AuthorsDen.com   Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Patricia Sanders, iNancy Neville, iTheodore Soderberg, iJohn MacEachern, iTuchy (Carl) Palmieri, iMel Hathorn, iBeverly Scott, i

  Home > Arts/Entertainment > Stories
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Joyce White

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Sponsor Me!
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· News
· Stories
· Blog
· Messages
· 262 Titles
· 273 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Sep, 2008

Joyce White, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




Featured Book
Behind the Scenes of The King's Ransom
by Cheryl Carpinello

Ever wonder what writers do beside writing their books? An interesting look at the creative work behind author Cheryl Carpinello's The King's Ransom...  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members


Books by Joyce White
Part 2 Looking for love
By Joyce White
Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rated "PG13" by the Author.

Share    Print  Save   Follow

Recent stories by Joyce White
· God Bless the Creative
· Living with and Beyond Abuse
· Reconstructing Momma's Love
· Writing my life...why I write!!!.
· My Story, My Way at Blog Talk Radio tonight 8-9
· Bringing our true purpose to fruition...
· 3-D Books, Art that is books!
           >> View all 21


From Sculpting the Heart, my memoirs, I was drunk from pain, burnt like wood, and rendered a couch potato. I didn’t know I was suffering from depression.

LOOKING FOR SELF-LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES


When I was a young single mother, I remember wearing too much rouge and lipstick, high heels and black pinafores. I let my breasts hang unobstructed almost reaching out for love and companionship like so many other young girls. Even under a bed of twinkling stars, no lover could fill the emptiness in my gut. I was a tormented angry soul unsure of myself or my potential. I was drunk from pain, burnt like wood, and rendered a couch potato. I didn’t know I was suffering from depression. I just thought I was unlucky in love and life, easily locked into addictions of alcohol, drugs and obesity. As I look back that swollen festering woman was not who I wanted to be. So, I wrote a lot of poetry:

A TIMELY POEM

There’s never enough time, Wanting you or not, I’ve solaced myself, Waiting for buses on Broadway, Getting me to my 9:00 x 5:00, My hat sometimes taking wing, My dress dancing to an unheard melody, While admirers look on, Pigeons squatted, Screaming for more room, More food, Always more food, Not wanting the others to think me Ordinary, I wore a mask, I was an actress for sure, I was Mary Tyler Moore. There’s never enough time You busy in your world Me busy in mine, Wanting you, Or not, To talk and to cuddle Would answer my prayers, I seem to have lost my Tongue, my lips, my smiles, My eyes are lost without you, I will find them only when You return, I cannot find enjoyment, My days soiled without you, Forlorn prose and Bleeding Rhyme humor me, as I sing for you and Only you.

There were grim encounters of attracting and repelling men I wrongly thought would complete me. It surprised me like my pops, most came and went without much regard to my needs. When I held back sex a reasonable time, men grew impatient complaining, it took too long to turn me on. When I gave in one-night stands, they said I was too easy to turn on. And then, there were those who said, I was more trouble than I was worth - period. Those might have been the healthiest of them all. Many left me with an ecstasy that left me golden toasty for years. Others left me somewhere in between crazy and almost crazy with an unsittable itch while weeping from room to room.


One decorated my life. After I lost him, I stopped looking for a man to fulfill my needs. There were still times when I liked to be the center of attention with my quick wit, flirting eyes and sexy body. I wished I had spent less time looking at myself in that dance-floor mirror. No matter how good I looked, my appearance never defined who I really was or who I wanted to someday be. Nobody knew I was lonely and sad. I was always the actress with my mind engaged in noisy internal dialogues, self-defeating habits and abusive behaviors. Many men were my temporary fix, you know, like comfort food. I wonder if I was their comfort food, too? There is a faint melody still beating in my chest for that young woman who loved to dance in the spotlight and pretend she was special.


I was dumped by my fair share of men. I heard dozens of explanations I think it was because I didn’t really understand we cannot manipulate or control love. Each time I gave myself sexually, I hoped it would buy me more time and more loving. When it didn’t, I prayed to God, what was I to do now?_ Offering him bribes late at night while drifting into a fitful sleep, I’d pray, “Dear Lord, if you bring him back to me, I promise I will do anything!” When I complained to mom she always warned me. “Forget their flattering words, choosing them we lose ourselves.”

My unrequited lovers still visit me in dreams. My daughters have taken over where I left off despite my constant nagging. They are chasing men to fulfill their dreams instead of looking within. To be honest, I still yearn to turn back the clock and rediscover the joy of guiding old lovers to my secret places, reminding them, I need only what you can give me to once more feel loved. Longing still stirs my marrow come night fall no matter how old I get. (Do we all lie lonely?)

   

       Web Site: Winged for Art Therapy

Want to review or comment on this short story?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!



Popular Arts/Entertainment Stories
1. Seven Story Videos Two
2. Steve and Eydie
3. Working on the Dance for “Glimpses”: A Com
4. Still Working on the Musical Score of Glim
5. Bloodlines, Tales From the African Diaspor
6. Starting to Write for Flute and Piano: A C
7. MOVIE REVIEWED BY ME: A SIMPLE LIFE
8. A Tribute to Fred Astaire
9. Baltimore Ravens Super Bowl Song
10. Finding Melodies and Harmonies for 'Glimps

The Eighteen Story Gingerbread House by Jay Dubya

The Eighteen Story Gingerbread House is a collection of 18 children's stories that have imaginative magic and animal plots and themes...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Confessions of a Movie Addict by Betty Jo Tucker

Film Stars! Dancing! Popcorn! At last, a life story with everything but the movie stuff edited out.This amusing memoir chronicles film critic Betty Jo Tucker's love affai..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.