Become a Fan
When Fairy Tales Collide
By Steve L Reichard
Tuesday, July 23, 2002
The Fairy tale and Comic convention was promptly scheduled for 8 P.M.as I looked at my invitation and smiled.
"I'm finally going to get the dirt on those loveable characters"I thought to myself as I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door.
I arrived in front of the grand ballroom as I stood in awe right there in front of me stood the fairest of them all Snow White.
I grabbed my microphone as I smiled"Hello Ms.White would you care to comment"she stared at me as she smiled.
"Sure thing handsome but let's go back to your place and talk I'm finally free of those 7 dweebs".
I shook my head as I answered"Um don't you mean drawves"she shrugged her shoulders as she smiled"Anyways enough about them let's talk more about you".
I smiled as I spotted the famous giant killer Jack"Um would you excuse me I'm sure we can finish this conversation later".
She nodded as she kissed my cheek"Count on it cutie"and with that she disappeared inside.
I made my way over to Jack as he shook his head"What a day I've went 3 whole hours without a drink".
"What are you complaining about Jack at least your not scattered all over this freakin wall".
I shook my head as I placed the microphone in front of him"So tell me Jack how's life been treating you?"
He shook his head as he sighed"Ever since I chopped down that damn beanstalk my life has been completely miserable".
"Well I'm sorry to hear about that would you care to comment Mr.Dumpty"Well Jack here thinks his life has been miserable what about me I'm scattered all over this wall in a million pieces and I have to constantly hear that damn rhyme".
"You know the one all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put me back together again".
I nodded as he sighed deeply"I swear if I hear that little rhyme again I'm going to hurl".
I shook my head in disbelief as the Big Bad Wolf strolled by"Excuse me but would you care to comment about tonight's festivities?"
"Delighted to and you may want to photograph my left profile they tell me it's my best side".
"I'm here to support my fellow fairy tale beings while at the same time try to get a date with Mary Jane".
"Don't send a spider to do a wolf's job"I shrugged my shoulders as he made his way inside leaving me all alone or so I thought.
"Excuse me down there but could someone tell me when it's my turn to present"I looked up as I saw the famous cow.
"Don't start with the jokes pal yeah yeah I jumped over the moon big freakin whoop".
"It's not like I'm married to a supermodel or I landed on the moon so just pretend I'm not even here ok".
I checked my watch as I smiled"Almost time for the convention to start and I need to reload up on film.
I made my way back to my car as I reached inside and pulled out my camera case"Hello there could I interest you in giving me your first born child in return for a wonderful gold-made-easy kit".
I looked around as a strange little man appeared before me"Let me guess you must be the infamous Rumplestilskin".
"What? how'd you know my name that little pest Tom Thumb told you didn't he?or maybe it was that loudmouth Jack-Be-Nimble".
"He's always shooting off his mouth and jumping over those darn candlesticks"I shook my head as he sighed"Oh well I guess I'll go try my luck on those comic book nerds over yonder".
He disappeared in a cloud of smoke as I grabbed my gear and headed back inside I sat down in my assigned seat as Little Red Riding Hood walked in.
"Sorry I'm late but my grandmother was helping the butcher,the baker,and the candlestick maker".
She sat down in front of me as the 3 little pigs tugged at my jacket"Hey dude we're throwing a little party after this and we'd like you to come.
I nodded as they smiled"Cool it's being held at my brother's house you know the one made from bricks".
"Alright but I really don't know where that is"they shook their heads as they replied"Well it's right beside the Gingerbread Man's house on the same street as the Cowardly Lion".
"Ah we'll just get Hansel and Grettel to show ya"they returned to their seats as the convention began.
After all the awards were handed out it was time to hit the after parties I jumped in my car as I followed the Mystery Machine to the 3 Little Pig's house.
After a brief conversation with Shaggy and Scooby I decided to go inside"These tables appear to be made out of Gingerbread".
"Right you are dude gives a whole new meaning to eating off the table doesn't it?"
The night seemed to go on forever as I checked my watch"I can't believe it's only 11 P.M."I thought to myself as Mary sat down beside me.
"Man are my feet killing me those darn sheep follow me wherever I go it's really putting a damper on my love life".
"So Mary who are you dating if you don't mind me asking"She shook her head as she pointed towards the doorway.
