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Mom, I Don't Want To Do It...Life
By Sandy Forbes
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Allie's decision breaks her mother's heart in a million pieces. . .
Sitting there near Mom should have held some kind of comfort but it only reminded me that she'd made my choice and I had absolutely no voice in the matter.
<br>The room was cold with odd pictures of shapes and funny flowers adorned the walls. There was nothing flowery about this moment, I told myself, twirling my hair in my hands.
<br>"A nurse should be calling you in a few minutes," the receptionist told me softly from her desk.
<br>I didn't want to hear her or my Mom. Daddy hadn't made it inside yet and something told me that he probably wouldn't. He was disappointed in me and I was disappointed in me, too.
<br>"You're only sixteen," he'd said earlier, pointing an index finger in my face. "How could you be so stupid after everything we've instilled in you?"
<br>Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about his scorching words. I should have known better but it was a mistake. . an accident.
<br>Clutching my stomach, a sour dread ached in its core and I clenched my teeth to stop from throwing up. There was actually a life inside of me and maybe just maybe that life felt a glimpse of my torrid emotions. Maybe that life inside of me wanted to live.
<br>But I was so young. How would I raise a baby? What would I do? Mom and Dad would never help if I fought them on this. Then for the first time since I'd told them that I was pregnant, I realized that I did have a choice. I had a voice. Abortion was not the only choice that I could make.
<br>I heard my name called and Mom nudged me and helped my wooden body to stand. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to move. They would be taking my baby and that thought alone startled me. I would be responsible for what happened if I allowed them to take this life out of my body.
<br>Suppose this baby grew up to be a Ronald Raegan or a Neil Armstrong? What if I was holding inside of me a Danielle Steel or an Oprah Winfrey? And what if this baby wasn't famous at all? What if this baby was just a wonderful citizen who enjoyed helping people, nurturing people? Who loved people and enjoyed giving? That would be alright with me, too. What if this baby taught me about responsibility? But there was no way that I would ever know or this baby would ever know what he or she could become.
<br>"Let's go, honey," Mom urged firmly.
<br>Speak up, I told myself. Speak up for the life of your child! Do it now or forever hold your peace!
<br>"I said, let's go," Mom repeated a bit louder.
<br>"I don't want to go, Mom." My voice trembled a little but it was strong nonetheless.
<br>"What did you say?" the nurse asked, her mouth gaped open.
<br>"I said I don't want to go."
<br>Looking up in my mother's face, I could see that she was tense and worried. Her hands covered her mouth and she shook her head in disbelief.
<br>"Allie, you have your entire life ahead of you. If you don't go through with this, your threatening your future to become a doctor or a lawyer."
<br>"What about this baby's future?"
<br>"It's really not even a baby yet," she argued, giving the nurse an apologetic glance.
<br>"Oh yeah? Well, if it's not a baby yet then what are we fussing about? Nothing? I'm sorry Mom, for everything, but this is a life inside of me. I can't allow someone to scrape that life out of me. I can't be responsible for that."
<br>"But God will forgive you."
<br>"Forgive me? Maybe he's the one trying to stop me now. As I sat there in that chair, for the first time since this happened, I realize that I have a choice. I have a voice in this and it matters. My baby matters. Brad and I were careless but it happened and I don't want to sweep it under the rug. I want to give this baby a chance at life, like you gave me. Please help me, Mom."
<br>My mother shook her head, then wiped the tears from her eyes. "I can't. Your father and I will not take care of that baby. That baby is not in the plan at this time in your life."
<br>"Well, change the plan a little, Mom, " I cried softly, "Make adjustments, please. I'll get a part time job and I'll stay in school. We can work something out if we really want to. You might be letting go of a grandchild that you can love."
<br>"This is not a game, young lady. It's not a phase or a fad. This is a lifetime commitment and Allison, I'm telling you if you don't go inside of that room and do this, then you can't come back home."
<br>I wanted to run and hide somewhere. If Brad was here, I wondered if he would be on my side. Whether he was going to back me up or not, there was no way that I was going in that room. I would call the Red Cross or a Women's shelter or somewhere that could help me take care of myself and my baby but there was no way in a million years that I was stepping into that room.
<br>"Do you all need more time?" the nurse asked, quirking an eyebrow.
<br>"No," I told her, "I'm keeping my baby."
<br>It shocked me when my own mother turned and walked out of the office. I didn't know if she was leaving me or just going outside for a breather. But it didn't matter for the moment. All that mattered right now was that life inside of me.
<br>A sudden peace came over me. This was the biggest decision of my life and I promised myself right then and there that I would do everything I could for the life inside of me.
<br>Mom was not outside when I stepped out the building and neither was Dad but that was okay. Sometimes making the right decision caused pain. But in time, I hoped that they would get over it.
<br>As hard as this was for me, I headed for a phone booth and called my school. I had to tell my school counselor and I knew that she would help me. It was kind of hard reaching out for help but with a life inside of your body, sometimes you have to!
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|Reviewed by Birdie Houston
|This is stirring and moving but great write|
|Reviewed by Annamae
I wish there was more, you got my adrenalin (spell chek) flowing.
|Reviewed by Peter Adotey Addo
|Thank you for sharing this with us ...very touching...|
|Reviewed by Kate Clifford
|The choice is always yours and only yours to make no matter what you have heard one way or another. It is your heart that will guide you to what is correct for your path. Excellent write!|
|Reviewed by Michelle Kidwell Power In The Pen
|This was a powerful write I commend you for sharing this. I pray it makes poeple think about what abortion really is which is murder.|