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Rebekah Rosie Lang

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My Second Trip into Heaven-(includes a sensitive subject matter about a suicide attempt)
By Rebekah Rosie Lang
Thursday, October 28, 2004

Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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I hope you read and enjoy this one today. I did not know what to classify this under-Religion because of going into Heaven or Psychology because of the Major Depression I had in the year 2001 and tried to really commit suicide and ended up in a coma.

I hope this intriques you enough to read my story which is quite long but worth the read. I think I shall follow William Walkers advice and try and write a book about these two happenings.

My Second Trip into Heaven!

 

 

My second trip into Heaven happened in June of 2001. More specifically, from June 4th to June 10th, I believe, of the year 2001. It was a tremendous and torturous time for me. I had moved to where my Dad and his wife and my step-brother were living. I lived in an apartment near there, me and my dog, Foxxy.

 

It was very different, having to take Foxxy out at all odd times of the day to go and “do her thing”, as you would politely say! (grin) Yet, I would never go out past 9:30pm. When I first started walking Foxxy, I am a late night person and sleep late in the morning, usually. I would sometimes take Foxxy out to “do her thing” around 11-midnight. I found out real quick that that is the Wrong time to Walk the Dog!  That was when the homeless started to come out and hang out by the bus stop at the corner, and they bothered me on several occasions. A few times they just wanted to pet my dog, Foxxy but sometimes a few of them would demand a dinner from me, etc. It got to be very rowdy at times so I got a stick that I carried with me as I walked my dog. That ended that! Now, Foxxy just holds it in after 9:30pm but then I HAVE to get up by 4:30 or 5am and let her out to “do her thing” again in the morning! She is my princess!  I looked on the Dog chart today, since Foxxy is 10 yrs, it would make her the equivalent in our age of in between 55-60 years. Now, I understand why she is so Grumpy at times!

 

I paid for everything on my own, I was self-supporting thanks to the government and Social security disability, that is! I am still on it to this day but hope to get a job once something can be done for my second lesion on the left side of the skull. (Please read about my first story, “My trip into Heaven-first time” to get background information on my brain lesions and health problems.)

 

I had been Majorly Depressed for several months before the night of June 4th, 2001. I had not been eating and had just been talking to my one and only true friend from Canada, Julie. She was from the Hydrocephalus Association and the List group on the Website that met every day and talked all the time by email. I knew in my heart I was in trouble because I was sending her my most precious documents in the world! It was my journals that I had kept, that were HAND-written in, from ages ten to twenty-seven, before I started keeping a journal of personal notes on the computer. I mailed them to her about one week before June the 4th, 2001. I could not stop myself from sending the journals to her. I told her to “Please write a famous book about me once a die!” She did not stop me from trying to die. We had a pact about it. She was ill too with a brain tumor. We both understood the other’s quest for peace and the right not to have to fight any longer. We were both very tired of just living.

 

 

While being depressed, my neurologist, who happens to be One of the Top Neurologists in the Country, said I should get tested by a Neuro-psychologist for he feared there might be some damage due to All the brain shunt revisions that I have had. So, my neurologist referred me and about 5 weeks before June 4th I started testing with this Neuro-Psychologist guy. He seemed okay and he had his assistant doing the tests. I talked with the Neuro-Psychologist only a little bit. I ended up doing all the tests and was very nervous about it all. On my birthday, June 5th, 2001, My Momma and Elaine Henry, my step-momma were going to meet with him and go over the results of the test and then she was going to call me and let me know what he said. Well, it did not turn out that way……..

On the night of June 4th, 2001, I had been trading some prescriptions with other members on the American Brain Tumor Association’s Network of email. We would regularly trade prescriptions and mail them to each other if one person was out of them & they had extra left over of their prescription. Yet, it could be that someone has died and the prescription was not going to be used anymore and instead of throwing it out, that good person decided to advertise on the email List-serve and someone wrote to them first and gave them their address and therefore got the medication and saved on money at the pharmacy! It worked really quite well! I have not been a member of the American Brain Tumor Association for 6 years and just signed up again recently with the diagnosis of my skull lesion. I do NOT plan on trading prescriptions anymore though, however!

