Become a Fan
A Love Of My Own, Part III
By Mocha Sistah
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
Will September reconnect with Raymond and tell him that she loved him the whole time or will they enjoy each other as just friends?
“That’s right. I remember you saying you were going to use your Recreation Degree to do something like that. Is that a fun gig?”
“Yeah, it is. I have had a few celebrities come in to the shop too.”
A tall african sister approached us so I ceased my conversation gently telling us. “The club closes in a few minutes, sorry Ray.” She winked and walked her six foot inch frame away as I took in her reddish brown long twists flying behind her.
“I guess, we have to get going.” I yawned as I felt my Nokia phone buzzing in my black and silver purse but I ignored it as I stood up to shrug on my red leather coat and face Ray as he did the same.
“Well, what about we meet up this weekend, and finish chatting, I’d really love to see you again,
The way my name rang out of his lickable mouth sent chills up my spine. Inside me, I have been waiting for this resolution.
When I graduated in 1994 and left the ground of Alcorn State I knew I would never see him again. Because he was on campus and I refused to have a long distance relationship at that time. I wish. Maybe I would have done things differently. I wished I would have been smarter about the break up and not been so insecure.
“September.” His deep timbre reminded me that I hadn’t responded.
“Saturday is fine if you aren’t busy.” I popped a peppermint in my mouth and hoped that would calm down my busy tongue. I was wondering how his tongue would taste inside of my mouth. Like warm chocolate drizzing over my honey tongue or would it be more like a stale old bread.
I am too curious to know the taste of him. I remember loving the feel of his lips on mines. In fact I was the one who always initiated our love trysts. We were always sneaking into one of the buildings on campus because we didn’t live off campus. Plus it was very exciting to get our freak on and not get caught by the rent o cops on campus. We were so hot for each other that we would do it anywhere from the baseball field, the gymnasium, or any of the class rooms if we could get in. It was a crazy fun time for us.
Bringing myself back to reality, I remembered that I needed to grab my stuff and get out of the club when he said, “What time on Saturday, September. I”m off work that day. Maybe we can do an all day type of thing?” His dark eyes bore into mines as if he was trying to sneak into my old thoughts. Damn if he wasn’t a beautiful jazzy chocolate drop. I am surprised that no groupies trying to hang around him tonight. But then again, this was a nice classy joint so maybe they didn’t come tonight. Thank god. I don’t feel like fighting any sisters because they want a piece of him like I do.
Even though I wanted him, I felt like spending that much time with him might be too dangerous. A lot can happen in a few hours. “You plan it, okay. Anytime is fine with me. I don’t have any clients on this weekend.” But I guess that’s the chance I will have to take.
We quickly exchanged business cards with information on it, and he walked me to my Red Focus and hugged me good bye.
Ever nerve center in my body screamed when he kissed me on the cheek and closed my door for the last time until I could see him again.
Smoothing down my cute stretch jeans and a big and bold ASU sweat shirt, I power walked with Sylvia on Saturday morning. It was a few hours before he would pick me up for our day of events. He said it would be a surprise.
I was very shocked at the range of emotions in my soul coming out. “Sylvia, this is so weird. I thought I had numbed myself about Raymond. I thought that it was just a college fling. You know, hot sex on a platter and all. But it seems like more serious.”
“Well, just take it one moment at a time. I just want you to enjoy yourself. You work so hard, girl. Maybe that man is in love with you.” Sylvia stopped briefly to throw her head back and enjoy some of the water fighting the hot weather that was building up outside.
“I guess. I just thought he would never want to see me again. I was impulsive, very aggressive and insecure...” My voice trailed off as I felt the burning in my thighs and stopped to catch a breather myself.
“Girl, you need to learn how to live in the moment. I saw the way he looked at you. He was very much into you. So stop over thinking it and just flow with it. Ain’t that what you youngsters say?”
I thought for a brief moment and had to agree. I spent the majority of my life worried about paying bills, trying to build up clientele’s, and trying to push myself with personal and professional goals. It was time to just be and enjoy the moment. She was so right.
I rubbed the side of my thigh and commented, “Sylvia, you are right.” Puffing as I stopped right outside my apartment complex, I said, “I can’t do much more today girl. I love you, but I need to get myself ready for the day with Raymond. He said it was casual and after walking that two miles with you, I am burned out.”