A small boy carrying a staff smiled at her as I shook my head"Little Boy Blue naturally I should have guessed well enjoy yourself Mary".
She nodded as I walked over and sat down next to Mother Goose"Hello Ms.Goose would you care to comment on tonights festivities?"
She shook her head as she answered"Why certainly young man how does my beak look?"
I shook my head as I shrugged"Um it looks fine"she nodded as she smiled"Well I came here tonight to see one person".
"And that would be?"she shrugged her shoulders as she pointed over to the next table.
"All I see is a fisherman"she shook her head as she folded her wings"That's not just a fisherman sonny".
I took another glance as I nodded"You're right that's the Old man of the Sea I wonder where he's been all this time?"
I started to walk over to talk to him when 2 energetic kids grabbed my arm"Hey mister wanna play?"
"Sure but first I have to know what we're playing"they nodded as they smiled"Well we need another player".
They pointed off in the disance to a large field as they smiled"Will you play baseball with us?"
I nodded as I smiled"Sure just give me a few minutes to get ready ok"they nodded as I shook my head.
The game went by quickly as the MVP stood in centerfield"And now the Most Valuable Player award goes to the Heartbreaker Georgie Porgie".
I stared at my teamates as I sighed"Well Yogi we may not have won but it was fun nonetheless".
He nodded as Chip and Dale smiled"Well guys let's get back to the party I spotted a couple of hot chicks back there".
They ran back towards the house as the Pied Piper sat down beside me"Well Mr.Piper do you mind if I ask you something?"
He shook his head as he replied"Not at all go right ahead"I nodded as I answered"I'm sure a lot of people would like to know where you've been all these years".
He smiled as he pointed towards a white van parked near the curb the sign on the back read"Piper's Pest Control".
I shook my head as I smiled"Well you always did have a way of getting rid of things didn't ya?"
He nodded as he walked back towards the house leaving me all alone or so I thought.
"Hello down there"a voice called out as a small green cricket appeared before me"Jimmney Crickets the name and if you need an agent then I'm your guy".
He handed me his card as I read it carefully"Jimmney Cricket's Talent Agency remember Dreams can come True".
I thanked him kindly for the card as I spotted 2 familar faces fly by"Excuse me Mr.Pan I was wondering if I could have a few words with you".
He stopped in mid-flight as he smiled"Sure thing but I feel more comfortable in the air".
Tinkerbell flew over and sprinkled some fairy dust on me as Peter yelled out to me"Let yourself go mister..off to Never Never Land!"
I cleared my mind as I found myself floating high above the ground"Now what exactly did you want to ask me?"
I flew over closer to him as I answered"I was just wondering how you liked tonights festivities".
He smiled as he replied"I really enjoyed myself especially when Hook was dumped in that big tank of water".
"Too bad that alligator wasn't there he had to call in sick strepthroat wouldn't ya know it?"
I nodded as we landed near the house and Peter and the others entered"Well tonight has certainly been memorable I wonder who I will meet next?"
"Wonder no more lad"I turned around as I saw the wealthy Scrooge Mcduck and his nephews standing before me.
"Well Mr.Mcduck how nice it is to see all of you"they nodded as a strange car pulled up to the curb and blew it's horn.
A girl ran quickly out of the house as I looked at the others"Who was that?"Scrooge shook his head as he answered"Why that was Cinderella lad it's almost midnight don't ya know?"
I nodded as Scrooge pointed towards the back of the house"There's a tug-of-war competition out back so let's go laddies".
Huey,Duey,and Luey followed their uncle out back as I followed closely behind them,we sat down on the bench as the two teams entered.
Both teams consisted of several famous characters the White Team was made up of Winnie the Pooh,Snagglepuss,Quick Draw Mcgraw,and Jack&Jill. While the Red Team consisted of Buggs Bunny,Elmer Fudd,Tigger,Peter Cottontail,and Daffy Duck.
The gun sounded as both teams tugged at one another the Red team took an early advantage but the White team came back strong.
Back and forth it went for several minutes until the Red team finally prevailed.
Tigger smiled as he grabbed the trophy and spoke"Playing tug of war is what Tiggers do the best!"
I smiled as I sat back down"Hello there"I turned around as a girl stood before me"My names Goldilocks what's yours?"
"Hey wait a sec you're that reporter aren't ya?"I nodded as she smiled"Well maybe we could have dinner sometime I've always got a lot of porridge laying around".
