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William Phenn

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Profile of A Bigot
By William Phenn
Saturday, July 26, 2008

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A funny story of a day in the life of a very mean man who hated foreigners and any foreign products.


Profile of A Bigot©
By: William Phenn
            Once upon a time there was an engineering company in a large metropolitan city.
In this company were many people of all races, all colors and creeds.
This company wasn't much different from any other in the city except
for the fact that it employed Buford Bigot.
Buford was the kind of guy who just loved to agitate people. He was always saying
something "cute", or doing something to attract attention.
The only problem being whatever Buford said or did, was anything but cute.
On the contrary, it was always stupid, distasteful, crude and malicious.
Whenever Buford opened his mouth, shit would roll out. He was always right,
all knowing and the best in the business (in his own mind).
Buford used to show off his intelligence by claiming (loudly) that
Naturalized citizens were not "Real" American citizens.
Things like, "America for Americans"
His political choice for president was, "the only man for the job"...
But he couldn't tell you why.
Buford also liked to play boss, he liked the sense of power it gave him.
He didn't mind that he was boss over himself and a frail, young, junior engineer.
That didn't matter, Buford was a Boss.
            Buford went along in life this way for quite some time.
Then one day (the morning after attending a friends wedding),
Buford woke up to find a big, ugly wart on his nose.
Running into the kitchen to show his wife, he found a note on the table.
The note was from his wife and the words tore at his heart,
"Thanks for the humiliation you caused me last night at the wedding....
You have broken a record for becoming an ass, in and out in twenty minutes"!
"P.S....I'm gone. Don't look for me"!
            Buford was actually surprised, he couldn't believe she left or why?
"Leave him"?"But why"?
            At work that morning Buford was a bear, he knocked women, divorce,
society, anything and everything. As the day wore on,
he began to notice more of the ugly warts popping up on his face;
his cheeks became distorted and puffed out.
"Damn", thought Buford, "the damn soap is made in Texas by Wetbacks"!
Going over to his drawing board, he picked up his good German compass and began to draw.
"Ouch", he yelled! Looking at his hand, it was as if something burned it.
When he saw that the circle he was drawing was scribbled because of the
jerking of his hand, he decided to erase it.
Picking up the eraser (which was made in Taiwan), 
he couldn't believe his eyes when it melted in his hand!
"Shit", he yelled!
"What the hell is going on around here"?
Beside himself with anger, he decided to go home at noon.
            "Nothing can happen now", he thought, as he drove his American
built Dodge to his American built home. As he pulled away from the light
an Arab kid in a hot car wanted to race.
"I'll get him", said Buford, pushing his foot to the floor!
In seconds the Turbo-charger in Bufords car kicked in and he began to pass the youngster.
Just then a big roar sounded from Bufords car, his Mitsubishi engine blew a rod.
            Buford finally made it home, thanks to the local (American made) bus line.
By this time his guts were retching so badly he could barely walk into the house.
Hurrying into the kitchen, he poured himself a cold glass of water.
Filling it with his favorite antacid drank it down in a flash.
Buford felt it starting to work and was about to put the bottle back on the shelf.
That’s when he noticed the label, "Brioschi", "Made in Italy"!

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