The Sapphire Moon
By
R.W. Ferland
As I sit here on dock in front of my family cabin along the shore of Crescent Lake I stare out across the smooth, blue water. As the moon moves across the water before me, its reflection looks like a sapphire sitting high in the darkened sky. The stars dance before my eyes as their shimmering reflection joins the moon across the Crescent Lake. I have decided it's time to put pen to paper, it's time, I feel I am ready to tell the tale of a love long since past. Some have said that some stories can never be told for they are just too difficult to put into words, for the longest time that is how I felt about the story that is about to unfold before me in these blank pages of my journal.
This is a story of a love that has long since passed, many sapphire moons ago I am afraid. This story is not only for my family to read, this is a tale for the world to read. A story of love that has lasted a lifetime after a lifetime has come and gone. Surely, everyone can benefit from its message of enduring love.
Her name was Katherine Howel, I met her right here on the shore of this lake when I was but a young man, which today seems like a lifetime ago. Her long blond hair hung down to her shoulders and freckles dotted her face, enhancing her beauty with cute arrays. Her smile beamed as bright and big as the sky on a pleasant, sunny day. Her amazing eyes burned like the soft glow of embers of a dying fire in the cool moonlight. Her small, thin frame gave her the look of perfection from God's master design.
My name is Alex Olson and like most young men at that time, I was clean cut. I liked to keep my hair buzzed short because I like the way it felt in the cool waters of the lake. I inherited my deep brown eyes from my wonderful mother Clare. I maintained my slim build getting exercise from swimming laps around small Crescent Lake. Although well built for a typical sixteen-year-old-boy, sexual awkwardness wrought me, but so did sexual appetite.
I will never forget the first day I met Katherine. It's hard to put into any kind of words how one feels when they meet the one person on earth they instantly know they will spend the rest of their life with. It was as if the Fourth of July that day, the chemistry between us was instant. In time, I would come to call her "Kat", and she would come to call me Sweetie". It was the best summer of my life; however, it seemed to be one of the shortest. I prayed with all my might that it would never end, but unfortunately, it did. Nothing stops time not even love. Before the end of that summer, I knew I was her first love and that she was my last. I knew that no matter what I would never not be part of Kat's life. Two summers would come and go; our love would grow like wild fire. We shared many nights under the summer sky, kissing and holding each other tight on the small beach that ran along the shore of the Crescent Lake.
We both turned eighteen in late summer that year and were on our way . . . by the first of September. She would go off to Southern Maine to study business. Southern Maine's campus is located in Orono. It was a forty- five minute ride away from The University of Maine were I would find myself studying engineering. We would see each other every weekend, and talk on the phone almost every night. The relationship would grow, even though we were divided by fifty miles of highway. We had never dated anyone else except each other. We had never experienced love like ours with anyone else other than each other. We had been each other's first and God willing each other's last. We grew so close that by the time we had finished college we knew we wanted to get married and be together forever.
I graduated with honors with my engineering degree, she too would graduate top of her class with a degree in business. Life was great and we both seemed to be on the same path. Within three months of finishing school, Kat and I had moved in together and we planned on getting married. Her parents gave their blessing and so did mine. We both found good jobs; I was hired on with the Maine Turnpike Authority as roadway engineer. She found a job managing a retirement home. She really enjoyed working with people so it was a natural fit for her.
Within a year, we both were living a good life. We had all we needed, but most of all we had a love that was amazing. I would ask her to marry me the night of our six-year anniversary as a couple. I knew she would not say no, but I wanted to make it as special as I could. It was summer and I convinced her to come out to the Crescent Lake with me, to spend a long weekend enjoying each other at my parent's cabin. She would later tell me she knew that I was going to ask her that weekend. That Saturday night, as we sat under the star filled sky looking up at the moon we talked about our future together.
In the middle of it all I awkwardly blurted out, Kat will you marry me? Of course she said yes and then we held each other for what seemed to be hours as we whispered soft I love you's into each other's ear. The next day came, and we would find ourselves in the car heading back to town, excited to tell all of our loved ones of the great news. We called a picnic at our house the next weekend. We invited everyone we knew, family, friends, even the mailman. We invited everyone we could in our small town. No one seemed as surprised as we thought they would. Maybe like us they knew all along it was just a matter of time before we would marry. The picnic lasted all day and in to the night. We talked about our wedding plans as well as our futures together to all who would listen, which turned out to be just about everyone.
