A Mystic's Journal Entries October 2-9, 2005 by Laurie Conrad.
A Mysticís Journal Entries: October 2- 9, 2005
Sunday, October 2
Windgarth 11 p.m.
Tonight, the sound of waves and wind, entering through the downstairs windows. Warm today, in the high 70's, and a warm night. No moon. The stars and planets clearly visible; the Milky Way. Meditated alone by the lake, under the many constellations. M. has returned to town.
Stephanie arrived late this afternoon. Dinner at The Lighthouse down the road. At some point during the meal, I was suddenly and inexplicably thrown into a deep meditation, almost an ecstacy; filled and surrounded by brilliant, radiant Light and tremendous Love. M. and Stephanie continued to talk, and after some time M. stopped to ask if I was all right. I am always amazed that the beauty and joy I am feeling inwardly is not apparent outwardly at those times. I managed with some difficulty to say that I had been thrust into a very deep meditation and could not yet come out of it. They continued their conversation and I eventually emerged to normal waking state consciousness. The Love lingers in the spiritual Heart, and if I close my eyes I can bask in the glow that still remains there. A Light difficult to describe, but one that I am now used to. The traces left within me now are similar to the glowing sun as it first rises over the far hills at dawn, luminous, brilliant and many colored - but not so bright that we cannot look at it. This glow is not the brilliant, luminous white Light that is not found on earth that I have often experienced. And yet the colors I now see within also cannot be described, because they are also an unknown Light, and not an object. And I do not actually see these colors with my usual eyes, I more feel them.
Stephanie will stay with me at Windgarth for the entire week, and others will join us later. I will teach them all to meditate during their visit. Larry seems happy at the prospect of company. I taught him to meditate some months ago. It will be a week of philosophy and meditation. And the beauty of Windgarth.
The waves continue; a wind has come up, although it remains warm. Earlier, Stephanie and I walked to the Point, stars overheard and the big Dipper before us. We spoke of many things. At one point she wondered why we are here, on earth. I suppose we all have asked ourselves that question, and the answer might never come. It is not a question we can truly answer. The only answer I have found is that we are here, on earth. And that while on our journey here, we must learn to see through this material reality to true Reality, and rejoin and learn to identify with our true , luminous selves. Truth. If we were to speak Truth, what would we say?
We would only speak of God and the soul. The Real.
An e-mail from my new meditator in Australia, questions about Long Path and Short Path - my last A Mysticís Journal entry was not clear. Not as clear as the stars tonight against the black sky. When I return to town, I will try to clarify that section. Now I wish only to bask in the sound of the waves and the glow in my Heart. As I wrote those words, a flash of brilliant Light. I will walk down to the lake and meditate again tonight. The core of my being burns and my true eyes, the eyes of the soul, are focused on the Heart, even as I write in this notebook or gaze at the stars. But I wish to lose myself entirely to that warmth and burning, immerse myself fully in that Love and Light. I wish to be that Divine Flame.
Wednesday, October 5
Windgarth 2 p.m.
I left my Mysticís Journal inside the house, so this entry is being written in my new Composerís notebook. Friends are staying here with me this week, & tonight two of them will learn how to meditate. Warm today, unusually warm - in the low 80's. Perhaps we will meditate by the lake, under the stars.
Stephanie is upstairs designing jewelry & Tamsyn & I are both by the water writing in our notebooks. Ideas come slowly today - the heat, or that we are together & therefore have much to look forward to. JF stopped by, fairly briefly. We talked & then walked to the Point. No work on the new books. Neither of us seems ready, although Diana wrote to say that she had put the interviews in the mail. A frost on the way. Friday, we will go into town, so that I can work in the gardens.
Bought food. Planned dinners. The trees are now beginning to turn color - a few oranges, mainly yellows, no reds as yet. A few ducks. A lone songbird & the sound of the waves ...
Stephanie & I went to the Amish Monday. It was almost 90 degrees then. Bought cheeses & homemade bread, granola; squash. Studied the peacocks & pheasants in their wire cages, their brilliant colors & intricate geometric markings like moving paintings; their forms so perfectly balanced & timeless ... As we paid for our things, a neighborís dog came up, barking ... Small, a terrier. The young Amish woman slowly & purposefully strode towards the small dog; we wordlessly watched them reach the road, the dog barking & the Amish girl steadily striding. She wore the traditional Amish black dress & white apron; square & blocked, like a moving rectangle, her arms & legs moving in a measured, slow rhythm ... The dog always a bit ahead. The dog turned to the left at the road & the woman followed, until we lost sight of them behind some trees.
