My mother died two years ago.  Cancer.  She would have been 40 years old yesterday.  I miss her as much now as I did on the day she died and find myself wishing that I could have traded places with her.  She didn't even live six months after being diagnosed.  It started in her pancreas, then went to her liver, kidneys, and brain.

Mom suffered terribly.  It broke my heart to see her going so fast.  

Anyway, Mom loved sunflowers.  We had a whole mess of them in our backyard; they always made her happy.  Every day the weather was nice, Mom would be puttering around in her yard, talking to the flowers as if they were her children, taking loving care of them, making sure they were watered and fed.  She gave me and my sister (Gloria) a love for all things natural; it's not suprising we love flowers as well; we got that from Mom.

Then she got sick.  We made a promise to Mom that if she were to die, we would carry on her love for sunflowers and take care of her "babies".  We have done exactly that.  Our sunflowers are big and blooming like crazy this year: there are so many of them!  Mom must be proud; that's why the flowers are doing so well this year.

Yesterday we went to the cemetary to pay our respects to Mom; we also brought her several of the biggest, brightest sunflowers to put in the vase by the grave.  We talked to her and cried.  We have since accepted her death, but it still hurts, especially since Mom died so young.  

It just doesn't seem fair.  I wish Mom could have lived a lot longer than she did, but God wanted her, so she's probably in Heaven, somewhere, planting sunflowers in Jesus' Holy Garden.  It's not right that she went sooner than grandmother, who has all sorts of health problems and doesn't take care of herself.  Mom took meticulous care of herself until the cancer hit, and the cancer stole her from our lives.

Well, I am going to go and putter around in Mom's garden and say hello to her sunflowers.  It may keep my mind off things, but then again, it may make me think of her more.  I just got to get out of the house and do something before this darned grief drives me crazy!