A funny slant on car selling.

It was a hot Mississippi July afternoon, actually July 31st to be exact. Universally known in the car business as month-in-close-out! Our hot-shot-deal-closing salesman (notice I said sales-MAN) was one sale away from the ultimate drop-dead bonus of all time, or at least that was the way the boss put it in the morning sales meeting.
Just one more, and he and the wife would enjoy a Hawaiian Cruise plus $1000.00 spending money, to boot! There ain’t no way Rod, The Ripper, as he was affectionately known around the car lot, was going to miss this opportunity, and to disappoint the Mrs. was out of the question!
I mean, the Mrs. hadn’t ever stepped foot out of Mississippi, oh perhaps, one time, and that was when they eloped to be hitched forty-something years ago going over the state line to Alabama! Yes, this trip was more than a prize – it was vital and a second honeymoon all rolled up in one…..that’s one more sale, and The Ripper aimed to get it done!
Rod surfed the lot with the eye of an eagle, the fortitude of a mountain lion, and the sniff of the best of any Treeing Hounds within 100 miles. He could recognize a sale a mile off, and when it was a high volume sale, well, Ripper Rod was no match for any other salesman in the competitive world of car selling. Like selling ice cubes in Alaska, Ripper Rod was known for his showing of the vehicle and closing the deal all in one mighty motion.
Just as Rod walked out of the morning sales meeting, his sale-of-the-day arrived at the car lot. Rod could sense a hot sale just by the way the nervous-seeming lady marched onto the lot with her husband in tow. The Ripper made his initial contact with style and grace complimenting the lady from the get-go. He admired her lovely, but sweaty attire, commented on her intelligence and taste as he figured the probable size of her checkbook grasped tightly in her chubby fist.
Within 5 minutes The Ripper had determined she was a candidate for the top of the line, the turbo plush and most bodacious shiny red upscale car on the lot; and with the highest price, of course! Ching! Ching! Rod could see the Hula skirts coming his way.
Now to do his thing…….his sales pitch always started with the walk-around or in layman terms, the showing of the car. Ripper Rod led the way as he opened all 4 doors, the hood, plus the trunk, with lights blinking, the horn blowing and flashers going strong. As the poor customers tried to keep pace with The Ripper’s quick steps, and sales pitch, as usual, their faces are blood red and sweaty, not just perspiring, but soaked with the real stuff. The lady is apparently out of breath, and in The Ripper’s estimation ready to make a deal. This is the time The Ripper offers a nice cold coke, and a seat in his air-conditioned office, works every time!
I was sitting in my Business Manager’s office trying to look official when The Ripper burst into my door with these words, “Get all of the paperwork together to sign. I’ve got a hot one coming your way!” I sighed, and began to print up the sales documents, because when The Ripper is hot……..The Ripper is hot! But, this time, it wasn’t The Ripper who was on fire!
By the time Rod had made his way back into his office he found his customer lady all laid out with her feet propped in one chair and her rather stout posteriors in the other while the hubby fervidly fanned his Mrs. with all of the sales brochures he could get his hands on, as she moaned and groaned seemly in horrible pain.
What to do? The Ripper suddenly finds this pitiful sight. Why, she might be on her last breath…..must get her into the business office and pronto!
The lady grabs the coke with the gusto of a dying woman reaching for a magic potion, but The Ripper held firm. Holding the drink as a carrot to a starving horse the poor lady was led down the hall, and into my office where she guzzled the drink and then asked for another.
The Ripper looked my way, and when he was assured the paperwork was in order and ready to sign pulled another coke out of his side pocket. I mean, he hasn’t been the top salesman for 30 plus years for nothing. He knows his game.
The lady, now the owner of a showcase automobile, grabbed the second soda and rubbed it all around her face and neck when The Ripper rolled in a portable fan to make his customer more comfortable, as he handed her a cup of chipped ice.
The Ripper might be a great salesman, but, better than that, he absolutely takes care of his customer, and all of her needs after the sale! She looked his way with gratefulness, and made a mental note to tell all of her friends about the nice man at the car lot!
A couple of weeks later as The Ripper and his Mrs.were on their way to the airport headed for their second honeymoon they drove by, and he tooted his horn waving merrily to all of us stuck at the dealership. As if in a parade following closely behind The Ripper and his Mrs. was his, sort of, fan club of customers…..all sweaty and red-faced, but in a sweet way as they wished “The nice man at the car lot” Bon Voyage!