There were times when he just plain...got on her nerves! Wherever she went, seems he'd always show up. Like that time a couple of weeks ago when she and her co-workers decided to get together on a Friday evening after work. Boy, was she having a good time! There was food, groovy music and she had a joint of grass in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. She was just about to do a barefoot solo to one of her favorite songs, when out of the blue...there he was. He was standing there with that...that...look that she resented. It wasn't condescending or judgmental...it was...oh! She didn't know what it was, but it irked her to no end. She eventually stalked out with every one staring at her like she had lost her mind.... and...and it had to stop!
She wanted to end the relationship, but for some reason she couldn't. She needed him. Deep down inside, she knew she did. It was scary. And that wasn't the only thing that was bothering her...she was becoming aware of something else; she was 'hurting' him. Yes, that was it! That was the look in his eyes! It was a look of hurt...of disappointment. And though she acted as if she didn't understand why...she did. He was hurt because he had proven himself to her time and time again. Whatever she did, he always forgave...always gave her another chance. He tolerated her spurts of anger and total disrespect, not because he had to, or was supposed to, but because....he loved her. He really did.
There was no question in her mind of how much he cared, and now she was beginning to feel annoyed with herself. She was annoyed because in spite of her admitted confusion at tolerating him when she really didn't want to, something new was occurring that she didn't understand at all...she was, in fact, growing tired. Tired...of taking advantage of him. She was finding it more and more difficult to ignore the fact of how good a friend he continued to be to her in spite of her behavior. Daily, she received from him and took whatever she needed...never giving back anything in return except maybe, a bland 'thanks' every now and then.
Then there was this other 'thing' that was also bothering her lately. She was desperately, but futily trying to stop it but it wouldn't go away. Feelings of 'guilt' were steadily rising up inside of her. No longer able to deny it, she knew he didn't deserve the way she treated him. He hadn't done anything to warrant the hurt she inflicted on him. She definitely enjoyed the fruits of his labor and his bountiful provisions, but then she selfishly expected him to take her shallow treatment. She could no longer convince herself that the worldly jests she hurled at him were painlessly swallowed. This was not true ...she could see it in his eyes.
So it was, that somewhere along the way, in her heated debate with herself, as to what was right and what was wrong, she came to the conclusion that she would at least 'try' to be more tolerant of him. She would make an sincere effort to treat him as well as she treated any of her other 'friends'. And she considered the fact that one didn't deliberately hurt a friend...no, one didn't outlandishly use a friend either. Even though one knew they could and would probably get away with it...they didn't, because they 'valued' the friendship.
But how...she wondered? How could she show him that she appreciated his friendship? He had everything ...really. And anyway, it seemed all he wanted was her. All he desired from her was that she should 'try' to love him in return.
She took it slow...one day at a time. Change was not going to come over night. She figured the first step should be to acknowledge to him that she had treated him wrong. She asked him to forgive her for all the times she hurt him. She admitted to him that she wanted him....for the rest of her life...she wanted him! She promised that she would try to never again 'deliberately' hurt him. She might 'err' being human, but never again would she blatantly and unashamedly stomp on the sacrifice of his love for her.
And little by little...as she came to know him better, she became more 'accepting' of him. His attention that she once spurned, was now beginning to be sort after. Her feelings for him grew to the point where his constant presence was expected...enjoyed...even relished As they continued to draw closer and closer, she soon found herself going out of her way to do things that pleased and delighted him.
However, the ultimate thing that happened was too wonderful! And it was something that pleased them both very much. She didn't know when, or even exactly how it had happened...but one day she found herself...totally in love with him! His name....? Jesus.
copyright; 09/06/09(edited 9/13/10)jmsbell