I shrugged my shoulders as I replied"I don't know maybe"she smiled as she answered"Great now I better go check on those darn bears they're always sleeping in my bed or eating my food the nerve of some people".
She waved goodbye as she disappeared out of sight"Tonight has certainly been a night to remember"I thought to myself as a cold hand touched my shoulder.
"Excuse me but is this the 3 pig's house?"I nodded as I came face to face with yet another popular character"Aren't you Frosty the Snowman?"
He smiled as he replied"Yup that's me now would you be kind enough to point me towards the nearest fridge I'm starting to thaw out don't ya know?"
I nodded as I pointed towards the back of the house"Thanks a lot man I really need to chill".
He made his way into the house as I smiled"This night just keep's getting better and better".
I started to go back inside when I noticed a tail hanging down from the ceiling I reached up and grabbed it as I heard a deep voice call out to me.
"Excuse me but could I have my tail back I know it's not much but it's all I've got".
I nodded as I handed it to him"Eyore right I thought you'd be inside with the rest of those lovable characters from the 100 Acre Wood".
He shook his head as he sighed"Nope I think I'll go down the street and watch some paint dry".
"Well I guess I'll see you around then?"he nodded as he walked off down the road"Gives a whole new meaning to depression don't it?"
I nodded as an arrow pierced my sleeve"He's always down in the dumps must be in his genes or something".
The mysterious figure swung down into the light as I smiled"Well well if it isn't Robin hood and his merry band of men".
He removed his cap as he bowed"Tis I Robin of Locksley and who might you be stranger?"
I shook my head as I replied"I might be the tooth fairy then again I could be the easter bunny ya never know?"
"Impossible naive I know both of them and you don't even bear even the slighest resemblence to either".
"Alright Robin you've got me I'm really a reporter and I'm here interviewing people such as yourself".
He nodded as he smiled"Well then by all means my good man ask me a question,I've always wanted to be on television".
I shrugged my shoulders as Robin smiled"How do I look? do you think everyone in Sherwood Forest will see me?
"Probably not Robin that is unless you've got cable or a satellite"I laughed a little as he answered"Of course doesn't everyone?"
I stared at him as I spoke"Are you telling me that you really do have a satellite?"he nodded as he smiled"Of course I don't know what I'd do without my DirectTv".
I shook my head as I answered"Alright then Robin how about you and your men stand over there by the tree".
They stood by the tree as I snapped a few pictures and grabbed the mic"Alright Robin how about you tell our viewers a little more about yourself".
"Well my names Robin hood I steal from the rich and give to the poor"I nodded as I smiled"Thanks Robin it's been really nice meeting you and I hope you have fun at the party".
He headed inside as I reloaded my camera and turned the corner"I say old chap do you mind?"
I shook my head as he continued"Would you please move back a few feet?"I nodded as 2 more familar characters swooped down to greet me.
"Aren't you the wise old Owl?"he nodded as I smiled"And you're the famous Dumbo well now I've seen everything now that I've seen an elephant fly".
He stared at me with a sigh"Please don't sing that anymore I've got a headache from listening to it already".
"I apologize it won't happen again I promise"he nodded as they made their way inside.
I stretched my arms as I yawned"Gosh it's really starting to get late besides I don't think there's going to be too many more famous characters showing up".
I started to leave when I felt a paw on my shoulder I turned my head as I smiled"Well if it isn't the king of the jungle himself welcome your kingship".
He roared softly as he smiled"It's nice to be here and beides it's great publicity for me".
I shook my head as I replied"Good publicity what are you talking about Simba?"
"Listen pal I've got a new movie coming out so if you wouldn't mind how about letting me plug it right here right now?"
I stepped out of the way as he spoke"Listen all you boys and girls out there how about going out to the theatres and making my movie number 1".
"Even though I'm the main character and obviously the star of the movie every now and then I'll throw a bone to those less fortunate just to show them that I am truly the king".
I grabbed the mic from his paw as he walked off towards the party"And I thought I had seen everything already but a lion doing publicity for his new flick that's definetely something new".
"Yabadabadoooooooo!" I turned around just in time to see those two loveable characters Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble pull up in their new custom made Rockmobile.
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|Reviewed by Tina Cotten
|Reviewed by Donna Maris
|Hahahahahaha This is very entertaining. lol
Did you goose Mother goose?? hahaaha