All of us have had times in our lives when we've wanted a "second chance". In this story, Susan goes just a little too far...

There was the suitcase, after all, thought Susan. The baby was screaming again. It wanted to take from her; take her time, her strength. It sucked her life slowly away as it slurped up its milk. the milk she had to buy at three bucks a gallon. It was goat's milk that she had to buy because the baby was allergic to everything else. And she had to go off on a special trip every week to a farm twenty miles away. then there were the doctor's bills, because the baby always had something going wrong with it; allergies, colds, rashes. And the constant crying, crying, crying.
And Susan had been thinking, the suitcase would be so, so easy. Still, she wondered if she should discuss it with Robert first. He was due home from work in another hour.
Robert, after all, was the one complaining about how poor they were. And it seemed as if fate had awarded them this solution when they had found that beat-up suitcase at Goodwill last year, though they didn't know it at the time, not until Susan had just seen the way it could be solved. Would Robert agree? When fate gave you that kind of opportunity, you just couldn't walk away. You only got so many chances, after all.

Susan and Robert found the suitcase in a dusty corner at the back of the store, when they had been looking for a crib for the empty nursery.
Susan had grasped it by its handle and held it up to get a better look at it. Dust had slowly floated down from it.
"Robby, it would be perfect for the trip to Mom's," Susan pleaded.
Robert didn't look convinced. He shook his head. "I don't know. It looks a little worn about the edges, Sue."
But in the end, Susan had won, and they left with the scuffed, green and blue checked canvas bag, and without the crib.
susan excitedly packed for the trip some time later. It was decided. She would go to see her parnets before she was too far along in the pregnancy, because after the baby came, it would be impossible financially. Robert had to stay behind to go to work, and wait for her return.
He helped her fold her dresses, her new maternity tops, her brush, her mirror case, and he also slipped an enveloped into the suitcase when Susan wasn't looking. It contained one hundred dollars he'd withdrawn from their meager savings. It was extra money for her, money for "just in case".
Susan was chattering away, trying to decide if she'd need her blue slacks or the brown ones. She flung both pair on the bed.
"Oh Robby. I feel like our life is really starting to begin now," she said.
Robby folded the two pairs of pants and packed them inside the suitcase.
"Why's that? Weren't we living before?" he asked playfully.
But Susan wasn't playing around when she answered. "I've never been on a real trip before, by myself. I know now being married is going to be wonderful."
She arrived safely, her suitcase securely held in one hand. The first thing she did was unpack. Then she called home to see what Robert was doing.
Robert was home, like he should have been. She explained about her first flight, about how smoothe it was, like you weren't even moving.
He listened attentively. At the first break in the conversation, he asked if she'd found the money.
"There wasn't any money," she said.
"Honey, there's a white envelope with five twenties. I put it here myself. You've over-looked it."
Susan shook out all the clothese, she turned the suitcase upside-down and looked in all the pockets. But there was no envelope.
"Are you sure you put that envelope in there? I know I don't have it."
"God, Susan. You must have lost it. Did you open the bag at any time?"
"At the airport, to get my mirror. But I know I didn't see any envelope."
"It's long gone then," Robert said. "It was supposed to be a surprise."
"You mean you gave me that money to spend any way I wanted?" Susan asked. "You did that for me?"
"Of course," he said.
"I wish it hadn't gotten lost."
She couldn't help but look again and again inside the bag. A hundred dollars could buy a new outfit, and perfume and cosmetics, the expensive kind.
She was sure that nothing had fallen out when she'd opened it. And if it had been in the suitcase, it still had to be there...or should have been.

