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Michelle R Kidwell Power In The Pen

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You aren't sounding too preachy, it's ok. I don't mind. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to preach to me and bring me back to reality.








It's been a rough couple of days, as you know. I hope you'll forgive me for being so long in replying. More setback have occured and it looks like I won't get out of the hospital before my b-day, which is this coming Saturday. If this were the first time this has happened, I wouldn't be so upset over that, but when I was ten and also when I turned eight, I was in the hospital. Friday, my spinal fluid started to leak, so flat on my back I went, once again. That was even worse than before. I really hated not being able to sit up, especially since I had just started sitting up all the way. Now, I am having to start over. I have cried so much this weekend, my eyes are sore and I have reached the point I don't think I have anymore tears. It seems I take two steps forward and three steps back. I guess you have felt like that a time or two, probably more than that.


Please don't think that I think my problems are worse than yours. I know they aren't. In many ways, I guess they are the same. At least you can learn to walk again.I won't ever walk again, not even with my walker and braces. When my spine collasped, it severed my spinal cord, thus elimnating any chance of me ever being on my feet again. Mama doesn't know that I know, so don't tell anyone what I just said. I don't want Mama to know that I do. It would just make her hover over me more. The doctor came and told us I don't need physical therapy, because I haven't lost my abilities but I know they are just saying that because they know it would be useless to even try PT.


Mama hasn't told me about Maria yet, but I heard her telling your mom the afternoon she found out. She thought I was asleep and I didn't let on otherwise. I waited until she went to get coffee to cry and I stopped when I heard her coming back. I'm glad Mama won't have to go it alone with this, at least she will have Kendra to lean on and to go to for advice and stuff.


You aren't sounding too preachy, it's ok. I don't mind. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to preach to me and bring me back to reality. I really can get absorbed into myself and do a good job of not letting anyone in. Sometimes, it takes alot to bring me out of it too. I don't see how you keep your sunny disposition all the time, especially since you don't vent or rant to anyone. I know I could not go through all you have and not manage to be at least a little bitter about it all. I don't think it can be as simple as leaning or depending on or trusting God. I don't think it can be that simple. After all, you are a teenager, secondly, you are only human. Even me bottling things up can only go so far before I explode, usually on an innocent person, like you or Mama. I try my best not to do that to people but sometimes it just happens.


Well, mama is telling me to shut off the computer and get to sleep, so I had best obey. I will try to write more tomorrow, if I am able.



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