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Tami C Ryan

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Member Since: Jul, 2003

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   Recent stories by Tami C Ryan
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Somewhere Blooms a Rose - Repost
By Tami C Ryan
Friday, November 12, 2004

Rated "G" by the Author.

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An excerpt from “Letters to Moonshadow”. The schizophrenic reference is not used in a poetic sense but, rather, a literal one.

Dear Moonshadow,

He’s been gone three years now and, as the winters passed, the pain subsided; how glad I’ve been for that. Although it took interminable exchanges of sun and moon, he’s been long dismissed from that most tender portion of my heart.

Still, his schizophrenia continues to invade my reality, creating turmoil. Because of today’s events, I am reminded that his demented world is so very different from mine. My heart cries for him but, these days, my tears are not for lost love. Today, the ache in my heart is that of sadness and of compassion; I sincerely wish it could be different for him.

In his world, he is the one who has been slighted. His reality is that of those who plot and plan against him; those who worship things that make him shudder – those that make him withdrawal further into his self-created world, his personal safe haven.

I would help him if I could. I’ve tried. But he believes me to be the Anti-Christ.

There is no poem to be written; words are inadequate to describe the purgatory in which he must live. A life of nonsensical plans, half-baked; a mind swarming with grandiose dreams – not one realized. More than anything, I suspect his is a world of fear and confusion.

When I severed ties, I seriously believed I might not recover. Looking over my shoulder now, I admittedly grew from the pain. I’ve learned patience and tolerance and, although it took me many months to realize, I found that I was the keeper of amazing internal strength. Today, I sincerely pray that I’ll never experience pain as devastating again. And, for the lessons learned, I’ll be forever grateful.

Beyond that, the only thing of which I’m certain, is that lost somewhere in the midst of that heaping pile of fragmented dreams, this rosebud was lying dormant, just waiting to bloom.

I wish him peace in his mind,

Copyright © 2004 Tami C Ryan

       Web Site: Lasting Impressions

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Reviewed by Barbara Terry 3/2/2005
Tami this is very good. When I went to the institution that my mother sent me to, they tried to label me as schizoid behavior, mil impairment. But yet, if I know who I am, and don't deviate from that, there is no schizoid behavior. Being transsexual is to be labeled by professionals who think they have all of the answers. I blamed my mother for many years for hating me enough to put me away in a residential treatment center. But, now I have forgiven her, because maybe she couldn't understand what I needed. I see a therapist to help me through my transition to womanhood, and we talk like we;re friends, instead of therapist and client. Healing is such a wonderful thing, when it is brought about from others who are friends, and not just some one looking to make a quick buck. I see her tomorrow, and I have a lot of things to talk about. But I have healed from my anger towards my mother. I am healing better and better as time goes on too. The love and acceptance I have found here, in in my closest friends and therapist, has made me write poetry like Those Lazy Hazy Days Of Summer (my newest poem). But it must have been hard to live with someone like that, trying to help and then finding out he considered you an enemy too. I hope I never go through something like. And you are right, Tami, compassion is born of pain and suffering, because if we can't see or feel the pain, how can we effectively to even try to help others? This is a very good letter Tami, and as I read this, it did not even bring back any sad memories. Cya in the funny papers. May the Lord be with you always, and at your side constantly. With much love, peace, & (((HUGS))) ... Barbie

"If I have to...Then I may as well be."
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/11/2005
A moving expressive account, Tami. Love and peace to you. Regis
Reviewed by Judy Lloyd 11/13/2004
I hope you never experience that type of pain again. Good luck to you and your writint. From a friend in the den
Reviewed by Michelle Mills 11/13/2004
What you wrote is a beautiful example of the true progression of healing a broken heart. When you can go from anguish to compassion, you have come along way on your journey. Great write, and blessings to you as you progress along your path. Michelle
Reviewed by Divinity 11 11/13/2004
very well written! congrats on winning the contest!



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