You come from the work.
But near the home, you have to pass near Bougainvillea plant.
Its curved fingers growing from the main stem catch as usual the sleeve of the shirt you love so much.
You try to free it by pulling, but this time the plant wins and the sleeve loses.
You have a little hole on sleeve's side.
Enough to put a finger through it.
So, you have to decide: to agree that you were wrong trying to free the sleeve in this manner (What! I was wrong! Do you speak with me! Something else, please. And Pronto!)
Or you can sew it.
What do you choose?
Take 1/100,000,000 nano-second to meditate on it and take the obvious choice - You are always right and so sew!
So, that's it. You want to do the work.
A) If you are woman, there is no how in this simple task.
A.1) You just sew. That's all. Nothing to it.
A.2) You just take it to tailoress. That's all. Nothing to it.
A.3) You just take it to your mother. That's all. Nothing to it.
A.4) You wait till your husband or boyfriend returns (you address the first one that comes) and show what they did to your shirt!!
And if he (sorry, of course it could be she too) wants to amend the situation, you even agree that he/she won't go just now to the shop to buy you a new shirt.
You agree to get those 300$ and buy it by yourself (but of course it cost you 300$. For husbands/friends/ insurance companies the cost of loss should always be at least 10 times the real).
A.5) you begin to cry.
Does it help? Do not know.
However, it does not hurt for sure.
B) If you are married man, than may be you can find a woman to sew for you.
B.1) it could be your wife.
-Oh darling, of course. Put it there in the pile. When I'll have time for it I'll go to A.2)[tailoress] or maybe I will ask A.3)[your mother - Oi no!].
The worst is if she decides to go to A.5)[to cry], then you should go to A.4)[300$]
B.2) Or your mother.
She always will like to do it for you.
And she would be deligted to laugh about your "nothing-worth-that-wife-of yours" spouse all the time.
And, by the way, explain why you don't know to raise your children, of course, with such a no-good-mother-at all.
And she will sure tell you how she succeeded to raise you so good, in spite of "help" of your father.
B.3) Or your mother in law.
At least this she could do for you.
But the price!!
It will be very high - unplanned visit or she'll begin to take out from you the reason why B.1)[wife] isn't working.
-Just tell me truthfully at least once, what did you do to my daughter!!!.
You don't want to say?
Then I will not sew for you.
What did you do to her!!! Killer !!
I am going to speak to my daughter by phone.
And after three hours you can take your untouched shirt to try B.1)[wife?]
Most probably, that after this terrified call from her mother, your wife will send you to H.E.L.L.)
So, you can try B.2)[your mother - do you really need the repeat show of what she did last week?]
Of course you can try A.2)[tailoress- how didn't I think about it!] but you don't know the address, so you should ask B.1)[wife - of course. Who else? Why to keep phone books, when she knows everything important by heart. Important to her of course, don't make any plans about finding the phone of place where you'd buy a Swiss-army knife].
Better to give up looking for outside help and buy a new shirt.
It's just 10$.
It's worth your peace of mind.
B.4) Or your girlfriend.
a) If your wife permits you to have one.
b) Or she doesn't check in your wallet for any unexplainable receipts.
c) Or she has one herself.
d) Or if you both have the same one.
In this case they both could sew the sleeve and chat during it.
But then, it would cost you 600$ for shirts for your wife AND girlfriend, as they would be too tired to sew for 4 hours of unstoppable talking.
C) If you are unspoiled by marriage man, then you have a problem.
C.1) To find any girlfriend who would sew for you. Because
a) You need to invite her to the restaurant and today it is just halfway between wage-days.
b) You need to invite her to the disco, but until tomorrow morning, you have to prepare some urgent balances your married boss left for you to cover him up.
c) You need to invite her to you home. But what would you do with your parents?
d) You need to invite her to you home. But as you live alone, you did all the washing and ironing by yourself and now have a headache.
C.2) To do it by yourself.
So, you decided at last to use this manual for acquiring some new skills: sewing.
You find your sewing kit.
You know, that one paper box you took from the Hotel last spring in Las Vegas.
You don't really remember?
Well, that's a box your girls friend from then (wait, what's her name? Ah, doesn't matter) threw on you when you asked her to sew your socks.
Do you remember now?
Then, don't stand like that Monument on Trafalgar Square!
Just go and find it!
And now take out the needle.
You know, that little iron thing that has a very small hole in it.
Fine. Put it aside.
Oh, don't yell on me. I just forgot that you need to take it after the thread.
So, take a thread. Preferable of coulour that matches your shirt.
Yellow thread doesn't match blue shirt.
Go to the fridge and put there a Post-it to go to the eye Doctor to check if you are not Daltonic.
Take the thread.
Now take the needle.
Don't remember were you have put it?
Then go to go to the fridge and put there a Post-it to go to the Doctor to check if you don't suffer from Amnesia.
You don't remember where.
Well, I don't remember too.
Wait, while I go to my fridge to put a Post-it.
I am back.
Did you find the needle?
Well, then take another.
Now put the thread through the hole in it.
Try it once more.
Try not to yawn.
I know that trying for three quarters of hour to put the thread through the hole makes you sleepy.
But, wouldn't you feel good if you'd succeed in this Mission Impossible?
You can do it.
Do you remember Rambo?
He too had to do tough things.
OH. You succeeded.
From the first time!
(After all those unsuccessful ones).
Now you can sew.
Oh. I see you know how to do it.
Cut the rest of the thread.
You can't rise because your sleeve is sewn to your trousers on both legs?
How did you succeed in this?
Go to the fridge and put there a Post-it to phone tomorrow to the Guinness Book of Record and tell them about your one and the only in the whole
world record of imbecility.
You can't move?
Then, I don't know what to do.
Sit there until I will write a manual "How to undress your trousers when you shirt is attached to them).
I will be back soon.
Just some research.
It won't take me long.
A week or two.
Maximum a year..
But i will be back.