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Lonnie Hicks

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Books by Lonnie Hicks
Whose Copies Are These?
By Lonnie Hicks
Posted: Monday, November 28, 2011
Last edited: Thursday, May 01, 2014
This short story is rated "PG13" by the Author.
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All in dark good humor.

Miss Rogers entered the office of the office manager Mr. Gains on that day with some apprehension. What could he want with her?

She took a seat across from him as he studied his fingernails looking like a cobra taking his time before the strike sure of himself in that this prey would be no bother.

"Miss Rogers, you understand," he began, "that this office runs on rules, serious rules especially those which border on the rules of decency. We take these rules very seriously here as they protect our workers here from bad experiences especially those of a salacious nature.

Do follow me Miss Rogers?"

She nodded not knowing what he was talking about. Suddenly she noticed him looking at her chest and she began the thought that he was talking about her chest. Was she wearing a bra that was too tight, was she wearing a blouse too tight?"

No, she was careful never to do that. She made that mistake in junior high; never to reveal her chest too much because the girls hated you and the boys took it as an open invitation. So she covered up. She was covered up today.

She glanced down just to make sure some button hadn't popped open. Nothing was amiss. She looked back up to stare at his beady eyes now filled with evil glee mixed with bold looks at her chest.

Pulling out a zerox copy from a manila envelope he slowly slid out the copy and placed it slightly raised before him, raised such that she could not see what it was.

"I just want to say that I have no malice against you Miss Rogers personally but this behavior is not acceptable in this office and might cause us to let you go."

"Do you understand?" he said looking at her

"No I don't," Miss Rogers said.

"Well" he said languidly "I have here a copy of a photo of a woman's breast. Some one in the dead of night, presumbably, went to zerox copy room and undressed from the waist down made a copy of their breasts.

"Funny to some," he said "but not funny to us here at Allied."

Miss Rogers blushed at his bluntness and leaned forward to get look at the photo.

He withdrew another photo from the envelope and slid that one slowly  across the desk toward her.

She couldn't reach it and so had to get up slightly come over to retrieve it all the while noticing Mr. Gains lustful look at her chest as she leaned over.

The photo in hand she gazed intently at it, puzzled at what she was looking at.

Meantime, Mr. Gains was saying. "There can be no mistake you are the only one who is this endowed in this office. There can be no mistake."

Miss Rogers vision on the photo grew more acute and then she spoke slowing saying "Sir, this is not a photo of my chest."

Mr Gains said "Now please don't try to deny this. There can be no mistake."

"No," sir Miss Rogers was saying, "this is not a photo copy of my chest." She was now starting to snicker and that became a growing peal of laughter.

Mr. Gains was out his chair angry that she was laughing him.

"What is so funny Miss Rogers?"

"That," she stammered "is not a photo of my chest."

"That sir, she said through her laugher "is a photo of someones' butt."

Mr. Gains froze looking again at the photo in his hand and back at the one she held in her hand incredulous. But then the slow recognition came into his face as she said

"Notice sir these ah.. breasts have no nipples." These are not breasts sir. They are someone's rear end."

Gains started to sit down in shock and began to stammer a muted apology.

"And sir." Miss Roger's said "you now have the task of having to call a staff meeting  and have people drop their trousers and see just whose butt matches this photo."

She was laughing as she told her story.

"And you will have to confess that you sir could not tell the difference between breasts and a butt. I gather it has been a long time since you have seen breasts?"

"I have to investigate this further and get back to you." Gains said.

"You do that sir meantime I will give warning to everyone here that a butt inspection is coming. People will pay money to see that."

She then turned on her heels and burst out of his office eager to spread the news to the water cooler gang relishing the possibility that for the first time in history a rear end was going to be inspecting rear-ends."


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Reviewed by m j hollingshead 6/17/2014

good one

Reviewed by Morgan McFinn 1/28/2012

Funny piece, Lonnie. Loved the last line!
Reviewed by Patrick Granfors 12/9/2011
Now I don't think this is so dark. But it sure is funny! This needs to be part of a screenplay. Patrick
Reviewed by Janna Hill 11/28/2011

:) Janna
Reviewed by J Howard 11/28/2011
i can not imagine it in my minds eye, but how funny...waaaay funny. i am smiling now...ok, smirking now. way to go Lonnie!
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 11/28/2011
Giggle.....serves him right!!!! Hilarious story, Lonnie!


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