I draw the line
This is the day I draw the line in the sand and say this is enough! For months I have been going on an emotional rollercoaster, Loving God every day, but mad, knowing I was made for something more than this life and that there was something greater. My life has always been full of raw emotions. I have been trying to learn from my past, and always looking for towards the future, but never appreciating where I was and am in life. I was always in search of something, but knew not what it was. I found myself going back to old ways, making each day seem like a past memory being relived all over again. How could this happen to me, why did I do this again? What am I learning through all of this if anything was something I found myself battling every day.
I seemed happy didn’t I? My face and body language was telling one story, but inside was another tired of fighting, and wishing someone would see straight through me. I did what you wanted, didn’t I? Who was I lying to? Only myself, I didn’t want to release for what reason? For fear of failure, being hurt, hurting others? I heard a message from my Pastor one Sunday. He talked about How David was said to be a man after Gods own heart. How did one man become like this? “Pslam 51-10-15 states: Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Psa 51:11 Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.
Psa 51:12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Psa 51:13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways; and sinners shall be converted to You.
Psa 51:14 Deliver me from the guilt of shedding blood, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
Psa 51:15 O Jehovah, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
David knew he was a sinner, but asked that God would make him a new Heart, create a heart that was brand new, because he knew that his was bad.
Lord you know me better than I know myself, what is that you want from me? Every day, every day ran through my mind. Every night a pull a tug, but always the other side stronger than the one. God make me different…I can’t do this on my own! I am week….But you are so strong, I am poor, but you are rich, I am blind, but with you I see! My father I love you more than I can humanly find the words to say…..I love you for what you did for me and the love you have for me….Lord I thank you for all the blessings in my life…Lord I repent of every sinned I have knowingly admitted and not….Lord I am sorry for not trusting in you ….I am sorry lord and ask forgiveness of all the wrong I have done to those who love me….Lord you know I can not do this on my own, Like David I want to be a person of after your own heart . Lord I need a new heart, a pure heart not stained by my past……I need a hear t that knows only you and your love, so I can praise you every day and do your will every day and every moment…