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Diana Wiles

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By Diana Wiles
Monday, March 10, 2008

Rated "G" by the Author.

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A communication from a Teen to her Grandpa who has just died. There have been difficult family circumstances, and their is sadness and confusion, but eventually some clarity of thought, understanding and Healing occurs in the writing..

Grandpa, I thought it was too late
to tell you how I feel,
to tell you how I still cry and remember
so many things that connected our lives

Grandpa,  I was caught up as a child in things
that were not mine to cope with,
but in the despair of divided loyalties
we are thrown into chaos, confusion, and deep hurt.
We punish ourselves harshly,
when we need to Love ourselves the most.

Grandpa, you were the adult, I the child,
perhaps I expected you to deal with this
without hurting me,
but now, a little older, a little wiser,
I realise that whatever stage of life we are in,
we can become lost, burdened by pain and disbelief
in the hand Life has dealt us.

Grandpa,  you withdrew, but perhaps you thought
we'd withdrawn also;
maybe we all withdrew,
recoiling from the suffering deep within.
In those times of crisis
we cling fearfully to those we are certain
will love us through our Pain.

now you've gone,
I feel robbed of the chance to understand fully..
But perhaps as I write this,
I am starting at last to understand.

Like you have always had a place in my Heart,
...though for the last few years the door was
mostly closed for fear of further pain..
perhaps you also still held me there, safe in yours,
with Love, affection and some happy memories..
like a locket with the picture inside rarely seen,
but worn close to the heart.

Grandpa, can we now reach out, -
for death is no barrier to Love and understanding..
and offer balm to soothe our open wounds,
and Heal our tender souls?

Grandpa, I wish things could have been different
in so many ways,
but I Hope that I have learnt without bitterness,
some lessons that have made me stronger.

Yes Grandpa,
I still fall down,
but I pick myself up,
remember who I am and who cares for me,
and try to acknowledge that problems can make us behave
in strange, unpredictable ways.

If I feel abandoned,
I know this was not of any intentional doing,
That we each deal with pain in any way we are able,
and by the time we have realised fully what has happened,
we are too afraid to turn back..
too afraid of the consequences of our careless actions,
but sometimes there are casualties,
who suffer deep, agonising pain.

Grandpa, you are now at Peace,
I hope I can now be at Peace within myself too,
and finally release any painful feelings of mistrust,
anger and regret.
This will release you, but it will also release me,
and I am young and still have my Life to live.
I know that in your Heart you would want this for me.

Because you couldn't say this, or perhaps even know it,
I am saying it for both of us.
Grandpa, I believe we can still help each other,
for thoughts can never die.
My arms are open wide,
I know at last that yours are too.

I wish you Peace Grandpa,
and Love Grandpa,
And perhaps in Death we have finally opened
each others Hearts
once again, Forever.

And when I sleep tonight,
I can smile
and know it is finally said,
and my Life can move on,
and your spirit can move on
each secure in the knowledge
that Love has lit the way.

Goodnight, God Bless..
Dear Grandpa...



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Reviewed by Laurie Ballard 4/1/2014
Yes...death has no barrier. You have summed all up quite nicely. And I love the line a locket with a picture inside rarely seen but worn close to the heart.

Everyday i still think of my grandma and grandpa and know they are with me.

Laurie B
Reviewed by J. Roseline 1/21/2014
Very heart touching , I couldn't go on . It reminded me of my parents Diana. I feel the same-roseline
Reviewed by Lakshmi Sharma 1/14/2014
So well written. One can see the love for your grandfather and seeing things in retrospect. I loved the image of the locket and the picture inside rarely seen. Keep up the good work.
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton 1/6/2013
I loved my grandma and was scared to death of grandpa. I imagine wherever my grandma is right now she is still cussing me. She loved me but I sure put that love to the test one night. I was staying all night with them, they lived out in the country, and I found a box of chocolate candy and ate every bit of it, it was a small box. My grandparents slept in different bed, and I was going to sleep with grandma. Ah . . . I remember the big old goose-feather mattress, you could sink to forever in it. Well, later than night I was jerked out of bed by grandma and given one of the worse whippings I'd ever had before or since. The box of candy I'd eaten was chocolate alright, but it was Exlax. What a mess. She refused to allow me to spend the night with the forever after that.
Reviewed by Jane Noponen Perinacci 5/10/2012
I never knew a grandparent, but I can imagine how wonderful it must be to have had one, especially the one you write of here! Lovely!

Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 4/22/2012
Compassion and insight ring in every line.

********** B R A V A !!! **********
Reviewed by Karen and Kathy Sills 4/21/2012
Very emotional, but really a wonderful heartfelt story.
Reviewed by Barbara Terry 1/29/2011
You know Diana that there are forces in our lives that have taken over. My mother was a very selfish woman, who was afraid of what others would say or do. So, instead of sending my to Grandma Dolly, she listened to her case worker and sent me to a state institution. She told me that only bad people go to institutions. I was 12 years old, and had done not a single thing wrong, but yet she didn't care.

I have forgiven her and my love for her is forever, but she did things to me that no parent in their right mind would do. I keep asking why, even when she was alive I asked why. I never got an answer then and I cannot get an answer now.

This is a wonderful tribute to your grandpa, and I am sure he enjoys it very much.

May the Lord Jesus bless you, and those whom you love, and be with you always, and at your side constantly. With much love in my heart, joy to the world, peace on earth, & ((((((((((MANY WONDERFUL SISTERLY HUGGGGSSSS)))))))))), your little sister, Barbie
Reviewed by Amor Sabor 1/23/2011
Very gripping heartfelt conversation with someone you loved deeply and want desperately to understand how you hold him dear and have learned so much now that you are older. What beautiful sentiments you have expressed here. Masterfully done.
Reviewed by Felix Perry 3/14/2010
After writing my own posting Outside Looking in this morning and reading your review I came to your site to see this poem posted and it made me think just how precious love can be and how easily it can be lost...thank you for sharing Dianna.
Reviewed by David Thompson 3/31/2009
My favorite words are: "My arms are open wide, I know at last that yours are too." This reminds me of something I read on a plaque once in a gift shop, something to the effect that, "A child once asked Jesus, 'How much do you love me,' and Jesus replied, 'This much.' Then He stretched out his arms and died." Writing is such a wonderful tool for the healing process. I have found over the years that I can say things through writing that I could never think of saying audibly. Isn't it wonderful how God can sometimes help us in such a quiet way?

Reviewed by Sandie May Angel-Joyce 2/3/2009

Your relationship with your grandpa was wonderful, for I can feel it in your words how much you love him and still missing him everyday.

I feel the same way about my grandpa. I guess it has to do with the way that he departed and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. My grandpa is in my poem "To Grandpa With Love". It's my most treasured poem, and means a lot to me.

Sandie Angel :o)
Reviewed by Mary Coe 1/18/2009
Touching and powerful. A bitter sweet write. I was not lucky enough to meet any of my grandparents. But,I can relate. I lost both my parents years ago.
Reviewed by Cryssa C 3/14/2008
I never met any of my grandfathers, but I recognize the balm and healing that having a heartfelt "talk" with those that have passed on can bring... You have expressed that beautifully!

Reviewed by Debby Rosenberg 3/10/2008
like your bio says "letting go"...this is one of those :)
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 3/10/2008
I never met my grandparents. They were in France and my father came to Canada. In any case, you write beautifully here because you open the door. I am moved by your words, Diana. Love, peace, and best wishes to you,

Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 3/10/2008
Beautifully penned, Diana; well done.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 3/10/2008
Powerfully healing write; very well penned! BRAVA!
Reviewed by Charlie 3/10/2008
This is theraputic. I never had a grandfather-- both having died long before I was born, but I recognise the sentiments of regret turned to peace in a heart-felt monologue, that just might not have been one-sided after all.

Believably written and theraputic. If you were to change anything, maybe a few less "Grandpa,s", though I don't know... that's part of what makes it believable.

Take care. --Charlie

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