Within a few short months were married in one of the largest weddings in the history of Silver Falls, Maine. It was an amazing ceremony; Kat was as beautiful as any bride could ever be. I looked pretty good in a tux too. We were married at noon on a pleasant Sunday by our church pastor, Pastor James McCall. The reception went well. Everyone had a great time and we danced and romanced all night long. At the end of the night, Kat and I snuck off to our bridal suite and made love. That to this day is by far the most amazing sexual experience of my life. It was beyond powerful; every emotion we had within our being was expressed on that night. The next day we would head off to the Caribbean for a week long honeymoon, curtsy of Kat's parents. It was a great trip, we spent most of our days just laying on the beach and soaking up the warm Caribbean rays. We would look up into the sky at night and imagine we were back on the Crescent Lake. We made love far too many times to count; she was equally amazing every time. Her body was so beautiful, and her eyes seemed to pierce deep into my soul with every subtle stare. After the week long honeymoon and love making festival we would find ourselves on a plane heading back to Maine, and our future together.
The first few years seemed to speed past and before we knew it Kat and I had been married for three years. It was right around that time that Kat started talking about wanting to have children. We discussed the idea of starting a family for several months, our parents where all very eager to have some little grand children running around. It turned out to be an easy decision to make, the time just felt right. It was one of those decisions in my life that I knew instantly when I made it that it was the right decision. Kat would later tell me she felt the same way. After a few short months of trying Kat was pregnant, I was very excited and I made a point to go with her to every doctor appointment. The nine months preceding the birth of our first child were indeed a long nine months. Kat's hormones made her somewhat of a challenge to read.
Then one night in the middle of July, two weeks ahead of schedule, Kat went into labor and of course I panicked, after all it was our first child and I was scared to death of what it all really mean to be a father. I never let Kat see my fear, but I am quite sure she knew I was scared. I took her to the emergency room, and within no time, her entire family joined me pacing in the waiting area as Kat went into labor. Within just a few short nervous filled hours, Kat gave birth to a healthy 9 lbs 6 oz baby girl. I will never forget the first time I met my daughter. She had the same amazing eyes as Kat and her hair was just as blond but she had my curls. She was very quiet, she just laid there in her mother's arms as if she was trapped in the same warm embrace I had found myself in many times before. After a brief discussion about possible names, because until that point we had no idea if we were having a boy or a girl, we decided to call her Megan Lynn.
In no time at all little Megan would grow to become a mirror image of her lovely mother Kat, except of course having my curly hair. Life would continue to move fast for us. In no time, Megan had a little brother named Derek and around that same time Kat and I would celebrate our ten-year wedding anniversary. I had become a manager in the engineer department of the Maine Turnpike. Finally, I was making enough money that Kat decided to stop working and focus all of her time on raising our kids. Kat and I would only have two kids, we had talked about having another, but the right time never seemed to present itself.
For many years to come our lives would stay on an upward track. We had a great relationship. Our love would grow stronger with each passing year. We would go back to the Crescent Lake at least one weekend every summer to reconnect. We would spend our days swimming, fishing, and boating around the lake. We would spend our nights sitting on this dock, just as I am now looking up at the endless night's sky. We would talk of love. We would talk of the great things we had done together over the years. Sometimes we would just sit here in silence for hours looking up at the sky and thinking of how lucky we were to have found each other. Kat had the softest lips. I can feel them now as I sit here and remember back to all the nights we kissed under these very stars. Her hand was soft, I used to run my fingers between hers, feeling the curves of each one.
I miss her so much. As I prepare myself to leave this world, I find great peace in knowing that soon I will be in her loving embrace again. I remember the night I lost my dear wife, even though it was many years ago now the memories are as sharp as ever. It was June 23, an oddly cool summer's night for June. Kat had been fighting cancer for the previous year. She had been strong and for a time it seemed she was winning the battle. Her spirits were high and she often talked of her future after she beat her cancer. She talked of us retiring out here at the lake. Living like we were beach bums in the freshwater paradise until they carry us away. She never once talked of death; she had no plans on dying she only spoke of the life she had left. Her enthusiasm was contagious; we all believed that she would be ok. The doctors gave her a good chance, and her cancer seemed to be in remission. Most of all I wanted to be strong for her and the kids, so the thought of her dying never crossed my mind. After all, she was the love on my life and I was not ready to let go of her.