I had received a Carbatrol prescription which means that it acts like tegretol which basically means it controls seizures. I was bored and wanted to sleep and a little hungry. I felt like I was all alone and that no one loved me. (I did not realize, until September 7th, 2004 that I have family that loves me and my Momma loves me and Most importantly, I love myself! )

So, on the night of June 4th, 2001 I ate a square piece of lasagna that my Momma had given me that weekend when I saw her at her house in Southlake, Texas. (she has since moved) I washed it down with grape juice. Then, I swallowed 300 Carbatrol pills and took about 3 sleeping pills.(Ambien or Trazedone)  I did this all after I had taken the dog for a final walk to “do her stuff”. I had wanted her to be safe. To be honest, I just thought I would wake up in the morning like I always do! It never even OCCURRED to me that something might go wrong!


When I woke up, my sister Kristina was standing over me. I was so scared because my hands were tied to bedrails and I had a tube down my throat. There was tape just plastered over my mouth, completely! I wanted to pull at the tube but could not, hence that is why the nurses tie your hands to the bed rails! I just had a gown lightly draped over me. The male nurse came over and said, “Well, we thought you were Never going to wake up!” The thing is, he was not laughing! He meant every single word of it too! He said then, “I hope you do not have any damage!” Talk about having your waking moments ruined! Momma then came over and ooed and awed over me and told me a little of what had happened while the male nurse prepared to take the tube out of my throat.


Momma said that on June 5th, 2001 her and Elaine met at the Neuro-Psychologist’s office and they discussed my results. The testing said that because of my craniotomy and 14 shunt revisions, I now have an IQ of 77. (It has since been retested in 2003 when I was not so depressed and it came up to an 88.) Momma said that could not be because of all the beautiful and wonderful poetry I write. She would not believe it. Elaine was more apt to believe it. She had seen things that Momma had just over-looked, I suppose. He also said I was very suicidal and needed to be locked up and watched for 24 hours a day. He did not know how right he was. He then explained my motor function skills, etc. I think it was just all too much for Momma because she Did not even get a copy of the report and take it home with her to give to me! Say I had not tried to kill myself, I would have been very upset by her not allowing me to look at the report! That is in the past though, what is done is done. Momma said she tried to call me later in the day but no one answered. She tried again that evening. So, she then called Elaine to say, “Why don’t you drive over there and check on Becca for me?” Elaine said sure. Momma thought all was ok and so the next day, June 6th, 2001 she tried to call me again, two different times and no one answered. She called back Elaine and said, “When you went over last night, didn’t Becca answer the door? I cannot get a hold of her this morning!” To which Elaine replied, “Well, I only drove by there and her car was in the parking lot.”  Can you believe that! I was astonished when I heard that! Talk about manners! Well, Momma told her something fierce, she said to go over and OPEN the door and Check on me right Away! Elaine had a key to my apartment and the alarm code since she lived so very close.


Well, as Elaine stated to me a couple weeks later, the scene inside looked awful. I was in one position on the bed. I had regurgitated the pills I had tried to swallow, but I had taken the sleeping pills and so I was asleep and did not KNOW to get up and go to the Bathroom! The pills and bile/vomit went up and then right back down, but instead of going into my stomach, IT WENT INTO MY RIGHT LUNG! Apparently, that caused some Major damage and I got Pneumonia! It is a very special form of Pneumonia for these types of circumstances only. Ever since that time, I have to take two Zantac a day, morning and evening with meals because of the acid reflux. I can live with that though, better to be alive than six feet under! The ambulance people did not want to move me because my Blood pressure reading was at 53/23. They kept me strapped to a board. Finally, my Sister Julie had called Zale Lipshy University Hospital and I was taken by the Care flight Helicopter to Zale. 

