Dear Journal~

Sorry if I haven't written in a while: spent some time in the hospital: was having serious problems trying to control my diabetes.  The blood sugar was either running too high (which caused me to go into near coma status) or too low (which made me extremely weak, shaky, and almost to the point of collapse).  

The doc has amped my insulin intake: I have to take it six times now as opposed to five times and he is keeping an eye on my feet.  My feet and legs have been giving me problems: they are numb, yet the bottoms of my feet feel like I'm walking on glass.  The pain is incredible at times.  This is what is known as diabetic-onset neuropathy (spelling??).

I use a cane now, so as to take some of the weight off of my feet and legs.  It helps somewhat.

My legs have feel heavy and they hurt too.  Getting bad circulation.  Wonderful ... NOT!! I don't want to lose my legs; bad enough having diabetes: I don't need to be an amputee too, on top of it!!

I am doing a little better, but I hate having to check my stupid sugar levels every few hours (more often if I am having a high or a low)!  My poor fingers are so sore and abused and covered with bruises it's not funny!! And I hate using my body like a human pincushion when I give myself the shots (if I can't, then Rainbow does it for me)!

Rainbow is doing great: it's me who's not worth a darn!

Myles, Rainbow's son, is doing fantastic: he's doing great in school: he's now in middle school and loves it.  He is incredibly smart (just like his mamma!).  He's pushing 6'2", even though he is only 12 years old.  He takes after his daddy, Patton, who is 7'1" tall.  Patton EagleFeather reminds me of a tree: he's super-tall!

I just wish Myles could have met my Karla Jean when she was alive!  I bet they would have been the best of pals!  Hard to believe that Karla has been gone nearly six years now: if she were still alive, she would be turning 22 years old this year.  I still miss her as much now as I did on the day she died, but at least now I'm able to talk about her without falling to pieces!

The weather is snowy and cold: temps in the 30's and 40's for high's, with lows ranging in the lower teens to near 20 at night.  Snowing now as I write this; makes me cold just looking at the flakes floating from the sky.  I am sitting here in the livingroom, wrapped up in a nice, thick, woolen blanket and drinking a piping hot cup of toddy.  It's very good.  I love tea; always have, always will.  And it's good for you, too.

Rainbow and Myles are outside, playing in the snow.  I can see them in the yard, laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.  They are really having a great time.  Kinda makes me sad because I wish I could get out too, but my diabetes is too crazy, so I don't take any crazy chances.  About the only time I get out is when I see my doctors or if I go out to eat with Rainbow and Myles, but even then I have to be careful as to what I eat.

It reminds me of when Karla was still alive.  I used to do the same thing with her when she was small (and not so sick).  She really enjoyed the cold winds blowing on her fat little cheeks and making snow angels; making snow angels was her favorite.  I sometimes called Karla "My Little Snow Angel" (and she WAS).

Well, I'd best check my sugar again and take my last dose of insulin.  How much I get depends on the reading.  Hopefully it's running within the normal range; I've been trying to eat the right things, so as to not upset it.  I will write in here again soon; sorry it's been so long, but now you know.  Just say some prayers for me; I could really use a break from this darn diabetes!

~Love, your friend in Arizona, Wyndi Storm.  :)