On the night of June 23, my whole life would come crashing down. Megan and Derek would lose their mother, and I would lose my best friend, my lover, my Kat. I can still see her face as clear as if I was in the room where she died, looking down at her as she uttered her final words to me. Her death came quick. She had caught a cold just days before and her body was extremely weak from the last intense round of chemo she had endured. Her soft eyes looked pale, she looked weak, and her skin was pasty white as if all the color she once represented in this world was drained away. None of us knew that would be the last night of her life, we all were optimistic. We wanted to believe she was gonna be fine. I needed her to be ok, for Kat was my life, my everything. Without her I knew I would be lost. Unfortunately, she was just too weak and death was coming whether any of us were ready or not.
It was around eleven pm, I was sitting in the chair at Kat's bedside. I was half-asleep when I heard her soft voice call out to me. She whispered to me softly asking for a glass of water. I quickly rose too my feet and felt her head. She was burning hot. Light drops of sweat dotted her brow. The pitcher of water laid empty on the nightstand nearby, I assured her I would be right back with a fresh pitcher of water as well as a damp cloth to cool her head. I went off into the kitchen and in no time I had a fresh pitcher of ice cold water as well as a wet face cloth. When I came back into the room I reached for Kat's glass sitting by her bed. I quickly poured her a glass of water. I placed the wet cloth on her forehead as I kissed her cheek. I assured her I was back, as I learned away to look at her face. Her eyes stared back at me, empty of all life. I put my head down on her chest to her heart beat, there was none. She had died in that few moments when I walked away, my whole life had changed. I never got to say good bye, none of us did. Kat died alone there in the bed, while I was just feet away. I never really forgave myself for not being there when she needed me most. I tried to tell myself that I am sure she knew all that I would have said. I tried to understand, but I often wish I would have had the chance to say goodbye on that night.
Just a few short days later, we had a lovely service for Kat. Hundreds of people who knew her came and paid their respects. I tried to stay strong for her, but I could not help but to cry when the reality that she was gone hit me on that day. Derek and Megan both spoke of their mother, as well as the Pastor McCall. I choose not to speak; instead, I wrote a note for my sweet Kat and placed it inside her casket. I never told anyone what I wrote, it was for Kat, I knew that somehow she would read it wherever she was. The service was lovely ceremony very fitting for such a wonderful and amazing person.
Kat was cremated and her ashes were spread across the Crescent Lake days later in a private ceremony with just the family. I did not speak that night for I felt I had to be strong for Megan and Derek. When I die, I will join my sweet Kat amongst the small waves that ripple across the Crescent Lake from time to time. As I write the tale of our life together I can't help but to think she is out there close by, smiling back at me as she looks on from the reflection of the moon that hangs bright in the nights sky.
Years later Derek would ask me what I wrote in the note I placed in her casket, at that time I was not ready to speak of what I wrote for my sweet Kat. Its only now as time finally begins to run out on my own life that I am ready to write it all down, not only for my children's sake but so that someday after I am gone it can be read and the true ways of how much I loved and cared for Kat can be revealed.
I have been diagnosed with a with a brain tumor, in time it will cause me to lose all my memories as well as my abilities to take care of myself. The doctors say at the current rate I could have as little as six months left to live. They suggested that I seek treatment which might buy me sometime but in the end the tumor would probably rob me of any quality of life.
I also suffer from many other health issues that have really begun to take their toll on me these last few years. Since Kat died I have been so very alone. Life seems pointless without her sometimes. Derek and Megan visit me quite often, but now I really feel as if I am just more of a hassle to them. I am ready it's time. I am ready to join my Kat in Heavens eternal embrace. Before I go, I felt it was important to write down what Kat meant to me, so that my children and my grandchildren can see how much of an amazing women she was and how much we loved each other.
I am ready to tell what the note that I tucked inside Kat's casket on her funeral day said. I remember writing it the night before. I sat down right here on this very dock with a pen and a pad, and I thought for hours of all the things Kat meant to me. I wanted to tell her so much; she died before I got the chance too. The note was my way of letting her know all I wanted to say. As I sit here, know I can close my eyes and see the note before me. The words appear as clear as they did the night I wrote them.
