing good getting stronger everyday. He walked upstairs and put his clothes on knowing where he was on his way to, but not really planning to, he found himself on Girly’s doorstep. Why did he find himself so fastenated with her? Was it because he really wanted to see the difference between her and the other women? Was it that he found her to be stunningly beautiful? Was it her smile and the warmth he feels around her? Or was it because he thought that she was what his mother should have been if she wasn’t who she was…….?
“What up moma?” Again with the kissing of her hand and inviting himself in. “Diamond here?” he said turning around to look at her as she closed the door he wanted to catch a bad angle something ugly he can focus on. “Boy you know he ain’t here, did you see his car?” “Boy, boy?” “Oh I’m sorry, youngblood” “Man you smart” “Thank you sweetie I know” “Where your son at?” Not waiting on an answer before he started heading toward the room that he was playing pool in early that week. “Um… he’s not in there he is in his room playing that video game” “Oh ok you mind, as Rohn started toward Chris room, “No but don’t be talking no crazy talk with or around him” Rohns smiled not because of what she had said but because he knew he was at home.
“What up boy”, “what up Youngblood want to play?” Yeah man how was school? “cool man it was alright”. It wasn’t long before Rohns started spending more and more time wit Chris had him coming to his crib so Reed could help him with his homework trying to help keep him on the right path, he knew Chris dad wasn’t around, and Diamond had his hands full he couldn’t do the things he was willing and able to do, and he thought of his younger brother caught-up now trying to be the man, who wouldn’t listen to him cause they moma had turned all his brothers and sisters against him. He was old enough to remember his grandmother and the things she had taught him about the bible and people and the world. No matter the things he do and did, he prayed and he believed in God but that was his life, this was real life and he had to get his, the way his body was meant to do it. With his hands and his strength. And if his grandmother was right God knew his heart and forgave niggas anyway.

He knew that Girly and Diamond got in to it about him, spending so much time under her. But she defended herself rather than tell him to go. Truth be told she felt safe with Rohn there. She loved the ideal of Chris having a bigger person, a man to kinda look after him specially youngblood she wouldn’t have to worry about his safety, him getting into trouble and that was another reason Diamond didn’t complain too much he knew he had his hands full, but nothing was impossible for him. It still work in his favor he got to spend more time alone with Girly when Chris was with youngblood anyway. And then it happen what he knew was coming….the drug game was getting hot and heavy and Diamond started getting more and more new cats wanting a piece of the pie. One night in front of Girly, Youngblood had to stomp the shit out of a cat who tried to step up. The disgust in her face, in her eyes. She had grabbed Diamonds gun shaking her head not with me here take me home she screamed, Rohn had never seen her eyes so big and clear like a child’s, and when she heard the cracking of the dudes skull his fore head under Youngblood’s feet she past out. And he had her scent on him as he carried her to the car and not the blood this time. He hated the smell of blood. “Thanks youngblood, clean this mess-up let me get her home, in a minute.” He had been stomping dudes twice his age so when in times like that one when he up against a dude his own age he tend to appear to be harsh when it wasn’t that it’s just that their young body can’t take the blows and kicks and stomps like an older dude, if he make it alive he’s going to have issuses real ones.

He couldn’t be careless he had to do like he had been doing taking care of things but scare her steadily popped up in his mind, he wanted to be there to let her know he was the same guy, he was just protecting his family. That he hoped she would never have to see that again. He wanted to be there but each time he tried to make his way he turned around. He was to ashamed and embarresed. He talked to Chris over the phone and saw Chris when he snook over to see him. Rohn didn’t know what emotion he felt more ashamed or angry she knew what it was that they did, she knew the company she was keeping. The more he thought about her the more angry and ashamed he became, and fucking his girls, getting drunk and running wild wasn’t easing his head none. Diamond tried to talk to him several times about women and hoes, but Rohn found himself in a place he didn’t want to be in, love and the wilding out landed him in the only other place he could be, being an angry black man, in jail. Shit he knew that it was only a matter of time any how. Two—to—six he did four. Reed kept money on his account, he knew Diamond was too busy, that man won’t and don’t slow down for anyone. He wrote four times, sent him a package four times and he knew that was doing good for a person like diamond. Nineteen year-old Youngblood came out of the pen, looking all of adulthood. And the only door he wanted to be on was Girly’s and that is where he found himself, where he had wanted to be all along. A kiss on the hand really did work for him, but she pressed her warm body against his with the sweetest intent not knowing he had just walk out of the doors of prison, thinking maybe he
had been home a couple of days, weeks even, and never had feeling her body against his, only in dreams he squeezed her lightly and picked her up off the ground.




hay this ain't Harlequin, things don't stay sweet too long here. The question is do we have happy ending in the ghetto?....Uhm...writing all that time about change and wanting to be a better men and how he hope this letter finds you...street born from him, got his name all over it now. He a legend in they mind. "Die for the cause,Ride Ride for the cause" remember? "I do what I do, I'm a killa"



I will be posting the ending soon. hoped you enjoyed thus far 


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Reviewed by Muhammad Al Mahdi 7/31/2007
Your prose is as vivid as your poetry. It makes one hold one's breath and read right through. The world and emotions expressed in it are stark real and easy to relate to
Reviewed by Aberjhani 1/28/2007
GORGEOUS MONSTER (1st part) zooms in and out of focus on compelling experiences of emotional sensitivity, spiritual complexity, and sexual dynamism. This is uncompromising art carved from the concreate of the modern urban jungle and the creative vision of a gifted literary talent.

Aberjhani
Reviewed by Larry Lounsbury 1/23/2007
You are a very good writer. The story has such raw power and realism.
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 1/17/2007
wow, intense and raw--very well done-i look forward to the ending



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