Will my parents ever trust me again?? Will they ever forgive me for putting them through this??
Thank God the medical staff is through with their fun and games but now one is starting an IV in my left arm. I wince as the needle goes in, but then, a second later, the pain goes. I then feel cold, so a nurse covers me with a nice, thick blanket. I feel better, as the blanket has covered my nakedness: I don't feel as vulnerable.
I am ashamed to look at my mom and dad. I know they must be very disappointed in me. I don't blame them. I had absolutely no business whatsoever in going out looking like a hoochie-mama, and now I am paying the price. This isn't the first time I've snuck out, just so I could find a boy to have sex with. I'm not the sweet, innocent, young virgin-girl that they thought I was ...
Now I lie here, shaking-scared. What if one of the punks who gang-raped me had something like syphillis? Herpes? Or worse, AIDS or MRSA?? What would I do then?? What if I ended up pregnant by one of those hoons??
I don't know when I've cried (or vomited) so much. I am extremely nauseated. I ask the nurse for something to curb the gross feeling in my stomach: I'm scared that I will throw up all over. She gives me a shot of something; soon the scene starts swimming before my eyes and I mercifully black out as I go to sleep ...
I wake up later. I'm now in a hospital room, in the pediatric wing. I know the doctor will come in and ask me questions. Gobs of questions. Personal questions. I suddenly wish I were four years old again instead of a wordly sixteen. Four-year-olds don't have the problems I do and they are so innocent, so sweet. Like my baby sister, Corinthe, who is four and a little doll.
I know Mom and Daddy are angry with me. How many times have they told me the dangers of teen sex? Too many, I'm afraid, yet I got tired of being treated like a little girl, so I went out behind their back, to have sex, so I could feel more "grown up". Well, they have the last laugh on me because I've screwed up big time and I don't know if I can ever live with myself. I feel tainted, cheap, truly ashamed.
Being dead has got to be better than what I am currently facing ... my life, my life as I knew it, is over!! O, God, why did I make such a huge mess out of my life?? Why can't I erase this situation and start all over????
~To be continued.~