(for those of you who dont know what a fur/furry is it is someone who believes in mans connection with the earth and animals to the point of man being able to have an animal spirit in the to help them through life. This is seen through the eyes of someone who is a human with Furry beliefs who tries to live life online with others that believe as he does.)
"I don't understand??? why can't you see it from my point of view?"
"what point of View? there's only one according to you and it's that I'm a freak!"
"What else would you call it? you sit in front of a computer dreaming of being something you can never be....even making love as something you can't be....its not NORMAL."
With that the woman who i thought understood everything in my life stormed out, slamming the door with a less than graceful exit.
Slumping down in my couch i was at a loss as to what i should do...she wouldn't come back...i knew that. and this was the third one to walk out on me.
this hurt though. id know her since we were kids. I thought of all people she would've figured it out, that she would understand.
I got up and walked to the medicine cabinet. my pills were there, though i had taken my dose for today. opening the bottle i counted out enough to be able to safely swallow and grabbed enough water to take them.
Now just sit and wait.
This is the hard part.
you never know if Death will arrive swift or slow and how or when.
tonight I'm trying i suppose to call her, it hasn't worked before though...so many lovers, so few friends.
why do they hate me.
I'm just like them.
all i want is love and friends.
I just don't want to be alone.
I look at the clock and realize the meds have kicked in big time as now the hands are dancing on the desk and the clock is now talking to my pencil sharpener. which i find rather odd...what could they have to talk about?
giving up this line of though in a last ditch effort to preserve my last moments of sanity i try to check the time on my digital watch. this was another exercise in futility as somehow the digital LED was showing scenes from movies while people threw popcorn at the actors, who in turn grabbed the people and threw them to the movie monster.
at this point not entirely sure if i was still sane or not i heard a knock at the door.
opening it i saw her as i always knew she was. friendly, caring and always with a smile.
"Ya ready to go?" she asked me. at that point i realized who she was and looked back at the chair to see me one last time....and thought of everything i had left. the hate,frustration, loneliness and despair.
"C'mon i know a lot of people who can make Ya feel right at home..."
with that I took her hand and went to a place where everyone is equal. no one is better or worse. and no one hurts you anymore...and she is always there with me as my guide and friend. for all eternity.
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