“You tired already...” She smiled as we briefly hugged. “Well, call me tomorrow and let me know how this goes. Just seeing how you two enjoyed each others company the other night, I know it will go fine. Just enjoy yourself, okay?”
As she walked on in her red tights and white tee shirt that shouted, “Massage Therapists do it better!” I smiled brightly. If I can be like her when I grow up, I’ll be the best mommy/wise woman ever.
I flung my door open and shut off my electronic pedometer and sat down on my black leather couch and heard the low peal of the phone. I dropped my pedometer and almost tripped over my working back as I reached the phone which was in the small kitchen a few steps away from the living room where I had been sitting.
Instantly grabbing it, my heavy voice asked, “Yeah, this is September.”
“Hey you. You sound out of breath.” I heard the sexy voice of Raymond greet me and instantly a wide smile commanded itself on my face.
“I just walked in the house.” My joy seeped through the phone as I sat on the floor untying my white Sketchers.
A nerve twitched on my right cheek as I listened to him drone on about our meeting later. It was as if my body was reacting all ready to something that probably a nothing. “I was calling you to see if I can come and get you earlier because I have an urgent gig to do later. Sorry for the late notice.”
All my fantasies went poof when he announced that. I had envisioned a long lovely romantic day but maybe that wasn’t in the cards for us. Oh well, I can’t be mad at the man. At least he’s letting me know that there was a change. “It’s no problem. We still doing a little lunch right?”
“Yeah, can I pick you up at eleven a.m. I can’t wait to see you.” He sounded like a little kid who was going to get his favorite gift for Christmas.
“Eleven is fine. See you then.” I was even more nervous now, but maybe I should stop over thinking. It’s only a date. We’ll say hi and enjoy the updates of each other’s lives and then go home.
No big deal right?
“Okay, then, September. Like I said, I can’t wait to see you.” I drop the phone and run around the house and plan to get myself together before the hour was up. It was already nine a.m.
Within the hour I finished up myself, admiring my work in the mirror and sighing. Butterflies zooming in my stomach chat about how fine the man was and I’m in a panic. I breath softly as I calm my nerves and go into the living room and put on my Jill Scott CD listening to her talk about living “beautifully.” Maybe that will be what I can do with him.
My fidgeting hands smooth my blue jeans and tuck my fushia red shirt inside as I try to keep my hands occupied.
I hear movement at my front door and shut off my AIWA stereo player and I walk towards it. Looking through the peephole my eyes view a calm and sexy tall chocolate man. He’s here and I’m like a little girl. There are itchy bumps on my skin coming alive and I’m sweating profusely. I wave a shaky hand in front of me to get a little air to calm my spirit and then wipe myself with my shirt briefly.
With trembling fingers, I turn the knob of the door and smile into his dark beautiful eyes.
“Hey, you.” I greet him with a timid hug and grab my bag which was filled with some rubbing oils and light massage items as we step outside my home and quickly get into his Black Hummer.
Soon we were zooming down the street.
“Well, I told you it would be a surprise, so here is your blind fold.” His eyes searched mines as if he wanted to make sure I was okay with that.
“Okay. Let’s roll with it. This better be good.” I leaned back in the car and felt his heavy hands cover my face with the black blind fold and settled in for a ride. Not sure where we were going but I knew for one thing, it would be an interesting day.
Since I couldn’t see where we were going the only thing that I could hear was the sound of Will Downing’s “Day Dreaming” streaming through his stereo and the heavy screeching of his tires as I sat there in complete silence.
At the end of Will’s first stanza I could hear his heavy voice inquire, “You okay.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Then I felt a part of me get really mad. What the hell was I doing here with him? After all, when I graduated in 1993 he never sent me the letters he said he would. I remember waiting with bated breath to receive his love letters. But they never came. Unshed tears hid in the corners of my eyes and I blinked them away as a hard lump formed in my throat and I laid my head back on the headrest to muse on why he never did that.
“Can I ask a question to you?” I was scared but at the same time I felt it was time to clear the air.
“Sure.. But hold the question for a minute, honey.” I heard him stop the car and then we were no longer in motion. The jiggling of his keys signaled that we were about to get out of it. “Come on, missy” The muffled sound of his voice and the direction where he was taking me were confusing. Without my black eyes guiding me I felt like out of control and felt butterflies fluttering while I tried to calm myself by counting silently in my head. With the smooth vocals of Will Downing at my side, I just let it all float over my nerves and before I knew it, I heard Raymond speak to me.