Taught T. and S. to meditate tonight, by the lake. Afterwards, we walked to the Point. Some discussion. Larry joined us on our return. He had set up a bonfire on the beach for us; marshmallows. We spoke of many things; the Nature of God; life.
Thursday, October 6
Windgarth 1 a.m.
We meditated by the lake again tonight, to the sound of the wind and waves. Afterwards, a walk to the Point; still no moon. We came inside, and I taught them Divine Healing, i.e. asking the Divine to come through us to heal others. The method I taught them was using the hands, laying on of hands. I began by saying that first we must ask the Higher if we are allowed to heal a specific person. Since neither S. or T. is clairvoyant, I showed them how to use a pendulum. The pendulum, depending on which way it swung, would give them a yes or no answer to a question. Stephanie asked the pendulum if she was allowed to give either Tamsyn or me healing, but got a "no" answer to both. I went next door and got Larry. Stephanie gave him healing, or rather asked that the Divine come through her, to him. I saw Light streaming from her hand as she worked, and Larryís body began also to be surrounded by Light in the areas her hand had been. Tamsyn was seated across from me - I was in the rocking chair and she was seated on the couch - and at one point a Divine being stood between us. I became so warm, in spite of the cool night air coming through the many open windows, than soon I was drenched. Tamsyn said that suddenly and inexplicably, the wind coming towards her from the open windows had turned hot, and she removed her sweatshirt. I then slowly become aware of a slight fragrance - not of Our Lady, the overwhelming scent of roses or myrrh - but more a citrus
fragrance, fairly faint but definitely there. Both Tamsyn and Stephanie were also aware of it - the presence of some saint, perhaps one of the Desert Fathers. As Stephanie continued to heal Larry, his Light increased; eventually he and Stephanie both were all Light, and he fell asleep where he was, on the floor. Tamsyn then gave Stephanie hands-on healing, and as she did so T. turned to brilliant Light. She said that the closest thing to what she was feeling in that moment was when she received Communion during Mass. I told them that this sort of healing was a very safe and powerful form of meditation - because when we heal others in this way, asking the Divine to come through us, we ourselves are filled and surrounded with the Divine Presence. That they should teach others this form of healing and practice each day, that all would benefit. Later, when they learn to heal others mentally, from a distance - they could heal others as they walked down the street, or even entering a room. That this was how we are meant to live, bringing Light and healing to the world.
Tamsyn again became so warm, while healing Stephanie, that she remarked on it. I asked her if the heat was coming from her heart. She put her head down towards her heart and then replied that it did seem to be coming from her heart. As I say in my little book The Spiritual Life of Animals and Plants: Love is the true source of all Divine Healing. In healing others, we ourselves are healed - and the spiritual Heart opens.
Larry woke up and we spoke together for some time. At one point the conversation turned to entering a crowded restaurant and not knowing anyone there, what a lonely feeling that can be. I said that words were not needed for forming a relationship; love was shared, soul to soul, whether we spoke or not. And that our relationships exist on a deep level always and with every creature on the planet. Even now, as I write those words, I sense a Divine Presence in the room and the faint, supernatural fragrance of a fruitlike, citrus incense. My Heart is burning and my entire body is filled with its Heat. My Heart feels like the coal stove in winter, and it feels very similar to when Christ Himself placed the Cathedral made of brilliant Light in my Heart so many years ago.
Friday, October 7
Windgarth 5 p.m.
Today stormy, in the high 60's. Rain. Fog. A grey mist floats over the lake, haze in the distance. S. and T. are preparing dinner. Christie arrives in a few hours. My work in the kitchen is thankfully done. Indoors, warm and calm; protected against the storm. More reds and oranges in the trees today, as though autumn came stealthily during the night.
Saturday, October 8
Windgarth 12:30 a.m.
Taught Christie to meditate earlier tonight. Shortly after we began, a great clatter in the kitchen; a pot had fallen for no apparent reason. Not unusual when someone learns to meditate for the first time; the ego objects to being transcended. When I taught classes in town, at the New Alexandrian Bookstore, a parade went by our window during someoneís first meditation. There is always a test. The goal is to continually meditate, and life goes on. Except during high mystical experience, there will be thoughts. When the Divine decides to hold us fully in the Light of the soul, all thoughts will cease of their own accord.
Sunday, October 9
Windgarth 1 p.m.
In Church, at Mass: Our Ladyís fragrance of roses twice, fleetingly.
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