My Loving Wife:
Its been several days now since you have been gone. I feel so alone, I am trying to stay strong for Derek and Megan but it's so hard. I wanted to tell you so much. I wanted to find a way to let you know how I felt and what you really meant to me all these years. I hope that you are up in heaven right now reading this note and smiling down on me. I hope that someday again, we will be together as one in an eternal embrace that will never end.
I love you. You have always been my best friend. I miss how we used to talk on the dock at the lake. I will miss your soft hugs when I need them most. I always loved your kiss, and the way you smelled liked summer flowers even in the dead of winter. You always shined brighter than any person I have ever known. I will miss that sparkle in your eyes when we made love. I have no regrets in my life, you made it complete. Even when we had, rough patches you stayed strong. You held this family together with your love and support of all that we did. I thank you for Derek and Megan. A father could not ask for two better kids. Megan reminds me of you in so many ways, most of all she has your loving light. To be around her makes me feel that in some ways you have not passed. Derek is smart like you, and he has a stubborn streak that reminds me of your sweet mother.
There are so many things I want to say. There are so many thing that you did for me over the years that in many ways helped me become the man I always wanted to be. With you, I always felt anything was possible. You truly were my strength when I needed it most. It will be hard to go on without you, but for the sake of Derek and Megan, I will do what it takes to survive life without you.
My Kat, I will always miss you. I love you more than could ever be expressed. You are my light; you are my sun of the darkest day. I will always smile at the thought of you looking down on me from Heaven. I will count the seconds until the time comes when we are together as one in heavens embrace. Goodbye my sweet wife, forever I shall mourn you. For a love like ours could never be replaced. I will always be yours, and you will always be mine. Until we meet again, my love. I send a kiss and a smile your way; please watch over me as you always have. For I will need your strength to
Get through the life before me without you.
Always and forever, my love, I will miss you . . .
In the time since I wrote the note I placed with you much time has passed since you have been gone, but I know that my time is near. Something about today just seemed different to me. When I woke up today, I felt a warm feeling that I have not felt since before your passing. I knew before it was too late I have to write this all down so that the world would know how much you meant to me and how much of a wonderful person you really where. Its late now, the moon is high in the dark sky. As I stare out across the lake its reflection shines just like it has so many times before. The cool summer breeze warms my face. It is time. It's time for me to leave this place far behind and return to the embrace of my loving wife. I could feel it when I woke up today, that indeed it would be the last day on my long life.
I will miss you my son, be strong, and take care of your sister. All you have is each other and the kids, always remember that family is everything in this world. Raise your children to become wonderful members of society. Teach them right and tell them of this tale in the hopes that someday they may find a love like the one your mother and I shared.
Megan, I am so proud of you, you have grown into a strong-willed determined woman. I see so much of your mother in you, she would have been proud just as I am. Three-year-old Bethany is such a wonderful child, teach her of all you know so that she too can grow up to be a strong woman like you. Always make sure you tell them each day how much you love them and how much they mean to you.
I hope this journal brings you happiness and a peace of mind. I hope you find comfort in its pages. I will be ok, for by the time you read this I am sure I will be up in heaven to begin spending an eternity in the loving embrace of your mother. I will kiss her ever so softly on the cheek for you both. I will miss you both, but it is my time. I am ready. I have been for many years since your mother died. I will be ok now, live life the best way you know how. Think of us often when you look out upon the Crescent Lake as the moon reflects in the still water like a sapphire shining in the night sky.
"My dad wrote this on the night he died. He wanted us all to know how he felt about my mother. I am glad it was found for this is a tale that has to be told. A love like theirs is a shining example of how we should care for each other. I read it here today as I commit his ashes to the Crescent Lake Knowing that he will forever be in the arms of my mother, the one true love of his life. Rest in peace dad, may your ashes join as one here in the waters of the Crescent Lake. Whenever Megan and I need to speak to you, we will return to this place, the place of your summer love that grew into an eternity together. We will miss you as we have missed mother, but we know that you are truly together as one now."
Derek says in a somber tone as he pours his father's ashes off a small boat into the waters of the Crescent Lake.
"Amen"
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