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Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

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By Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Thursday, August 30, 2012

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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A woman lives on pain killers.

I don't know what I wouldn't do if I had my pills.  I would probably be scratching my eyes out or pulling out my hair, or at least hollering in pain.  I live with pain 24/7, 365 days a year: there is no real break in it unless I take my Dilaudid and Vicodin for the pain.

I have chronic back problems stemming from a bad fall I took last year.  Ever since, I have been unable to work and have had to apply for disability (denied; am fighting onw nto get it appealed).  I used to be active: now I can hardly get out of bed most mornings and have had to resort to walking with assistance.  Sometimes the pain is so bad it nearly takes my breath away.

I have gained quite a bit of weight: I'm no longer the same person.  I look in the mirror, and I see an older woman staring back at me, although I am in my middle forties.  My hair has gone totally gray and I look terrible.  I look older than my mother, who is in her sixties.

I try to do things, but again, the pain I suffer rules my life.  That is why I have my pain medication.  If I didn't have them, I would be in bed or wishing that someone could just kill me, so I wouldn't have to suffer any longer.

My husband has had to take over taking care of the kids or doing most of the chores; I can only do light duty work (and that is if my back ins't acting up, which it usually is).  I feel horrible that I have had to put him (and my kids) through this, but I'm sorry.  I can't help it.  My back is too bad and the pain I suffer is far too great.

People say I am addicted to my medications.  I take anywhere from two Vicadin to two Dilaudids every day; sometimes even more than that.  People say it's a wonder I am not in a coma.  I have tried taking one of each (once every four hours or as needed), but one pill (pills) just don't touch it.  So I take two.  Maybe I'm wrecking my own health doing this, but I have to have SOME relief!!

My husband says if I don't stop he is going to take me to my doctor's and report me.  I hope he doesn't; all I'm asking is for some relief from the crippling ongoing pain that I contiually suffer!!  Is that too much to ask for??

~To be continued.~ 

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Reviewed by Michelle Kidwell Power In The Pen 10/28/2012
Sad, but well done
in Christs Love
Reviewed by Paul Berube 8/31/2012
I agree, sad! But well done, too.
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 8/30/2012
Sad ... well done, Karen.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

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Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

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