That was the first time it happened. There were many more times after that. Once, a couple that lived in the apartment next door borrowed the suitcase. They lost all of their jewelry on their trip. They thought perhaps it had been stolen when they left their hotel room to go sight-seeing, but what they couldn't figure out was why the theives didn't take anything else. They only stole what had been in the suitcase.
Then there was the time they gave Robert's sister some household items. Susan had packed a few fragile tiems, a clock and some wineglasses, inside the suitcase. She drove the items over to her sister-in-law's house herself. By the time she had driven the tree blocks, the glasses and clock were gone.
The last thing to disappear was their dog, Raisin. Robert was packing for a business trip. He had left the suitcase on the floor, half-packed. Susan had watched as he rummaged through the closet.
"Leave it until morning, Robby," she said. "It's so late. Let's have some coffee and finish in the morning."
Robert agreed. They got their cups and wandered back into the bedroom.
"Isn't he cute?" Susan asked, pointing. Raisin was curled up inside the suitcase. Robert was going to chase the dog out, but Susan stopped him. "I'll pack you another shirt before you leave tomorrow. I promise," she said.
In the morning, they found no trace of Raisin anywhere. There was just the impression of the little dog's body where he had lain. It was then that they suspected that these disappearances weren't coincidental series of misplaced articles. It was then they suspected that the suitcase was "eating" things.
Robert hid the case away in the top of a storage closet. "Don't touch it ever again," he said. He had a funny look on his face for a long time after that.
So the months had passed and Susan finally gave birth to a girl. But she was sooo tired. The days were endless rounds of bottles and diapers and crying. That endless crying.
That was what was jarring her nerves right now, while she wondered if she whould get the suitcase down now or wait for Robby.
She tried to shut up the tiny mouth. She put its pacifier into the pink mouth, but it was promptly spit out. The baby wanted to destroy her. If she could just get way for awhile. Perhaps shop or meet one of her friends in town for lunch. The wailing grew more demanding and she looked down on the little body, shaking with anger.
What had Robert said? Never get it down again? He must have been afraid of the bag. He didn't want to see the suitcase again. So why would he change his mind now?
She had to do it before he came home. Then she'd explain. He could see her side of it then. and there wouldn't be the endless bawls to interrupt her.
She got the bag from its hiding place and placed it on the bed, zipping it open. she brought the squalling baby in and carefully placed the bundle inside the case. Then she left the room, leaving the bag to do its work. She closed the door behind her.

Robert came home at his usual time. There were no sounds of crying when he came in the door. But she hadn't peeked. She would wit for Robert.
"Where's my little angel?" Robert asked, hanging up his coat.
"I'm right here," Susan said. She had her hands clasped behind her back, waiting to unveil the surprise.
"You're my big angel," he said. He kissed her forehead. "I've a present for my little angel. Where's Janey? Sleeping?"
Susan took the package from him. Inside was a brand new rag doll.
"No," she said softly.
"In her room?"
"No."
"With a neighbor then?" A knowing look crossed over his face. "Is she here?" he asked.
"I thought perhaps we needed to start over. We need a fresh start. And I thought that if she would just vanish...Think of it, Robby. We can make something of our lives now. We don't have to live with our mistake. We don't have to be stuck here anymore." She was smiling, adjusting his tie, lovingly grasping his
lapel.
He jerked away from her. "My God...my God," he said, choking the words out. "You didn't."
"We can do anything we want," Susan said brightly.
Robert pushed her aside. When he found the nursery empty, he kicked open their bedroom door.
The suitcase was open, childless. Its sagging plaid sides leaned in on themselves.
Yet, when Susan followed Robert, follwed him as he slowly crept up to the suitcase, she found that she had been wrong about something. It wasn't completely empty as she had thought. The envelope with the five twenties had appeared inside the suitcase. But the numbers and the print were all twisted backwards.
A few days later, the jewelry returned, odd-looking. and a few days after that, the clock and other things returned. she recognized those things, yet they were unrecognizable, too. It was as if all the items had been taken apart and put together again by someone blind.
The dog finally returned. But it was so deformed that it appeared not to be Raisin at all, except for the sad brown eyes. He didn't look as if he'd live very long.
Susan sat alone with the suitcase while Robert was out getting rid of the dog. But he would return soon. Not that that was anything to celebrate, because he wouldn't let her leave this room. He kept the bedroom locked all the time now. He wanted to wait until the baby came back, she knew.
But it didn't really ahve to be that way. She had the suitcase, didn't she? The strange plaid bag seemed a bottomless pit of second chances.
What could stop her from putting it over Robert's head while he slept? She wondered briefly what she would find in the morning. If it worked, he would never interfere with what she wanted to do again. She'd ahve plenty of time to get rid of the bag, too...before what was left of his head came back.
Then again, maybe she'd keep it. the bag, that is. It might be too valuable to just "get rid of". After all, you never knew when you'd need another chance some time.

In addition to her fiction, Carly Wall's nonfiction book, Flower Secrets Revealed (A.R.E. Press) was released last year. This is Carly Wall's first appearance in Aberrations.

Published in Aberrations Magazine
Issue #21
July 1994