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Sally Patricia Gardner

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The Agony Aunt's Tale
By Sally Patricia Gardner
Sunday, November 20, 2011

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Disinterested advice?


The Agony Aunts Tale



Dear Ruby,                                      February 2011                                                                                         


I’ve been buying Glitzy Girl forever and I absolutely love your page – it’s always the first thing I turn to, and I think you are so clever at sorting people out. I was really glad last week when you told that little tart from Bradford to stop messing around with her friend’s dad– what a slag!

   Ruby, I really need your advice. I met Wayne when we both started to work at McDonalds on the same day. I thought he was so nice, really polite and good-looking even though he has sandy hair which I would never have thought I would fancy, but then you never know what’s going to turn you on, do you? And he’s ever so clever- he could remember all the X-factor winners right from the first programme.

 Anyway, it was like it was meant, right from day one. We had our break together on that first day and, would you believe, he got me an egg and sausage Mcmuffin without me even telling him it was my favourite. The following weekend he took me to the pictures and insisted on paying for me which was so old-fashioned that when I told my Mum she said: “Chelsea, you hang on to him, they don’t make many like that nowadays.”

   Anyway, we’ve been going out for a year now and Wayne got promoted to floor manager last month and has just got this really nice flat over the fish and chip shop, and I’m supposed to be moving in with him next week. But the thing is, like, my mate Chardonnay had a girls only birthday gig a couple of days ago at this really posh hotel, Valentines, - her step-dad paid for it, he always goes a bit over the top to show he’s better than her real Dad-Chardonnay does really well between the two of them. Anyways, I got a bit hot with all the dancing and the booze and went and sat out in the garden to cool off.

    So I’m sitting there, minding my own business, when this gorgeous chap suddenly appears-oh, Ruby, talk about tall, dark and handsome! And he asks if he can sit with me and, of course, I say yes. And then we just started to chat – it was like I’d known him forever. And in a funny sort of way, I had, because he told me that we went to the same school and even though he was older than me, he’d always remembered me. And he wasn’t having me on, because he knew my name and the crowd I used to go about with. We laughed a bit about some of the teachers and then, when it got a bit shivery out there, he took his jacket off and put it round my shoulders, just like in one of those old black and white films. And he said ‘look at the stars, Chelsea, aren’t they beautiful?’ and I did and they were, and it was, like, so romantic. I didn’t know you could get to feel like that without snogging.

   He actually owns the hotel, would you believe! He invented some computer game and became a millionaire just like that. I thought he was kidding me first of all but then some waiter came out to see if we wanted anything and Peter (that’s his name) said to get us some champagne and the waiter was back with it in a trice, ‘sirring’ and nearly falling over himself to impress him. We sat for ages chatting and sipping the champers, and he told me how lonely he was and that he was usually a bit shy but seeing me after all these years had given him the confidence to come and talk to me. Then he said that all he had ever really wanted was to meet a girl who would be interested in him, and not his money. And he’s off to Dubai on some business next week (in his own jet!!!) but could he see me again when he gets back.

   Oh Ruby, what should I do? Wayne has worked so hard to get where he is, and I don’t want to be one of those girls who thinks money is everything because I do like Peter for himself. Should I risk losing Wayne by going out with Peter? Help!

Yours, feeling a bit desperate,

Dear Ruby,                                                                                           March 2011


Thank you so much – I knew that I could rely on you for sensible advice. You are absolutely right, of course. Wayne is the real world and I should not get carried away and think that I would be happier with Peter, so I have moved in with Wayne and I’m going to work very hard so that I will be promoted to floor manager at McDonalds like him and then the rent will not be such a problem. How wise you are, as always.

Yours gratefully,

Editors Footnote                                                                                   September 2011:


It is with great regret that everyone at Glitzy Girl says goodbye to Ruby, who is leaving us this month, but we offer her our hearty congratulations on her marriage to Peter Porter,

the hotelier who made his fortune with computer games. The couple are at present honeymooning on Peter’s private island in the Seychelles. Have a great life, Ruby!


Sally Patricia Gardner                     895 words                                       October 2011






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