Chapter Twelve:

“He asked me.” Sienna nearly shouted into the phone.   Her best friend Miranda was on the other end.  “I am still a little frightened, a little nervous, but I am so happy he asked me.  It looks like I will be going to the Senior prom after all.”

“I knew he would ask, I told you I would give him subtle hints.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, and being nervous is totally okay, especially after all you went through, but you are going Sienna, you are not going to let this monster keep controlling you.  I know you have moments when you are frightened, but you are going.”

“Don’t worry Miranda, I wasn’t planning on not going.  I have been waiting for this day for to long.”

“Like our whole high school careers.”

“Exactly, maybe even longer than that.”

“If you get to frightened though Sienna, you know you can come and talk to me. We’re all going as a group so that should make things easier.”

“Yeah I think your right.  At least I know there will be room for my chair in the limo.”

“I can’t believe your Mom did that for us.” Miranda said.

“I can, she always loves doing things for anyone she can.  My Mom is so giving.”

“You got that right.”

Sienna knew she was blessed to have such a loving generous Mother, and she tried her best never to take that for granted.  Unlike her Father, her Mother did not run away when trouble reared its ugly head, instead she faced it, and did her best to help her girls through it.  She could not understand why her Father had to leave, all these years later she still could not understand. 

I have to stop being bitter at him for leaving.  I know he was frightened, terrified even, we all were, and I know he just could not handle it, so Lord please help me to be able to forgive him.  If I do not forgive him I am taking up room in my heart that could be filled with love I understand that Lord and I want better than that.  I want to be a stronger Christian than that.

Sienna let her mind come back to the present, focus on what Miranda was saying.  She was so excited for Sienna, and the truth was Sienna was excited too.

She had a date, she was going to the prom, with the boy she liked, perhaps even loved.  Sienna was not sure what she felt, because the truth was she had never really known loved before, but maybe this was it.  Maybe she did love him Sienna was so unsure, the one thing she was certain of was that she had never felt this way before.  Sienna had been sure if she would ever allow herself to feel this way, but here she was, wondering if she was in love, in love at seventeen.

Sienna had never even really dated, she had guy friends growing up, but none that made her feel the way Chad made her feel, it was a confusing feeling because she had never had this feeling before.

“I am glad you had me get that dress Miranda, I can’t believe I am actually going to get to wear it, that I really am going to have a date.”

“Sienna your still the same person you were before, the accident, or what happened to you before, did not change the wonderful person you are, and you’re still beautiful.  Chad would have to have been blind not to see that.”

“I know that Miranda, but there are times I feel like I have been branded with a scarlet letter for what happened to me.  I know it’s silly and hardly anyone knows, but it’s hard to explain the feeling, it’s just there.”

“I understand Sienna, and I am not going to pretend to know what you and Kelsea went through, but I am going to tell you that I am here for you, I will remind you that a thousand times a day if I have to.”

“Thank you Miranda.”

“Sienna I know if the roles were reversed you would do the same thing.”

“I thank the Lord that you didn’t have to go through the things I went through.”

“I am sorry you had to live through that, I really am.”

“I know you are Miranda, but none of it was your fault.”

“I know, I just can’t believe that people do such things.  I mean you hear about it all the time, but it’s not supposed to happen to someone you know, someone you care about.”

“Like you’re not supposed to be shot, simply for going to the store Miranda, but bad thing happen, that doesn’t lessen God’s goodness though, he can turn something dark around.”

“I know Sienna, and why are you the one cheering me up?  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Miranda asked her best friend.

After she and Miranda hung up, Sienna found herself going to the closest, fingering the dress, she was going to wear in less than a week.  Chad was going to the prom with her.  It was an answer to prayer, and she was still so afraid, what if he thought of her differently now that she was in the chair, and what happened to her before, she certainly could not tell him about that.  Chad would certainly go running, and the truth was she wouldn’t blame him.

It had taken her over ten years of friendship to tell Miranda, it was not something you just talked about to anyone.  Even if she had wanted too Sienna, could not just tell her story, for one thing she remembered only bits and pieces of it, and for another it was simply too painful.

Lord why am I focusing so much on this.  Why am I being so afraid? I don’t know how Chad will act if he finds out, but I am not going to tell him on prom night, so I don’t know what the big deal is.  And I know he does not think of me any differently than he did before, because of the chair, because he has shown me that.

Sienna opened her Bible reading and rereading James 1, amazed at how relevant those words were to her life today.  She knew the Bible was the guide way to life, but there were times, when a chapter or verse stuck out to you more than others, when something in God’s word just spoke to your heart in an amazing way.

James 1

 ¹ James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,

   To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:

   Greetings.

Trials and Temptations

 ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

 ⁹ Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. ¹⁰ But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹ For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

 ¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

 ¹³ When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

 ¹⁶ Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ¹⁸ He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

 ¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. ²¹ Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

 ²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵ But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

 ²⁶ Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. ²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Sienna closed her Bible and laid her head on desk, letting the words sink in, letting everything that had happened this past few days, these past few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions, the past few months had been.

Sometimes Lord I still have trouble making sense of everything, sometimes I wonder about the trials I have to face, but Lord I know you are in control.  I know no matter what you love me, you loved me so much you sent your only son to die for me, and that is just amazing, you have an amazing love Lord, and you are showing to trust, and to Hope.  I am learning to that Hope has Shades, some lighter, some darker, but hope is hope, and our hope lies in you, and that is where I lay my hope yet.

After Sienna finished praying, she flipped on the television to see if anything good was on.  But she found nothing really, so she opened a book.  For a few moments, she would escape into a different world, into the characters world in her novel, she loved the way a good book made her feel, and that was probably a large part of the reason she did so well in school, that and a lot of praying.

Anything good Sienna had become she owed it to the Lord, because she knew that without him she would not have made it this far.  She would not have survived what happened to her as a little girl, let alone being shot.

Lord you must really have something amazing planned for my life, the way Satan keeps trying to attack me.  I have to show him that he does not have that kind of power over me Lord, but I am going to need your help to do that.  I cannot do this alone Lord.