Grandpa, I thought it was too late
to tell you how I feel,
to tell you how I still cry and remember
so many things that connected our lives
Grandpa, I was caught up as a child in things
that were not mine to cope with,
but in the despair of divided loyalties
we are thrown into chaos, confusion, and deep hurt.
We punish ourselves harshly,
when we need to Love ourselves the most.
Grandpa, you were the adult, I the child,
perhaps I expected you to deal with this
without hurting me,
but now, a little older, a little wiser,
I realise that whatever stage of life we are in,
we can become lost, burdened by pain and disbelief
in the hand Life has dealt us.
Grandpa, you withdrew, but perhaps you thought
we'd withdrawn also;
maybe we all withdrew,
recoiling from the suffering deep within.
In those times of crisis
we cling fearfully to those we are certain
will love us through our Pain.
now you've gone,
I feel robbed of the chance to understand fully..
But perhaps as I write this,
I am starting at last to understand.
Like you have always had a place in my Heart,
...though for the last few years the door was
mostly closed for fear of further pain..
perhaps you also still held me there, safe in yours,
with Love, affection and some happy memories..
like a locket with the picture inside rarely seen,
but worn close to the heart.
Grandpa, can we now reach out, -
for death is no barrier to Love and understanding..
and offer balm to soothe our open wounds,
and Heal our tender souls?
Grandpa, I wish things could have been different
in so many ways,
but I Hope that I have learnt without bitterness,
some lessons that have made me stronger.
I still fall down,
but I pick myself up,
remember who I am and who cares for me,
and try to acknowledge that problems can make us behave
in strange, unpredictable ways.
If I feel abandoned,
I know this was not of any intentional doing,
That we each deal with pain in any way we are able,
and by the time we have realised fully what has happened,
we are too afraid to turn back..
too afraid of the consequences of our careless actions,
but sometimes there are casualties,
who suffer deep, agonising pain.
Grandpa, you are now at Peace,
I hope I can now be at Peace within myself too,
and finally release any painful feelings of mistrust,
anger and regret.
This will release you, but it will also release me,
and I am young and still have my Life to live.
I know that in your Heart you would want this for me.
Because you couldn't say this, or perhaps even know it,
I am saying it for both of us.
Grandpa, I believe we can still help each other,
for thoughts can never die.
My arms are open wide,
I know at last that yours are too.
I wish you Peace Grandpa,
and Love Grandpa,
And perhaps in Death we have finally opened
each others Hearts
once again, Forever.
And when I sleep tonight,
I can smile
and know it is finally said,
and my Life can move on,
and your spirit can move on
each secure in the knowledge
that Love has lit the way.
Goodnight, God Bless..