I developed a sore on my back because I was in one position for such a very long time and no one ever came to get me until the afternoon of the 6th of June and I swallowed the pills on the evening of the 4th of June. THEREFORE, I had a bedsore on my back and it hurt like thedickensto even move! Momma told me that I was asleep from June 4th to June 9th ,2001. My 3 older sisters were all there, except for Anna who was living in Minnesota at the time with her husband Jeff and two younger boys. (me, an Aunt!) I was in a Full-fledged Coma. Momma said it was really DISGUSTING to watch the nurses have to go over and suck out spit, etc out of my mouth every 30 minutes. I have gained a New Appreciation for Nurses, male or Female. Julie said that while I lay sleeping, every time she would say the word, “Foxxy”, which is the name of my Dog, my body would start to move uncontrollably in a few places and then it would stop. Julie brought over some music to play on a CD player and she said that relaxed me too while I was in the coma.

I woke up on June 9th, 2001. After the male nurse took the tube out of my throat, I could barely talk. Then, things started coming back to me in a haze/daze. It took me awhile to finally tell my sister, Kristina, that I had overdosed on Carbatrol. She got really mad at me for that. Her opinion, which she states does not have to be mine, but her opinion is that God gave you life and NO ONE has the right to take it away except for God. My other sister Julie was upset by this too but her reaction was to just start crying because she told me, “Oh Becca, you must have been in so much turmoil and Pain. The family needs to work on communication skills. We are all in this together. It is not just Momma and you alone.”  I felt so relieved when she said that.

 

I was very down that day because I had woken up and found I was not in heaven anymore and had come back to this crappy place known as Earth! (Bush vs. Kerry, now that is a crappy situation!) (grin)

I was so much aglow and alive with the spirit of our Heavenly Father, God, while in Heaven. After I had swallowed the pills, sleeping pills and washed it all down with Kool-Aid, I went to bed and closed my eyes. Suddenly, I was flying thru the sky to the North Eastern States of the United States. I had wondered where I was going to then when I saw the mailbox as I and my spirit guide entered the house, I knew we were at my Mentor and Best friends house, Dr. Bernie S. Siegel.  My loving name for him is “Bdad” for my Dad I never really got to know all that well. I wish my Dad would come and visit more but he does not. So, Bernie sort of acts as a “CD” meaning “Chosen Dad”. God Bless him for that! He was right there when I needed him! I truly believe that Dr. Bernie S. Siegel is “Of God.” He is most definitely an angel in costume.

I wandered around his house and saw his day to day activities. He keeps busy! My spirit guide, I did not catch her name. I asked what her name was and he said, “Don’t you mean, my name?”I am a man! I was still perplexed and thought, gnaw, it couldn’t be God himself! He then just winked at me and said, we have looked enough, it is time to go now. I wondered where in tar nation we were going now and why I was not in my apartment back in Garland! We arrived at Garland Baylor Hospital. I actually saw myself strapped to the board on the ambulance carrier and them being afraid to move me for fear I would die. Momma said that Garland Baylor Hospital was preparing Momma for my death and wanted her to sign Organ Donation card, No Code card, etc. That is what taking too many pills does to ones family! It puts them through pure hell not knowing if you will live or die. Most who had taken the amount of Carbatrol I had, would have died already. I am the lucky one. I survived and about after 4 months, I could walk without my bedsore on my back ever bothering me again!


Then, I remember flying with my guide, Outside of the Helicopter, as it was taking ME to Zale Lipshy University Hospital. It was only about 20 minutes away by Helicopter, from downtown Garland to Zale Lipshy University Hospital which is right near Downtown Dallas.  I remember floating above my body and watching as the nurses and doctors got prepared for my arrival and then when they put the tube down my left lung so I could breathe. I was hooked up to a ventilator and all. It was NOT Fun and I never, ever want to do that again! As the technicians would move me from room to room, I would hover above my bed, and watch the world of medicine go by. My bed was propped up real high on more than one occasion because of my hydrocephalus and the fact that I had pneumonia and needed to breathe normally and they, the doctors, did not want me to lay down at all! On a few occasions, I would see other patients floating around the hospital as well. I was too afraid to ask anyone about what might be happening to ourselves or them in particular.


