As a child I never truly never understood why my family, treated me the way they did. Well at least my mother's family, if that's what you want to call them.
I'm from two races white and black blood, and for so many years in this nation they tried to keep colors apart. I would watch the civil rights movement on TV when MLK birthday would come around. I didnt understand how my mother and father loved each other. So why was every one else up in fit it seemed like no love, just hate and putting race's down all over the color of someone's skin.
So I do understand now why my mother's family treated, me, my little brother and sisters the way they did. So at a early age this was something that I had no power over, ignorance.
My mother's side, never looked at me as family, never once dared to invite me into their home. Rejection for a adult is hard, let along a child. I would wonder just how many other kids felt like me, or was I a product of some conspiracy. It sounds weird but true . My mother was married before she married my father and had a son by someone else, he is white. So they would send for him, send him gifts and do all kind of things for him. My mother tried to keep it from us, but me being the oldest girl I knew, I knew what was going on in a indirect way, I knew.
Now growing up I heard all kind of words like, nigger lover, mutt, half breed, honkey-nigger.....nigger wanna be I can go on, but will not ......its no need , just wanted give you an idea of what a child hears. I would walk down the street and people would yell out windows, cars or just in passing. My mother dealt with a lot but she held it down and I never seen mother cry not once.
So growing up I only knew 1/2 of me which is my black side of my family, freinds etc...I only knew one side of me and the other half is like a unknown stroy, or really not there. I didnt know my white side of my family at all, this is not my parents fault or my fault but I had to learn this at very young age. I did think it was my fault , so growing up, I was in somes way's confussed. But by the grace of GOD my parents showed me I was someone and that I did have purpose and I cant change the acts of others. I just could not become like them. So I lilttle by little I got to know me and learned to be me and learned to be strong in my self.
It did hit both side's of the fence as I got older and my black friends would talk about someone because of skin color, etc......so I again was stuck and I again never wanted to share with any one my mother was white......so my strength that I learned as a child started to vanish. I was becoming scared again of what people thought of me.
So I had to regroup and think about what I cared about which was me and what I knew was wrong. Never needed prove anything to anyone but I knew when people starting talking about RACE or pulling the RACE card I would stand up, I would defend what I knew was wrong and would express that Racism is wrong and if you cant change or be aware of what you say then you need to exit my life. That goes for any color of anyone, but I would stand up for anyone being spoke about in bad way sometimes had nothing to do with the color of someone skin. Racism goes much deeper than that.
I had strong parents that made me feel like I was loved, but still racism was a very big part of my life. I wanted no part in it, and I knew this at a very early age ...I would say like five years old. I didnt ever want anyone to feel less than human for any reason, let along for the color of their skin.
I felt as I got older only understanding I got, from this whole thing was the bible, it was the word of god that help me see other's for them. The bible is what I stand by. I stand by treating everyone equal at a very young age.
The pain I felt was and still is unspeakable the things that people say. Calling a child of god a misfit, or a reject or that my mother was white trash for having children with a nigger in their eyes.
My eyes I seen love, I seen two people with not much but worked hard. I seen truth in my parents and yes we struggled but I was always loved. So with the love they gave me, I was able not to become engolfed with hate, but shine and let my love shine. Amazing what children do through trails huh. The love I was still able to show through everything my family put us through!
I did then and still will always keep my head tall and firm. Tall with pride, not letting anyone strip my pride or my happiness. Not a tear to drop anymore for the acts of others blindness, not understanding is what people fear.
We didnt have much, but my family knew about love. I was taught by not being loved by my grandparents and family that I could still love. It was instilled at a very young age, I carried this all threw my adult life and still hold this love for other's dear in my heart.
So as a child I promised my self, I would not hate I would respect others religion, sex, race, and base my love for you, off of your character and nothing else.
Racism needs to STOP.....PEACE and LUV~