“September, give me your hand” I heard the heavy tone of his voice command of me and I did exactly what he told me as I felt his heavy hand caress mines. I was a little off balance but kept going as he directed me towards an unknown destination.
I heard the crunch of leaves underneath my feet as he guided me through the area. I heard birds chirping and singing to each other. I felt the heaviness of the bag on my side and it collided on my right side. I started to limp because it was hurting and heard him say, “give me the bag, September.” I gladly lifted the blue bag and shifted to him and we continued to walk.
Now I was wondering where and why we were here. It was so quiet that I couldn’t hear a thing. The next thing I felt was him lifting the blindfold from my eyes and then I adjusted to the light again as I soaked it all in. This place. This beautiful place where we used to be together. Too many memories resided here and I hated him for bringing me back to this emotional space. I felt tears beckoning in my eyelids that I had to blink to stop the rush. How could the emotions be here after all this time?
It shocked me all at once and I faced him full of spite and rage. It overwhelmed me to no end. How did he remember it after all this time?
“Why you bring me here, Raymond?” My voice was hard and unforgiving as my stony eyes confronted his which seemed to be blank with no feeling. “RAYMOND!” I stamped my foot trying to shake him and make him answer me. I couldn’t believe it. I was losing my mind at this point. It was so quiet while I waited for him to open his mouth that I just clenched my fingers into a hard ball of hate. I almost drew blood on my lower lip because I was biting it so hard.
“I know you remember where we are at.” He paused as if he had to think carefully of his words. “You remember the first time we came here.” Softly the words tumbled out of his mouth as he gently placed the bag on the ground and the picnic basket which I just noticed that we were standing in the EE Cummings Baseball field. Lord, have mercy. This brings back so many memories.
I saw him reach for me with his heavy hands but I was so mad at the time that I curled them up and stood away from him and flicked my hands in his face upward. “That was a long time ago. I don’t even know why I came here. It’s not like you cared for me at all. Did you know I waited for you to write after I graduated? That I wanted so badly for you to call me and say that you missed me that you wanted me. But you never did. You never called. I remember feeling so lost and I started to eat to fill my pain. My heart was broken. Then I thought that maybe you never loved me. You couldn’t...” I stopped. The flow of words couldn’t heal my pain. I sat there and cried tears that could no longer be denied. I didn’t even care how I looked. I had to tell my side of the story. I wanted this man to be the father of my children. So much I wanted but I never got.
We sat there for a moment. I think he was too scared to even speak.
“It wasn’t even like that September.” He reached for me and felt me out before bringing me close to his hard body and laying my head on his shoulder. “I did send you a few letters but you never answered then I was told you had moved and I never got the new addresses.”
“You wrote me.” I wailed and then relief sat in. I weakly smiled. He hadn’t forgotten me. I wondered where those letters had gone to. It’s possible he had ran into some problems reaching me. I had moved from place to place. Stayed with my mom for a while and then finally got my own place in 1995 but no one really knew where I was living because I was acting aloof during those days. I should have known he would never forget.
“Yeah, baby, please you know you were my boo. I didn’t forget. How could I forget the love of my life.” We stood there shaken and I wiped the tears from my eyes while my tired body chose to sit on the ground and his words finally soaked in. Not only his words but the sight before me, surprised and delighted me.
Ahead of me was a beautiful spread of food including steaming chicken fingers with honey dijon mustard, light ceasar salad, fresh bread sticks in a cute red and white basket as well as fresh watermelon, melon and apples. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How and when did he get the time to do this?
“Hold up. Let me get the blanket.” He quickly fluffed out a blue and white blanket and then I slide my body on the blanket laying down and sighing.
“Thanks, this is really nice.” But the plentiful food was only the beginning, I heard the streams of our favorite song, “Always and Forever” by Heatwave. That is the song that we first danced to at Sunshine’s party. My eyes got misty as I let the music float through my body and felt him close by.
“September, you are the best woman, I never had the chance to continue a serious relationship with.” He stopped and picked up a warm chicken finger, dipped in it the sauce and popped it in my mouth. “I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you.”
And that is how we started our new relationship. Nice and slow and full of surprises. I couldn’t wait to experience the love that would never ever end.
(c) 2004 by Pam Osbey
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