She always kept to herself, sat in the back of the lunchroom away from the snickering bullies who made her feel like a loser, who whispered nasty comments about her.
I always thought she was a shy one, someone who preferred isolation to being amongst the crowd but now I know it was not the case.
She felt like she didn't fit in, didn't belong with this crowd, with these people who had nothing better to do than put her down and make her feel unworthy, sometimes of even being alive.
By keeping to herself she protected herself from the hurt, the pain, the wounds inflicted on her psyche. By not saying a word she made herself invisible and hence prevented contact from the outsiders who only caused her harm.
No she wasn't shy. She wasn't dormant. She was merely shielding herself from those who would do her no good - and it seemed to be everyone she came in contact with.
That life is now far behind her and I now see the true outspoken, always smiling soul that existed all along but remained hidden and at last resurfaced for all to see.
Written November 5, 2013
© 2013 Lena Kovadlo