I figure the day would have had to have been June 8th, 2001 because the next day I woke up which was the 9th of June, 2001 and was then fully awake on the 10th of June, 2001. I then spent another two weeks in the hospital recuperating and having Physical Therapy come in and help me with some Back Exercises. Then, I got to go home and start the Psychology process over with a different doctor who was very good. I had to quit seeing him though, he referred me out and then I had the best psychiatrist at Timberlawn at the Outpatient offices in Las Colinas, Texas which is right near Irving, Texas. I am not allowed to see her anymore though, office policy says if you miss more than 3 appointments and do not call 24 hours in advance to cancel, then you must go back to your primary care doctor or insurance company to find another psychiatrist near you. Great, huh?

On this very last day, I had my male spirit guide companion again. He said for me to ask again who he was. So, I said, “Who are you?” He replied with scripture and then I realized it was God himself, or Jesus as some might call him. To me, God and Jesus are of the same. I believe in things a little differently than most, I guess, but I still believe and follow my heart and have a heaping plate full of Faith, with plenty for everyone! He asked me who I wanted to see most in this world right now. I replied,” My Uncle John Boy who Died in 1991 from a motorcycle injury.”  He was driving too fast and lost control of the bike. He was even wearing a helmet and protective gear too!


So, abruptly, I was in this magnificent garden of flowers! The colors were transcendent!
Light blue, Dark blue, Sea blue, green, mauve green, licorice green, pale green, forrest green, and the list went on and on and on…….!  I had never seen so many different variety types of plants with the most instantaneous colors on them! It looked like those photo shots for Kodak film that always look so pristine and nothing is ever out of place! The colors are perfect and the lighting is just right in the Kodak picture films! Well, the garden was just like this! Suddenly, out walked a man that I thought might be John Boy, but was not sure. He looked much younger. He stared at me and said, “Boo? “ I said, “Bubba?” Then we both just smiled and hugged each other tight as can be. We talked for what must have been hours or days even! Heck, maybe the Whole time I was in a coma I was talking to Bubba! He asked how Granny took the news for he was in a training seminar. I said she held up strong but broke down in tears afterwards, of course. He asked how my life was going and he KNEW what I had done and why I was at the hospital but he was sworn not to tell and that I had to come to the information once I woke up on my own.

 

Then, as he and I were saying our “Good-Byes”, I was suddenly swished over to the man that was my spirit guide and we had a long talk. He told me I could die then, but that I would leave the family in a horrid state of pain and anguish! I started to feel terribly guilty. He then said that I could go back to earth, but I would have to endure More suffering, medically speaking. I asked for how much longer I would be trapped on the earth and he said, “Like your poem states, Rebecca, “In time, In time.”

 

I felt the pit of my stomach drop out of sight, down to my feet really. I was full of heartache between dieing and ending my life which was so full of pain already, or going back to earth and my life that was already there, and enduring more  “Hell” as you would say, medically speaking! Yet, I thought that if I died I would probably get sent right back to earth to do the exact same thing over again so I went ahead and told God to send me back to Earth. He was very pleased with my decision and he said, “I knew you would make the right choice, Rebecca.” Then, I suddenly opened my eyes in ICU with the tube in my mouth!

Written by Becca E Henry, October 28th, 2004 at 2am CST, All rights reserved!

 






 

 

 
 

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Reviewed by Stephanie Sawyer 11/17/2004
What courage you have, Becca. - Stunning courage. Remarkable courage. And you may never know who you are saving by sharing your story. But you will. You will inspire others through sharing this most intimate time of your life.
I believe every word of it, and I am thankful to our Lord and Master.
Stephanie S. Sawyer
Reviewed by Dave Harm 11/8/2004
Any attempts at suicide are tragic, to say the least. But you were fortunate to see what awaits "In time." Mine? I got to see the dark side, so I'm in no rush. Thank you for sharing! Your story will help someone... somewhere...
Reviewed by A Serviceable Villain 11/6/2004
Dear Becca,

So glad that you didn't ... this is a very deep and sensitive write -thank you so much for sharing it!

Best wishes,

Robert
Reviewed by Judy Lloyd 10/28/2004
Your story is hauntingly similiar to mine when I tried the same thing in 2000 because of pain. Fortunately I did not succeed and a divine force interceded. Thanks for the story.



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